Twisted
by knicnort3
Summary: "Sometimes love and honesty don't go hand in hand"-Edward is new in town and hiding a dark secret; when he enrolls in Forks High, it's not long before he captivates Bella and turns her life upside down. When the truth comes out, will they be able to move past it, or is the damage beyond forgiveness?- Not your average teen drama. Warning- contains Angst! AH, B/E, HEA
1. Stuck

_**Twisted**_

"_Sometimes love and honesty don't go hand in hand"_

Description: Edward is new in town and hiding a dark secret; when he enrolls in Forks High, it's not long before he captivates Bella and turns her life upside down. When the truth comes out, will they be able to move past it, or is the damage beyond forgiveness?

_Twisted_ isn't your average high school drama, it's an emotional rollercoaster of deceit, betrayal, and yes, a few twists that you may or may not see coming, but like all my other stories, it's ultimately about love finding the ability to overcome even the most seemingly impossible circumstances. HEA is guaranteed!

Banner on my profile.  
AH, B/E, Romance, Drama, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, etc. and so on…

**A/N: I realize there is a TV show with the same title that deals with a similar plotline, BUT I have never seen a single episode and have no idea what's happening there, so don't expect this story to coincide.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or its characters, but everything else is straight from my brain so please don't copy without permission.

Enjoy the ride!

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Chapter 1 – Stuck  
BPOV

My mother always said that the world is made up of billions of tiny moments that keep us moving through life. Most are instantly forgotten like dust in the wind, whereas others float beside us forever like indestructible kites tied to steel cables. But a moment can also be paralyzing – grabbing a hold of you and never letting go. There is absolutely nothing worse than being stuck in a moment, and until you find a way to break free, you'll never be able to truly live.

Unfortunately for me, I had found myself stuck in such a moment, and after the worst summer of my life, finding a way to move past it seemed impossible…

"So, I was thinking about getting the old gang together this weekend…like a, you know, senior year kickoff party, sort of thing," Jessica said as we walked towards the cafeteria for lunch.

"Uh…maybe," I replied unenthusiastically. The truth was, the idea of a party of any kind sounded like torture, and I hated that I felt that way. It was the beginning of our final year of high school, I should've been having the time of my life, but instead I was jaded and everything just seemed so insipid.

"Or we can forget the whole party thing and just all hang out," Jessica offered, sensing my lack of gusto for her idea.

"That would be fine too…Whatever you want to do," I told her, regretfully sounding even more dreadful than before.

"Hey Bella…if you, like, just need to ever, you know, talk, I want you to know that I'm here for you."

I forced out a smile. "Thanks Jess…And I'm sorry for being such a downer lately, but really, I don't want to talk about it…In fact, the less I have to think about it, the better. Hanging out with everyone would actually be a great distraction."

She nodded in understanding. "Okay….but, what about Jacob?" she asked carefully. "I know things are strained between you guys at the moment, so…"

I huffed. "Things aren't _strained_," I told her bitterly. "We broke up. It's not a temporary break. It's over. Completely. For good."

"I know…you already said that, but you two have been together forever. I mean, you're Bella and Jacob, I can't even imagine you guys apart permanently. I just thought that maybe, with time…"

"No!" I snapped. "Too much has happened; we'll never get back what we had."

"Okay…sorry." She took a deep breath. "So, if you don't want to be around each other, how should we handle everything? We're all friends and none of us are going to want to take sides. It's been okay at school because everyone is all over the place, but when we all hang out together, we can't just not invite one of you."

"We don't want you to take sides either; we just don't want to be talked about as a couple anymore… Look, why don't you plan whatever it is that you want to do, and just invite Jake? I'm not feeling up to going out anyway."

"Bu-"

I put up my finger to stop her. "We'll get together at some point, maybe do a girl's night or something, but right now I'm just not ready. Go out. Have fun. Please don't let me get you down."

She nodded solemnly. "Girl's night soon. You promised."

"I don't think I actually promised."

"But you're about to," she said with a grin.

"Fine. I promise we'll have a girl's night soon," I conceded.

And like a good friend, I kept my promise. I went through all the motions of the admired trendy Bella Swan everyone expected me to be, but it wasn't long before I found myself breaking away.

When I received a camera from my dad for my eighteenth birthday, I got really into photography and decided to spend my breaks and lunch period with the artistic types in the west wing. The fashionable popular girl that I was the year before would have been horrified by the plaid wearing slightly introvert that I quickly became, but I didn't care…I really didn't care about anything anymore. Ironically, the moment I was stuck in had changed me, and I was still trying to settle into my more mundane existence when I finally saw Edward Masen for the first time.

The latest addition to Dr. Cullen's foster brood had arrived in our tiny town of Forks several months earlier, and strangely enough, I had never even crossed paths with him. The entire school had been buzzing about the newcomer since the first day, and as I locked eyes with him across the art studio, I could instantly understand why.

With his unruly bronzed colored hair, his sharp defined jawline, angular nose, and strikingly intense green eyes, there was no way anyone could _not_ notice him. People in that dreary town all seemed to blend together after a while, but not Edward; he stood out like monarch amongst moths. He was more than attractive, his face was unique and interesting, which was strangely so much more alluring than standard beauty. But as I stood there, stuck in his gaze, my heart sped and suddenly I was drowning in a rush of unexpected emotions that I had no way of possibly understanding.

The way I saw it, I had two options – I could either find a way to pry my eyes away from his and try like hell to never look back into them, or I could go over and actually talk to him. Both were equally terrifying….

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*****A/N:** Confused? Yeah, I didn't give you much to go on, but all questions will eventually be answered. I have no update schedule at this time, but I promise, when the chapter is complete, it will not just sit on my computer. Currently I have an alarming five WIPs (Writing In Process), which is something I have never done before, but hopefully I can manage all of them and find a steady flow of postings. I didn't intend on starting another story before finishing my others, but over my vacation this plot came to mind and refused to be ignored (yeah, I'm crazy like that). I hope you decide to take this new ride with me; it should be a lot of fun (well, my version of fun anyway ;)


	2. Meeting

Chapter 2 – Meeting

As much as I'd love to be a coward and avoid Edward like the plague, I knew that wasn't an option for me, so I decided to do the mature thing and face my fears…

"Hi. We haven't met yet, I'm Bella," I said to him while holding out my hand. _Why I was trying to shake his hand, I had no idea_. People in high school never shook hands when they met someone, in fact, I couldn't even remember the last time I shook anyone's hand. But it was already out there, so I couldn't just take it back without looking like an even bigger moron.

"Uh…" He looked at me like the idiot I was, and then he awkwardly shook my hand. "Edward," he introduced himself.

"Oh, I know what your name is. I mean, everyone does. Not that we've all been talking about you or anything, but you know how small towns can be. _Or maybe you don't if you've never lived in one before._ It's just, people around here don't have anything better to do than making it a point to know everything about everyone. It can be quite frustrating." - _Did I just say that?_ I was rambling nervously, which was odd for me and almost disorienting in a way.

"Um…okay," he said, obviously not knowing how else to respond.

"So…how do you like Forks so far?" I asked, but before he even had a chance to answer me, I was already moving the embarrassing conversation forward. "I just want to reassure you of how great Dr. Cullen is….I mean, in case you didn't actually know already. One time I had a really bad infection in my knee after I fell on some glass, and he fixed it all up for me…you know, because he's a doctor and all… But he was really nice about it and made me feel really comfortable…._And I'm sure you're probably wondering why I told you that, right?_ Like I said, I just want to reassure you of how great Dr. Cullen is. I'm sure you're going to be really happy in his family."

When I finished talking, he just stared at me blankly as if he had zoned out and hadn't realized I was done, but then he shook his head and blinked. "Uh…everything has been fine."

"Well, that's good to hear. Because if you weren't happy with the Cullens you probably wouldn't stay with them very long and we'd never get the chance to ever get to know each other," I told him with a grin while twirling my hair between my fingers. _What the hell was wrong with me?_

"Right..." he said indifferently, and then he looked around the room as if he was trying to figure out a way to escape. I knew exactly how he felt; if there was a way to escape myself, I would. "I suppose there's no polite way of saying this, but I'm going over there now and I'd appreciate it if you didn't follow me," he said bluntly before moving to the opposite side of the room.

It was utterly humiliating, and I had no idea what came over me. I thought about our conversation for the rest of the period, and the more I thought about it, the more perturbed with myself I became. But when I was walking to my truck after school, I just happened to pass Jessica flirting with some guy, and I realized exactly what my issue was with Edward. I was acting like her. Every ramble, every batting of my eyes, every hair twirl…it was all stuff I had seen her do over and over again whenever she talked to a boy she liked. It was disgusting.

I was not like Jessica. I didn't go around flirting with boys - although, come to think of it, I had been with Jake for so long that I suppose flirting wasn't something I really knew how to do, and since Jessica was my only role-model in that arena, it would make sense that I unconsciously emulated her. _But was I really flirting with Edward?_ I chose to believe my awkward meeting was a result of me not really knowing how to meet anyone new. Forks didn't offer new people to meet very often; I had known everyone in town all my life, and had no idea how to properly get to know anyone different. _What the hell was I going to do when I left for college?_

But now that I had a pretty good idea about what my issue with Edward was, I became even more horrified than I had been previously; the last thing I wanted was for him to think I was flirting purposely. Flirting was something people like Jessica did, not me. I had no desire to date Edward; in fact, the idea of it was almost sickening. I just wanted him to feel comfortable, and unfortunately, my "Jessica" act seemed to have had the opposite effect on him.

I probably should have just left it alone, but I couldn't. I needed him to know that I wasn't that girl, so the next day in class I approached him again. I only wished he gave me the chance to speak first…

"Look, whatever it is that you're going to say to me, I just don't care so it's nothing more than a waste of your breath and my time," he said rudely, which of course made my blood boil, and my temper got the best of me.

"No, you_ look!_" I snapped at him. "I came over here to apologize for being an idiot yesterday, but now I see you're too pompous to even listen. And here I thought I didn't know how to make new friends, but obviously you're the one with the problem. So please, forgive me for even trying," I said before turning and walking away.

I was so angry that I spent the next hour fuming about it - _really, who the hell did he think he was?_ - but in actuality, I was much angrier with myself for overreacting and losing my cool. I was better than that, and I honestly had no idea why I kept acting so stupid around him. But just when I thought perhaps I should attempt to apologize again, I caught him staring at me from across the quad area, and that wasn't the only time. For the rest of the week I could feel his eyes on me anytime we crossed paths, and I wasn't sure what that meant. Did he think I was some kind of crazed bitch that he needed to be wary of, or did he see through my façade and know what an utter coward I really was? Perhaps he just enjoyed taunting me with his stares. Whatever the case, it was making me extremely uncomfortable….


	3. Rumors

Chapter 3 – Rumors

Sometimes I wondered if I was in high school, or stuck in some wildlife show on The Animal Planet. When people weren't acting like sheep and stupidly following the leader, it was survival of the fittest where the weak were pushed aside and left for dead. But nothing brought out the odd animalistic tendencies of the male teenager more than having someone new enter the territory. Edward's very presence at the school seemed to threaten the boys, and it wasn't long before they started acting aggressively.

I was walking to class after lunch one day when I heard a loud crash behind me, so I reflexively turned. I wasn't exactly sure how it started, but Edward was standing there against the lockers with Mike and the entire varsity starting lineup surrounding him. There was a mess of books lying on the ground, and I could almost swear threatening growls were rumbling from each of their chests.

"Watch where you're going, Cullen!" Mike shouted at Edward.

"That's not my name," Edward replied evenly. "But since you're obviously illiterate, I guess I shouldn't be surprised."

"What did you just say to me?" Mike asked menacingly.

"Did I stutter?" Edward asked unconcerned.

Mike stared him down for a moment, and then he snapped. He shoved Edward hard against the lockers and the rest of his team moved in to back him up, but before anymore blows could be thrown, Mr. Molina came running out of the science room to break it up.

"You're lucky," I heard Mike say.

"I said that is enough!" Mr. Molina yelled at him. "Now go to class before I have you suspended. Or do you actually want to miss the big game on Friday?"

"No sir," Mike replied while looking down.

"Well the tardy bell rings in two minutes, you better hurry," the teacher insisted. "You too, Mr. Masen. We don't want a repeat of what happened at your last school, now do we?"

Edward didn't respond, he just turned and walked in the opposite direction, but when Mike and his posse walked passed me, I overheard them talking about jumping him after school. As much as I didn't like Edward, I couldn't just sit back and let him get attacked by the football team, so I decided to go to the principal to tell him what I heard.

But football was a big deal in Forks, so I wondered if the principal would do anything at all to prevent the afterhours brawl. Thankfully the next day Edward showed up to art class looking unharmed, and unfazed by the previous day's minor altercation.

Of course, that was nowhere near the end of Edward's brush with the in crowd.

"Hey Bella, did you hear about the new kid?" Jessica asked that afternoon.

"Hear what?"

"That he was expelled from his last school for stabbing someone."

"Where did you hear that?" I honestly didn't know where people came up with such garbage.

"Everyone is saying it."

"Jessica, if he stabbed someone he'd be in jail, not forced to go to another school," I told her irritated.

"I heard his biological parents ran a meth lab in Chicago and were grooming him to take over, but then they got killed in a raid," Lauren said, seemingly coming out of nowhere. Of course, I wasn't surprised; Lauren was always at the center of any kind of gossip spreading. "His family made a ton of enemies in the drug world, and the Cullens are scared to death that someone is going to come looking for him and kill one of them instead," she added.

"Every time I see him here he's always just staring at the wall or talking to himself," Jessica said anxiously.

"Yep, he's got multiple personalities and he's schizo," Lauren explained.

I rolled my eyes at them. "Seriously guys? That's some of the most absurd bull I've ever heard."

"Oh, Bella has a crush on the new guy," Lauren teased unexpectedly.

"Don't be ridiculous," Jessica defended me. "Bella would never go for someone like Edward."

"Why, because he's schizo, or because he's nothing like _Jacob_?" Lauren said mockingly. "If I just ended a long term relationship, I'd go for the exact opposite. Jacob is hot, athletic, sane, and friendly, whereas Edward is cold, artsy, crazy, and antisocial - Perfect for Bella's rebound."

Jessica glared at Lauren. "Well, unlike you, Bella's not a slut and only after some cheap thrill. She has standards."

"Oh don't give me that standards bullshit," Lauren said scornfully. "Everyone knows you pounced on Edward Masen the moment he arrived at this school, and you're just bitter cuz he turned you down."

Jessica huffed. "It's obvious that Edward is good looking, and I'm not the only one who tried to _befriend _him, but that was before we all found out what kind of person he really is."

"_Befriend him_?" Lauren said with a cruel giggle. "Is that what you're calling it now?"

Jessica was about to hit her with some kind of comeback, but I interrupted her. "The truth is, no one seems to know anything real about Edward, so to judge him on rumors is just wrong."

"You _do_ have a crush on him!" Lauren shouted.

"Whatever," I said under my breath. I seriously didn't understand why I wasted my time with either of those girls. Anytime I took a walk through _Popular Lane_ I'd get a migraine, so I quickly retreated to my corner of the school with the other wannabe artists. Things were calmer there, and I didn't have to constantly worry about what everyone else was saying or doing.

I took out my camera and decided to use the rest of the lunch period to snap a few pictures of the flowers around the area, but that was when I was faced with another unwelcomed confrontation.

"Edward?" I said, surprised to see him outside of class; usually he disappeared around lunch time. "Can I help you with something?" I asked with unintentional attitude…_and maybe a little bit of butterflies_.

"I don't need you to defend me," he said, making my stomach drop. _Did he somehow overhear my conversation with the girls? _

"Defend you from what?" I played stupid.

"I was in the office to drop something off when you went in there yesterday," he began to explain, so I immediately felt relieved. I certainly didn't want him getting the wrong idea about my defense of him the way Lauren did. But then he continued and things got much worse than I feared. "I heard you telling the principal about those Neanderthals plan to jump me after school, so now I'm telling you to mind your own damn business," he said sharply before turning to walk away, but like the last time he was rude to me, I couldn't just let it go, so I followed him…

"Hey, wait a minute; I was just trying to help you."

He refused to stop, but he did answer me as he walked. "I don't want or need your help."

"Well, sorry, but I would never just let something like that go on."

He chuckled humorlessly. "Big Bad Bella, out to save the world, huh?"

"I never said that, but if there is something I can do to help someone, I'm going to do it."

"Like I said, I don't need your help."

"Well, obviously you do. You would have ended up in the hospital if I didn't say anything."

"I can handle myself," he said unconcerned.

"I don't care how tough you think you are, no one could 'handle' themselves when up against an entire football team."

Finally he stopped walking, and his eyes burned into mine. "You have no idea what I'm capable of," he said intimidatingly.

My heart jumped, but then I stiffened my shoulders and narrowed my eyes at him. "I'm not afraid of you."

He stared at me for another minute, and then he shook his head before walking off again; this time I didn't follow.

I had met a lot of people I didn't like before, but Edward was different. Edward was strange and secretive, and I had a strong need to somehow peek through his barriers to see how he ticked. The fact that he seemed to be keeping everyone at a distance only made my curiosity for him that much stronger, so when it came time for partner work in art class, I found myself secretly asking the teacher to pair us up together.

"You sure you want to work with Edward?" Mrs. Geist asked surprised. "I was actually going to let him work alone. He's a bit…_different_. "

"I like a good challenge," I told her honestly.

"Well, I'm sure you're going to get one with him. Okay, you and Edward will be partnered."

"Thank you, ma'am."

"Good luck."

But the moment our conversation was over my stomach twisted in nervous anticipation. Edward and I were set to be partnered on a huge project, which meant we'd be spending time together, alone, afterhours. As much as I was eager to figure him out, I had to admit, all the rumors were getting to me and I was a little freaked.

_What the hell did I just get myself into?_


	4. Human Nature

Chapter 4 – Human Nature

I tried not to obsess about my request to be paired with Edward in art class, but when Mrs. Geist began to explain the assignment to everyone the following week, my anxiety returned full force…

"The assignment is called 'Human Nature'," she told us. "You and your partner will be searching through parks, beaches, forest, and everywhere in between for natural materials to create your very own human statue. The statue can be male or female, but it must be three dimensional and made entirely from things in nature such as leaves, sticks, branches, so on and so forth. Now, I'm not looking for some scarecrow stick figure here, I want to see a lot of time and thought put into these pieces. Look into your art history books; see how art was made before our modern resources. I want depth and passion in these pieces. You have until the end of the semester to complete it, but I highly suggest you get to work right away; I will be able to tell if it was just thrown together last minute, and your grade will reflect that."

I couldn't stop shaking.

I had wanted it, I had even asked for it, and yet, as I sat there waiting with the rest of my art class to hear who our partners were going to be, I had never been so nervous about anything in my entire life.

_Was their time to discreetly tell Mrs. Geist that I didn't want to be paired with Edward after all?_

"And Bella will be working with Edward," she announced.

_Damn._

I glanced at Edward, and he glared back at me as if he somehow knew I was responsible. The icy look in his eyes sent chills up my spine and I visibly shuddered - which I could have sworn made him smirk - which in turn made my stubbornness reemerge. So I took a deep breath and pushed all my anxieties away. This was not time for fears. I refused to be a coward. I would not let Edward intimidate me.

"So…we need to find a time to get together," I told him after class, trying like hell to hide my insecurities.

He grimaced. "Don't worry about it. I'll talk to Mrs. Geist and get us out of it," he said unexpectedly, before busying himself with putting his things away.

"What do you mean _'get us out of it'_?" I asked confused.

"Out of being partners. Most teachers understand."

"Understand what?" I asked even more confused.

"Understand that I don't work well with others," he said slowly while staring me down.

I fought my urge to blink. "Well I _do_ work well with others."

"Well then I'm sure she'll find you someone else to work with," he said curtly.

"Everyone else already has a partner," I replied in the same clipped tone.

"Maybe you can work as a group of three," he said slightly louder.

"That's not the assignment," I retorted, raising my voice even higher than his.

"I'm sure Mrs. Geist can figure it out," he snapped back.

"She doesn't have to figure anything out because we are going to do this together like she assigned. I'll meet you at the Cullen's house after school so we can get started," I told him while grabbing my backpack and briskly leaving the room before he had a chance to argue anymore.

For the rest of the day I felt all jittery and restless, and I had to repeatedly give myself a mental pep talk to continue with the plan. Somehow I made it through, and soon found myself standing on the front porch of the Cullen house.

"Bella, what a pleasant surprise," Mrs. Cullen said when she answered the door.

"Hello Mrs. Cullen, how are you?" I asked politely.

"Oh please, call me Esme, and I'm very well, thank you. What can I do for you today?"

"I'm actually here to meet Edward. We're partners for a project at school so we need to go over everything and start planning it out," I explained.

"Oh," she said oddly. "Well…you know what, why don't you tell me who your teacher is and I can call to have him give you a different partner."

I raised my brows in shock. "Um…that's not necessary," I told her slowly. "We'll be fine working together."

"I'm not sure that's such a good idea," she said quietly.

"It's fine, Esme," Edward said, suddenly appearing behind her. He pulled the front door open wider so I could pass her and come through. "Let's make this quick," he told me before turning and heading up the stairs. I assumed I was meant to follow him, so I did.

"Is everything okay?" I asked warily as I chased after him.

"Well this partner shit is a pain in the ass," he replied casually as we continued climbing the seemingly endless flight of stairs.

"I guess it's a way to teach us how to get along with others," I speculated.

Finally we reached the top, but after walking through a short hall, he paused in front of a closed door. "I take art because it's usually something people do _solo_," he said evenly. "This is my room. Do me a favor and don't touch anything."

"Um…okay."

I wasn't sure what I was expecting, but when he opened the door I was more than a little surprised to see his room looking absolutely _normal_. There was nothing strange at all, which only confused me.

"Why don't you want me to touch anything?" I asked as I looked over his shelf of CDs. "Oh, Debussy! I love Clair de Lune," I told him excitedly before unconsciously grabbing the CD and accidentally knocking over the one next to it, thus causing a domino effect and I watched horrified as half his collection went crashing to the floor.

He huffed. "It's no secret that you have a coordination issue," he said bitterly before bending down to start cleaning my mess.

"Sorry, it was an accident. I'll get it," I said quickly while taking the CDs from his hand and trying to clean it myself. I had no idea how it happened, but somehow I bumped into the shelf and made even more CDs fall.

"I got it!" he shouted at me. "Just stop."

It was an utter disaster and I was humiliated, but then he pinched the bridge of his nose as if he was trying to control his anger, and when he looked back at me his entire face was suddenly softer.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to yell at you. It was my fault anyway; I shouldn't have stacked them like that."

It was weird how his simple apology seemed to relax me. "That's okay; I get a little intense over some of my stuff too."

He took a deep breath. "So…let's figure this statue thing out so you can head out and go do whatever it is that you do in the afternoons."

I shrugged. "I'm not in any rush. I don't have plans today, except to maybe go home and make my dad dinner."

"You make dinner for your dad?" he questioned. "Where's your mom?"

I bit my lip and did my best to ignore the abrupt stabbing sensation in my gut. "She died…awhile back."

"Oh…sorry," he mumbled uncomfortably.

I swallowed my emotions and tried not to think of my mother. "What about you, what happened to your parents?"

We were having an intensely serious moment and a part of me actually thought he'd answer my question, but I should have known better.

"It doesn't matter," he said coldly, "they're not here now." He took another deep breath. "So how are we going to do this?" he asked, getting back to the project topic. "Mrs. Geist doesn't want us doing a scarecrow; have any better ideas?"

"I kind of think we need to just go out there and see what we can find. I don't know, collect a bunch of sticks and leaves and such, and just try different things until we make something that works."

"Okay. There's actually some hiking trails behind the house here, we can go up there on a weekend to look for stuff."

"Yeah, that's a good idea. Why don't we meet up at a beach sometime as well? The one I always go to has a lot of great driftwood and shells we might be able to use. _Maybe even some seaweed for our statue's hair,_" I joked.

"Which beach?" he asked surprisingly quiet.

"La Push."

His face hardened. "Nah, I don't go there."

I cocked my head to the side. "Why not?"

His jaw visible clinched, and then he spoke through his gritted teeth. "It's just a little too crowded, that's all."

"Um…okay, we'll go to some other beach."

"Fine, when should we go?"

"How about next weekend?"

"Yeah, I suppose it's best to just get it over with as soon as possible. Next weekend we'll take the trail behind the house, and the weekend after we'll go to some beach."

"Some beach _not_ in La Push," I added, hoping he'd offer a little more of an honest explanation as to why he didn't want to go there. Of course, he didn't.

"Good. It's planned then," he said, and then stood there and stared at me for a minute. "You can leave now," he said abruptly.

"Yeah…fine. See you at school," I said awkwardly before practically darting out of the room.

I absolutely hated the fact that he seemed to bring out the moronic side of me every time we were together, but it was in the human nature to be stubborn, and I was definitely that. I had never failed at anything, and I certainly wasn't going to start then…


	5. Whiplash

Chapter 5 – Whiplash

The weekend came all too soon, and even though I still had my anxieties about Edward, there was a part of me that was also excited. I was ready to do what needed to be done, and the sooner we finished, the sooner we could move on.

"You're here…._really early_…I'm not sure why I'm surprised," Edward said Saturday morning when I arrived at the Cullen house.

"Oh…Am I too early? We never said a time, so I figured…."

"It's fine," he cut me off. "I'm just going to grab my backpack, I'll be right back."

So I waited on the front porch, but it only took a minute. "That was quick."

"Yeah, I packed it last night."

"What's inside?" I asked curiously.

"Water bottles, snacks; crap like that."

"Oh, good idea," I said, feeling stupid for not thinking about it myself.

"Here," he said, handing me a different backpack.

"It's empty?"

"Yeah. So we can put the stuff we find in it," he said slowly as if I was an idiot. I suppose I kind of was. I had been so preoccupied with the idea of being alone with Edward in the woods that I didn't really think of anything else.

"Right…yeah, good idea _again_."

He narrowed his eyes at me. "Uh…you sure you're up to hiking today? You seem a bit…strange. I mean, stranger than you usually do."

I couldn't believe he had the nerve to call _me_ strange. It was almost comical. "I'm fine. Let's go."

As we hiked I kept my attention on the path in front of us, which seemed to keep me calm, but when we passed by a little brook I undesirably thought of Jacob. He had a similar creek behind his house, and we used to spend hours catching tadpoles and skipping rocks when we were younger. I hated the way things were between us currently, and I briefly wondered if it was a mistake, but then Edward pointed something out and just hearing his voice brought me back to the present; there was a reason for everything, and I had to believe it would all work out for the best.

"How about this?" I asked while struggling to pick up a big round rock.

"I don't think we can use a rock for the head," he replied. "It's too heavy, the thing will fall over."

"Oh. Good point, but what's round and light enough?"

"Well, let's just keep looking. We have to be careful of what we use because much of this natural crap will rot. Gah, this is really a lame assignment."

"I don't know, I kind of like the challenge," I told him honestly. "I'm new to this whole art thing, but it's so much better than sitting through some of the other elective classes."

"True," he agreed. "But, now that I think of it, Home Ec. would have been a better choice."

I stared at him for a moment, perplexed by his comment. If he was anyone else I would have immediately assumed it was a joke, but I doubted Edward was even capable of joking so I wasn't sure what to think. "Um…because Home Ec. is an easier A?" I guessed.

"Well, that and the fact the entire course is about sex. I mean, an hour of nothing but fucking sexual innuendos, what could be better?"

If I had water in my mouth, I would have spit it out. _Did he seriously just say that?_

"Okay, I don't know how your last school was, but Forks High Home Ec. certainly isn't about sex," I told him.

"Are you kidding? Home Ec. is _all_ about sex. I mean, think about it. Sewing is what? Thrusting the pointy thing in and out. Then there's the cooking, which was originally taught to the girls so they could land a good husband…_to have sex with_. And then at the end of the semester they give you a baby…which is the result of all that sex."

I wasn't sure why, but I never expected Edward to say such a _normal – teen –hormone driven – guy_ comment like that, and I found myself busting out laughing. It was so unexpected but such a relief; perhaps the assignment wasn't going to be unbearable after all.

"Why are you laughing? I'm not joking," Edward said, choking on his own laughter. I only laughed harder, so he gave up the fight and laughed with me; though, by the time we finally settled back down I couldn't even remember what exactly we had been laughing at in the first place.

"Oh, how about this?" I said, suddenly spotting an odd branch that almost looked like a bent arm; it even had what looked like a hand at the end, complete with seven stick fingers stretching out the bottom. "We can take a couple of these off," I said while breaking two of the pieces from the end.

"Wow, that's actually pretty cool. Good job spotting it," he said supportively.

"But we can't leave it like this, we need to figure out a way to make it less…branchy," I suggested.

"Maybe we can do something like Paper Mache with leaves and some kind of mud or tree sap substance to cover it and give it a little more dimension."

"Yeah," I agreed enthusiastically. "The branches can be like the statue skeleton, and then we'll build it from the inside out."

"Sounds good to me," he said, surprisingly positive.

So with a plan in mind, we decided to spend the next couple hours or so collecting sticks and twine to use for building our skeleton. We still didn't have an idea for the head, but we had time to figure it all out.

We talked casually, joked, and laughed the entire hike, which only left me bewildered. Edward was nothing like I expected him to be, and I wondered why he had any issues making friends at all; I was even close to being sad when the day was over.

At school on Monday however, he was back to being _Mr. Odd Recluse_.

"Hey," I said to him at lunch, thinking we could eat together. He scowled at me, and refusing to even acknowledge that we were almost friends, he just walked away.

After school I spotted him in the parking lot, assumedly waiting for his ride home, so I decided to approach him again. "You don't have a car?" I asked, trying to sound nonchalant.

"The government doesn't often issue out automobiles to orphans," he said emotionlessly.

"Well, what about the Cullen's?" I asked, knowing Doctor and Mrs. Cullen usually gave their foster kids a car to drive.

"I don't have a license," he said agitatedly.

I swallowed roughly. "I thought you used to drive a Volvo or something?"

"Well I don't have it anymore," he snapped at me.

"Okay…I was just going to offer you a ride home," I told him defensively.

"Emmett is coming."

I bit my lower lip. "How about tomorrow? I mean, he doesn't even go to school here anymore, so it would save him a trip if I took you home every day instead."

He glared at me accusatorily, as if he was suspicious of something. It made me anxious. "Why would you want to do that?" he asked slowly, and I had to wonder if he could see through me as much as it felt like he could.

"Um…why not?" I said as calmly as possible. "We have to work on this project together, so this might make it easier. Mrs. Cullen did say we could keep all our stuff in their garage, right? So I would be going over there anyway; I may as well bring you home."

"We don't need to work on it every day," he argued. "And the Cullen's house is out of your way. It doesn't make sense for you to take me home."

"I don't mind."

"Emmett doesn't mind either," he said coldly. "In fact, Carlisle pays him to do it."

"Okay, how about once a week then? We need to get together at least that often, and that way we don't always have to use up our weekends. We can plan for every Wednesday or something."

"You're not going to stop until I agree to this, are you?" he asked irritated.

"I'm not trying to be a pain in your ass; I just don't want to get a bad grade on this. And to be honest, I don't understand why you refused to talk to me earlier. I thought we got along pretty well over weekend, but today you're acting like none of it happened."

"Just because we didn't fight the entire time, doesn't mean we have to be _BFFs_," he said mockingly.

"Do you have some kind of bipolar disorder or something?" I asked him brazenly. "I mean seriously, your drastic mood swings are giving me whiplash."

"I never asked you to understand me. We have to work together for this project, getting along is just easier, but there's no point in trying at school."

I let my head fall to the side as a response to his ridiculous comment. "Can we at least attempt to act like human beings and be cordial?"

He narrowed his eyes at me, and then huffed. "Fine, I apologize for my callousness."

"Thank you," I said before he had a chance to add some kind of snide comment to his hollow regret.

He shook his head and smirked, and there he was again, that semi-sweet guy I had begun to get to know the weekend before. "I'll tell Emmett that you'll be giving me a ride home on Wednesdays for the rest of the semester so we can work on the project. Okay?"

"And you'll say hi when we pass each other in the halls?" I asked with raised brows. "Maybe even have lunch with me every once in a while?"

"You're seriously pushing it," he said evenly. "I'll see you on Wednesday."

"Oh, are you dismissing me now?" I asked offended, unsure if either of us were being serious or not.

"Is that how it sounded?" he replied, keeping his tone unreadable.

"Pretty much, yeah."

"Well, there you go," he said, making it obvious that he was being sincere in his sour rudeness.

"You know, someday you're going to realize that being nice to people isn't a bad thing," I told him.

"I wouldn't bet on it," he deadpanned.

I rolled my eyes and disappointed myself by growling out in frustration. Edward was so infuriating, and I absolutely hated that I kept letting him get a rise out of me. Perhaps his lack of a real family and his unstable upbringing added to his personality flaws. Perhaps he didn't understand what it was like to have a friend, and he was rude on purpose to keep people at a distance. It wasn't surprising that someone like Edward would sadly have a hard time socializing, but it was also true that many people like him were ticking time bombs. My father had made a career out of locking up criminals and psychopaths who had similar traits and backgrounds as Edward, and I had to wonder if one day Edward would share their fate.

The thought sent a shiver up my spine.

* * *

*****A/N:** FYI – I, in no way, think foster kids and orphans are psychopaths. Bella's opinion of Edward is just part of the story.

I don't plan on dragging this out for too long, so it shouldn't be too many more chapters until some real information about Edward is revealed. Thanks for sticking with me :)


	6. Wednesdays

Chapter 6 – Wednesdays

"This is seriously what you drive?" Edward asked with a laugh on Wednesday after school.

"Hey, there's nothing wrong with Wanda."

"Wanda?" he snickered.

"Yes, Wanda, that is my truck's name. She's old but very reliable, and she's as tough as a tank. I could get into a head on collision with some intoxicated speeding idiot and still be okay."

He narrowed his eyes at me. "Why would you be worried about something like that?"

My heart jumped. "M-My d-dad's a cop," I stuttered. "He's seen the result of drunk drivers countless times."

"Why'd you get weird all of a sudden?" he questioned.

"How am I being weird?"

"I don't know, you just are."

"There's nothing weird about wanting to be safe on the road," I argued.

"Yeah, but you're being weird about it. Besides, most teens are only concerned with going faster on the road, not being in an accident."

"Not many teenagers have cops for dads. Why are you making such a big deal about it?"

He stared at me for a minute, and then he shook his head. "I wouldn't have, but you got weird so obviously there's something more that you're not saying."

"You know, you're freaking paranoid," I told him bitterly.

"And you're extremely defensive. Usually when someone is so defensive they're hiding something."

"Everyone has secrets," I said evenly. "Some have more than others. I'm sure you can attest to that."

He laughed once humorlessly. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

I thought about spelling it out for him, but I decided fighting was pointless, so I sighed. "If you must know the truth about my comment, fine. My mom died in a car accident a while back, so my dad is a bit paranoid with me on the road."

"Oh," he said, taken aback. "I'm sorry, I didn't realize."

"My mom's death was really hard on me and my dad…we don't talk about it, and I've never talked about it with anyone else. All my other friends know not to ask, so…" I shrugged.

I actually hated that I told him about her, and I regretted it immediately; it was too much information and far too personal then I ever wanted to go with him.

As if he could read my mind, he asked - "So why'd you decide to tell me?"

"You just said you wouldn't get into my truck until I explained."

"Yeah, but you could have just made something up. I was actually expecting you to say something like _'It was my dad's and he wanted me to learn humility by driving the beat-up clunker'._"

"Oh." I felt like a moron. "Well, that too." He chuckled, so I forced myself to relax and let it go. "Come on, let's get going," I told him, finally getting into the truck to leave.

He got into the passenger side, but his humor over my truck only escalated. "Wow, is that radio from the seventies?"

I smirked and then turned it on. "Still works, so what difference does it make?"

"How can you hear it over the sound of the engine?" he teased as my truck roared to life.

"Hey, stop knocking Wanda. She's going to get offended and decide to stop working."

"And then who would take us home on Wednesdays?" he joked.

"Exactly."

For the thirteen minute drive to the Cullen house on the outskirts of town, Edward and I laughed and playfully fought over the radio station, and once again, we were back to being almost friends just as we were on our hike. I didn't understand his mood swings, but I decided it didn't really matter and I'd just take them as they came.

"Mrs. Geist would never know if we decided to use some superglue or zip ties in here," Edward said as we were trying to tie some of the sticks together with twine. "We're covering this all up anyway."

"We are _not_ cheating," I said lightly. "We can figure this out."

Every time the damn thing would fall apart we'd just giggle, and I had to wonder if we were failing on purpose to prolong our time together. When we finally had enough for the day, Esme insisted that I stay for dinner and since Charlie was working the late shift and wouldn't be home anyway, I graciously agreed. Edward was quiet at the table with his new family, but it wasn't an attitude thing the way he was at school, it was as if he was just shy. The other Cullens would try to engage in conversations with him, but he'd just cower into himself and answer so softly that they could hardly hear him. None of them seemed surprised by his behavior, which pretty much meant he always acted in that way. It was sad really.

After dinner I expected Edward to practically rush me out of the house, but strangely, he didn't.

"So…do you want to do homework or something?" he asked awkwardly.

"Now? Here with you?" I asked to be sure that was what he meant.

"Yeah, I mean, if you want. You said your dad wouldn't be home till late, right? You can hang here as long as you want so you don't have to be alone….I mean, unless you have something better to do."

"I don't have anything else to do tonight," I admitted. "Actually, yeah, I'd like to stay a bit longer."

"Okay," he said, without a hint of attitude.

We had just eaten dinner, but Mrs. Cullen made us popcorn with M&Ms for a dessert/snack, and we did our homework together at the dining room table. Occasionally some of the other Cullen foster kids would peek in on us and snicker, but we were able to mostly ignore them. When I had a question on one of my math problems, Edward willingly offered his help, and when he was confused about a literature question, I assisted. I had to admit, it was nice having someone there to bounce ideas off of.

Around eight PM I decided to head home, though for a reason I didn't understand, Edward was troubled about it.

"It's dark," he said the moment I told him I needed to leave.

"Yeah. That tends to happen," I said slowly.

"What if your car breaks down on your way home?"

I laughed. "Now who's being weirdly cautious about cars?"

"I'm serious," he snapped at me. "Can your dad come pick you up?"

"No," I scoffed. "He's working. Besides, why would he when my truck is perfectly fine?"

He gritted his teeth. "I shouldn't have let you stay here this long."

"Edward, what's wrong?"

"It's dark!" he shouted unexpectedly, but then he paused and reached up to pinch the bridge of his nose for a moment, which seemed to calm him down. "It's dark," he repeated but in a softer tone. "I mean, you said your dad's a cop right? You should know that a lot of shit happens after dark."

"I'll be fine," I said slowly.

He glared at me, but otherwise didn't argue anymore. In fact, he didn't say anything else at all, he just stood there so I said goodnight and left without another word from him. It was very strange, and yet, I had come to anticipate strange when it came to him.

The next day in school Edward, once again, refused to acknowledge me in school, but I simply shook my head and decided it wasn't worth stressing over. All week he ignored me, so I just ignored him right back, but when Wednesday rolled around again he was waiting for me by my truck after school, and he was back to acting like we were friends again. I just shrugged and went with it.

"You sure The Cullen's don't mind us messing up this place?" I asked as I looked around at the disaster we had made in the garage.

"Nah, this is my space anyway."

"What do you mean, _your space_?"

He huffed as if he was upset he mentioned it, so I didn't think he was going to explain, but thankfully he decided to. "My therapist said it would be therapeutic for me to…do art," he said reluctantly. "So the Cullen's gave me this part of the garage to work in."

"So it's like your art studio?" I asked while looking around and noticing all the white sheets covering stuff for the first time. "What's under those?"

"Nothing. It's just the crap I make. Really it's not a big deal."

Before he had a chance to stop me, I peeked under one. "Wow," I said while pulling the sheet all the way off. "I thought you only took art to be alone?" I asked with a smirk as I looked over his masterpiece.

"I did," he assured me. "And I found out it was a solo activity by doing it at home," he said like a smartass.

"Edward, this is really beautiful," I told him sincerely as I continued to look over it. It looked to be a ceramic abstract sculpture which twisted and contorted in a way that reminded me of the weathered cypress trees along the shore. It was both haunting and beautiful. "What was your inspiration for it?" I asked, hoping he didn't think I was prying.

He shrugged. Either he didn't even know himself, or he wasn't willing to tell me; both were understandable.

"Gosh it's too bad we can't use ceramics for our project, I'm sure you could make it amazing," I told him.

"Well, we can't use regular ceramics, but there are places we can find natural clay," he suggested. "It may be a little more difficult, but we can probably thin it out a little and make it work for what we need."

"Really? That would be perfect!"

Again I was invited to dinner and I graciously accepted. I stayed and did homework with Edward, but this time I made sure to head home before dark, just to avoid any arguments. Afterward he returned to virtually ignoring me at school, and then on the following Wednesday the routine started again. For the next two weeks it continued that way, but on the fourth Wednesday he told me something that would change everything….


	7. Opening Up

Chapter 7 – Opening Up

The day started out like every other Wednesday; Edward ignored me at school, and then the moment we met at my truck that afternoon we joked and laughed like old friends. But when we began to work on our project however, Edward's playfully light demeanor suddenly darkened.

"Hey, what's wrong?" I asked.

"Nothing…I was just thinking about something," he said as he stared up at our slightly morbid looking skeleton of a statue.

"What?" I asked, not really thinking he'd answer.

He took a deep breath, and then let it out slowly. "My father was an artist," he told me quietly. "He used to do these big murals on my bedroom wall when I was little…I remember thinking he was magic or something."

"Where are your parents now?" I asked hesitantly, still thinking he'd close down. He had already said more than I ever expected from him, so I certainly wasn't hoping for more.

He pressed his lips, and then glanced down at the ground before looking around the room as if he was searching for a way to escape. But suddenly he sighed…

"My parents always used to fight…I don't remember a night where they weren't screaming at each other…But, that was normal and I didn't know any different. My dad…he was the type where he never wanted to get a real job because it would cut into his _artistic time_, so my mom worked three jobs to support us. I guess she resented him for it….We'd go weeks without being able to afford groceries. And then one day, after she got paid, she decided to go out and buy me some milk so I could have cereal the following morning….and she never came home."

"Oh my god, did she get into a car accident?" I asked horrified, thinking about my own mother.

He shook his head. "No…as far as I know, she's still out there somewhere…living her life. She just didn't want the responsibility of having a family anymore."

"How old where you?" I asked while trying to ignore the churning in my stomach. _What the hell kind of mother would just abandon her child like that?_

"Eight," he told me. "And regardless of my parent's relationship, my dad was devastated that she left. They were high school sweethearts. They had only known each other, and with her gone, he just got…angry. He started drinking. At times he blamed me for her absence. - _'If you would have been a better kid, she would have stayed'_ – Shit like that."

"That…sucks," I said, unsure what else to say.

"Yeah well, it could have been worse; he never beat on me or any shit like that."

"Where is he now?"

"He put a gun in his mouth three years ago. It wasn't the best scene to walk into after school."

I gasped. "Oh my god…You're the one who found him? That's horrible."

He shrugged.

"So…so you didn't have any other family you could have lived with?"

"Not really. I stayed with my grandma for a bit, but she died too and no one else wanted that kind of responsibility."

As appreciative as I was that he was opening up about something so personal, I wondered what convinced him to do so right then. "Edward, why are you telling me this?" I asked carefully.

He took another deep breath. "You told me about your mom, so…" he let his sentence trail off.

"Why do you ignore me at school?" I asked quietly.

He went over to the chair on the other side of our statue, and sat. I unconsciously took a few steps closer to him to wait for his answer, but it put us in a strange position where he was looking up at me; strangely enough, it almost felt like that was his intention. This was his apology…

"I used to do the whole 'popular' thing. I went to every party…dated my way through the cheer squads making them all turn on each other. It was all a game. I actually enjoyed the fact that I had to move around to different foster homes so much because I'd get bored quickly and was always ready for a new school to conquer. I never wanted to form any kind of long term relationships…"

"Because you didn't want to get hurt?" I asked, thinking about the way his mother abandoned him.

"I don't know, I guess…I never really analyzed it."

"Well, what changed? You're definitely not trying to conquer the popular crowd here, in fact, most of them are scared shitless of you," I said with a little laugh.

"Yeah, some of the rumors about me are pretty fucking hilarious. To tell you the truth, I've never been in such a small school before; it's like landing on a different planet."

"So…you're just uncomfortable here?"

"Not exactly." He scratched his head. "When I first got into town at the beginning of summer, I immediately started in on my normal shit. I talked crap to the Cullens, I picked fights with Emmett and Alice, I snuck out at all hours of the night, and I'd steal Carlisle's alcohol. I didn't really expect to stay long, but Carlisle and Esme are pretty stubborn. The harder I pushed, the tighter they'd hold on. And then, after a few weeks of my moronic behavior, I did something unforgivable….but they forgave me anyway, and I realized that none of it was worth it."

I thought about asking him what he did, but we were making remarkable progress and I feared acknowledging his 'unforgivable' act would only put me on edge, and I definitely didn't want that. I also considered asking him about his recent freak-out over me being alone after dark, but instead I decided to get back to my original question. "But what does that have to do with ignoring me at school?"

"Look, high school girls are like moths. They'll fly to anything they think is light. I can't even tell you how many girls hit on me during my first week of school, and I just...didn't want any part of it. Last year I probably would have loved the attention, but that's just not me anymore."

I wanted to snicker by his 'moth' comment since I remembered using a similar analogy for people, but I still didn't understand his issue with me. Thankfully he explained…

"The first conversation you and I had, I got the impression that you were just like them," he told me. "The way you talked and twirled your hair…it was just all so predictable, and honestly, annoying."

"So, all this time you judged me on that first meeting?" I asked incredulously. "Even after we spent that day together hiking, you still refused to consider that I was different?"

"I didn't want any friends. I didn't want to connect with you more than necessary, and I certainly didn't want anyone at school to think we were friends."

"Why not?"

"Bella, this is a small town. You know everyone. I have this…reputation here of being weird and I'm more than fine by that, that's what I wanted, but if people see you around me they're either going to think that I'm not as weird as I pretend to be, or that you're weirder than anyone ever thought."

"I really don't care what people think of me," I said honestly. "I used to do the popular thing too, but then…" I paused. "Then I decided it wasn't worth it too."

"Why?" he asked me.

I thought about how I wanted to word it, and then I sighed. "Things didn't end well between me and my boyfriend. We were together a long time, and then something happened and I knew we couldn't go on the way we were. It was too painful. I guess after that I just wanted to separate from everything that reminded me of the way it used to be."

He looked at me like he wanted to ask for more details about what caused my relationship to end, but he must have decided against it. I think we both had much more soul pouring than we intended that day.

"Bella, I'm sorry," he said unexpectedly. "For being rude to you the way that I did. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in my own shit that I don't consider what others are going through."

I bit my bottom lip. "I think everyone is guilty of that at one point or another."

Suddenly the door cracked open. "Hey guys, it's dinner time," Mrs. Cullen peeked in to say.

Just like all the other times I had stayed to eat, Edward was quiet and withdrawn at the table, so after dinner was over I decided I'd risk asking him about it.

"The truth is, I really don't know how to act around them without being a prick," he explained. "And I just don't want to act that way to them. They don't deserve it."

"Well, why was Mrs. Cullen weirded out when she first found out we were partners?" I asked him.

He chuckled. "I honestly don't work well with others. I was expelled from my last school for fighting after I was placed in a group for a project. Esme knows I have a short temper so she was probably worried about you. I guess she didn't realize what a fucking spitfire you were."

I giggled. "I'm not a spitfire…I just don't put up with shit."

"Exactly."

We both laughed.

The next day at school I was more than shocked when Edward said hi to me when we passed in the halls, and at lunch he actually came to sit with me.

"You know, people are staring," I teased him.

He shrugged. "Eh…Let them. If you really don't care then neither do I."

"Well good, then neither of us care," I said as I playfully grabbed the apple out of his lunch and took a bite out of it.

"Hey, apple thief! Man, I knew being your friend was a bad idea," he joked.

"I didn't steal it…I merely took a bite," I said while handing it back to him.

"I don't want it now; it has your coodies on it."

I laughed and then shoved him hard, but he didn't budge.

"You're not trying to push me over are you?" he asked with faux seriousness.

"Why, you think I couldn't?"

"There's no way."

"You asked for it," I said as I used all my weight to try to push him over…He didn't budge.

"I told you I can handle myself," he laughed.

"God, what are you made of, stone?"

He laughed again. "After getting my ass kicked a few times I learned to toughen up."

"Well, you've never gone up against me!" I said determinedly as I practically climbed onto his lap to try to push him over. When I still couldn't get him to move, I may have wrapped my arms around his neck to try pulling as a new tactic…It was far too close physically, and it made us both uncomfortable.

Thankfully, Edward decided to not let it get weird. "Okay, okay, I give," he chuckled as he pulled my arms off of his neck and subtly scooted away from me.

It was wonderfully surprising how quickly we became real friends. It seemed like when Edward opened up to me about his parents, we were both able to relax a bit and our relationship took a drastic turn for the better. He finally trusted me, and without trust, we had nothing…

* * *

*****A/N:** Hmmm are all the secrets revealed? I'm not so sure about that ;)


	8. Falling

Chapter 8 – Falling

Edward and I quickly became inseparable. Every break and lunch hour at school we'd spend together, and our once a week afterschool time turned into every day. Emmett was happy because he never had to pick up Edward anymore, but I had to wonder about how serious his annoyance with my presence actually was.

"_Don't you have a home of your own?" _– Emmett would tease me. _"My parents should file for legal guardianship of you, that way at least they'd get a kickback from the state."_ - He always kept his tone light, but my insecurities usually got the better of me.

But Edward's and my newfound closeness not only got a rise out of his foster brother, but also out of the kids at school…

"Bella, please tell me it's not true," Jessica said to me one day.

"What's not true?" I asked, honestly clueless about what she was going to say.

"That you're dating Edward Masen," she said with horror laced in her words.

My stomach sank. "N-No, we're not d-dating…We're just f-friends," I stuttered. As friendly as Edward and I were, the truth was I never even thought about the fact that people would get that idea about us. We were always together, but we never crossed that line or even talked about it, and I was grateful we hadn't. I was in no place to have a new romantic relationship of any kind, especially considering how my last one ended up.

Even after months apart, and a complete change in my lifestyle, I still undesirably thought about Jacob. I hadn't seen him in a long time, which was odd since we went to the same small school, and quite honestly, I was worried about him. We had agreed to keep our distance, but it seemed he was taking our avoidance to the extreme. It wasn't that I regretted anything, but Jake and I had been together for the majority of our lives, and at times I missed the way we were. Everything was so much easier back then, and I just hoped he was okay.

As the weeks continued to pass, Edward and I only grew closer, and I'd often get lost in the person I was becoming with him. I thought about Jake less and less, and when I did think of him, I quickly tried to think of anything else. Our separation was necessary, and the more I told myself that, the easier it was to accept.

But with Edward's and my strengthening connection, there was a strange tension that crept between us that I didn't understand. I had no idea where the tension came from or what it meant, but every time we were near each other I could feel it. It was tightening in my chest, and a tingling in my gut; it was almost tangible, like I could reach out and grab it. It absolutely scared the shit out of me, so I tried my best to ignore it.

"So…what are your plans?" I asked Edward as we hung out in his room. We had been lying on his bed just listening to music, but that newly familiar tension was pulsating between us in waves, and I couldn't take it anymore. It seemed the sensation was the strongest in our silence, so talking was always a good way to alleviate it.

"Plans for what?" he asked, amused by my vague question. I was fairly certain he could feel the vibrations between us as well, and I had an overwhelming urge to ask him what it meant, but I bit my lip and kept it to myself.

"For the future," I clarified. "Graduation is coming…what are you going to do after?"

"I don't know, I haven't thought about it," he said. "What about you?"

"I don't know, maybe The Art Institute of San Francisco," I joked.

"Sure," he laughed.

"Hey, let's go to the beach!" I suggested excitedly. "We never went, and we're running out of time for the project. Besides, it would be fun."

"We have everything we need for the project," he snapped.

"Hey, why'd you get grumpy all of a sudden?" I asked him.

"I told you, I don't want to go to La Push."

"Okay, well La Push isn't the only place that has beaches. Come on, go pack us some snacks and let's go," I told him, refusing to let his abrupt sour mood get us down. It had been weeks since he threw me one of his vast mood swings, and I wasn't going to let him start again.

"Fine," he grumbled.

After packing a picnic lunch, I took Edward to Rialto Beach, which he wasn't too thrilled about.

"What?" I asked, already knowing what he was going to say.

"This is way too close to La Push," he complained.

"Come on. It's not First or Second Beach, or even Third Beach, and look, there's no one here," I told him.

"Whatever," he mumbled before unbuckling his seatbelt and grabbing our food. "But if everything goes to hell, you'll have no one but yourself to blame."

I giggled. "Okay."

Edward was crabby for all of about two minutes, but when we hiked down the trail to the beach and we saw that it really was vacant, he immediately relaxed.

"Wow, look at all that driftwood," he said astonished as we gazed over all the massive fallen trees spread across the sand.

"They're cool, huh?" I agreed. I had usually gone to Second Beach as a kid, but Rialto Beach definitely had its charms.

"They're beautiful," Edward said as he moved closer so he could see them better. "Look at this one, I bet it's ancient." He ran his hands slowly along the length of a log, and marveled over the way it curved. I had never seen anyone more enthralled with any unanimated object before; it was odd and almost fascinating at the same time.

It took a bit, but eventually I managed to pull Edward away from the monstrous drift wood, and we set up our picnic near the water.

"You know, I never understood the whole idea of beaches being romantic," he mused as we picked apart the sandwiches Esme had made for us. "I mean, it's cold, and dirty, and usually crowded. How the hell would anyone find it appealing?"

"Oh come on, don't be such a cynic," I teased him. "The waves are crashing…"

"It's noisy, I can hardly hear you talk," he argued.

"The gulls are singing…" I continued.

"More like squawking. It's irritating as all hell."

"It's nature at its best," I told him.

"It's _something_," he said mockingly.

I giggled, and then unconsciously threw my sliced tomato at him, which stuck to the side of his face. "Oh my god…I'm so sorry," I said in a mix of horror and humor. "I honestly don't know why I did that."

He sat there stunned for a moment, and then slowly reached up and pealed the tomato from his cheek. "Well, I sincerely hope you love the ocean as much as you say you do, because you're about to go for a swim," he said in a playfully menace tone.

"What? No!" I screamed as I jumped up and made a run for it. I knew I wasn't the fastest of individuals, but I thought I had enough of a head start to at least make it into the trees for some protection; oh, how wrong I was. He caught me in about two seconds, and immediately hoisted me over his shoulder to begin carrying me towards the water.

"No…put me…down," I forced out while choking on my laughter.

"Nope. Every action has an equal or greater reaction," he told me with a snicker.

I screamed and flailed around as he approached the waves, but the moment he was about to throw me in I clung to him in an iron tight death grip.

"Whoa!" he shouted as we both fell into the water.

We screamed out from the shock of the cold, and then he stood and pulled me up with him. "Why did you do that?" he asked as he yanked on his wet shirt, which clung to his body showing just how well toned he actually was. He certainly wasn't as big as Jake, but to be honest, I often secretly thought Jake was too big.

"If I was going in, so were you," I laughed while ringing out my hair.

"I wasn't going to really throw you in," he told me. "Jeeze, what kind of prick do you think I am? But then you started flailing around and I lost my balance, so now we're both wet."

"Oh…sorry. But hey, since we're already wet," I said with wiggling brows.

"What?" he asked clueless.

"Come on, follow me."

"I don't think I'm going to like this," Edward mumbled as he reluctantly followed.

We reached the top of the cliff fairly quickly, but when we got there, and realization hit him, Edward was more than a little against it. – "Oh no," he said with a shaky laugh. "Not going to happen."

"We're already wet," I argued.

"That doesn't mean I want to break my neck while jumping off a fucking cliff."

"Don't be such a baby. I've jumped hundreds of times."

I pretty much figured Edward wasn't going to jump when I brought him up there; no one unfamiliar with cliff diving usually did. Perhaps that was the reason I took him there in the first place, perhaps our closeness was too much and I was looking for a way to distance us. I wasn't sure the reason, and I refused to take the time to really analyze it; we were there, and for me there was no turning back.

He looked into the distance, and then glanced over his shoulder at the forest behind us. "Wait a minute…are we in La Push now?"

I shrugged. "I have no idea where the cutoff is. Why does it matter anyway? We're about to jump into the great big Pacific, and the ocean doesn't belong to any city. Let's go…" I told him, and before he could protest anymore, I leaped away from him off the cliff.

The truth was, I had only ever jumped with Jake, and I never jumped from that particular spot, or that high up, but I knew other kids did so I was confident it was safe enough. However, when I hit the water I was immediately pulled down by a strong undercurrent, and I struggled to fight my way to the surface. The harder I tried to swim, the stronger the waves would keep me under.

Everything started to get hazy as my lack of oxygen made it hard to focus, but suddenly I wasn't alone. I turned my head and saw Edward trying to swim towards me, but he was just as trapped as I was. We must have realized it was impossible because we both stopped struggling, and after staring at each other for an undefinable about of time, I was surprised to see a look of peace overcome his features.

And then suddenly, the next thing I knew, I was being pulled out of the water.

It was disorienting and I briefly thought I was dead, but as I laid on the sand and looked up at the sky, I realized I was alive because everything hurt. When I was finally able to move, I sat up and looked into a familiar face. "Jacob?" I asked, though the sound that came out of my lips was more of a gurgle.

"What the hell are you doing?" he yelled at me. "Are you fucking crazy?"

Still confused, I looked around. "Jacob? What are you doing here?"

"Me and the guys just came to play some beach soccer, when I saw you jumping off the cliff. What the fuck Bella?"

"People jump from there all the time," I argued absently.

"Not when the waves are this strong, and never alone. You would have gotten yourself killed if we weren't here."

"I wasn't alone, I…. Oh my god!" I said when I realized Edward was nowhere in sight. I forced myself to stand up and immediately started towards the water.

"Bella, what are you doing?" Jake said, grabbing a hold of my arm to restrain me.

I couldn't breathe. It was worse than being trapped under the water, and I was absolutely petrified. I couldn't even find my voice to tell Jake to let me go; I could do nothing but just stand there, staring helplessly at the waves.

I had no idea how much time passed, and I could only vaguely hear Jake talking somewhere outside my own personal hell, but then, like beacon of light, a figure came climbing over the rocks from the other side of the cliff.

It was Edward…

* * *

*****A/N:** Getting to the nitty-gritty of the story, so hold on tight…


	9. Regret

Chapter 9 – Regret

For a moment, as I stood there watching Edward stumbling towards us, a feeling of regret washed over me. _What the hell kind of person was I?_ And then I was flooded with relief - _Thank god he was okay_. Of course the relief only lasted another moment, because then I realized what a serious issue was about to unfold.

"Who the hell is that?" I heard Jake ask from behind me.

"That looks a hell of a lot like Cullen," one of his friends said evenly.

When he reached us, Edward leaned forward and rested his hands on his knees while panting for air. "Seriously, do you have a death wish?" he asked me, seemingly unaware of Jake and his friends' presence.

"You jumped in after me," I said, still in disbelief. "I didn't think you were going to jump."

He stood and took a deep breath. "I sure as hell wasn't going to let you jump in there alone."

"Yeah, cuz you really saved her," Jake said condescendingly.

"I tried," Edward spat bitterly. "The current took me in the opposite direction. I barely managed to grab a hold of that rock on the other side of the cliff."

"Fucking pathetic," Jake snickered under his breath.

"Did you say something?" Edward challenged him.

"What the hell are you doing here, Cullen? You were told to never step foot in this town again," Sam said from behind us. Sam was Jake's older cousin and a member of the tribal council, therefore he liked to think he ran La Push. Needless to say, I wasn't surprised by his attitude, but I still didn't understand what the issue was.

"My name is not _Cullen_, and trust me, I didn't come here on purpose," Edward said sourly while shooting me a dirty look.

"Well, Papa Cullen can sure talk you out of anything, can't he?" Sam replied mockingly. "You may as well take his name, it's the only way you'll ever get anywhere in life."

"Nah, Mr. Money Bags will buy his way into college, I'm sure," Jake added. "But tell me Cullen, what would happen if Carlisle suddenly found himself losing a lawsuit for all he's worth? What will happen to your luck then?"

I seriously wanted to punch Jake in the face. _Why the hell was he saying that shit?_

Edward shrugged. "Well, at least he'll still be able to walk; I'm sure we'll figure something out. How is your dad, by the way?"

And that did it. Jake completely snapped and charged Edward in a fit of blind range. Thankfully Sam and his other friends grabbed a hold of him before his fists could make contact with Edward's face. "Don't you ever talk about my father again, you fucking prick!" Jake shouted as he flailed around trying to break free of his friends' grasps.

"Calm down, Jake, it's not worth it!" Sam shouted, trying to calm him down. "In a few years he'll be nothing but a bad memory."

Jake finally stopped fighting, and he took a deep breath to steady himself. "Someday you'll get yours, Cullen, and I'll be in the front row laughing the whole way."

"You've said that before, but I'm still waiting," Edward goaded.

Jake glared at him like he was going to pounce again, but then he turned his angry gaze at me. "What the hell are you doing here with him, Bella?"

"We're friends. We were just hanging out. Why do you care anyway?" I asked with as much attitude as I could muster.

"He's nothing but bad news," Jake replied. "And you're fucking smarter than that. Now let's go, I'm taking you home."

"My truck's here," I told him.

"Oh, that's right; Cullen can't drive anymore, can he?"

"Shut the fuck up," Edward warned.

Jake ignored him. "Come on Bella, Sam will drive your truck home."

"No! I'm not your girlfriend anymore…"

"Wait….Jacob Black is your ex?" Edward interrupted. "Oh, this is just fucking perfect," he said before turning and walking towards a trail leading to the street.

_My stomach twisted. _

"And don't fucking come back!" Jake yelled after him. "Next time we won't be so nice!"

I stood there for a moment and watched Edward get smaller in the distance, and then I turned and shoved Jake hard, making him laugh. "What?"

"I really don't like whatever game you're playing," I told him through gritted teeth.

He immediately stopped laughing. "I'm not playing a game, Bella. Don't bring that prick here again."

I narrowed my eyes at him, but instead of wasting time with questions, I decided it was more important to run after Edward…. I only wished I could find him.

After looking for him for over an hour, and being more than a little exhausted from my near death experience, I decided to go back to our original picnic area. I was surprised to see Edward's stuff gone, so I figured he was pissed and called Emmett to pick him up. I didn't blame him. I considered heading over to the Cullens to apologize and make sure he made it home all right, but I decided against it. If I knew Edward as much as I thought I did, he needed a little time to cool down before we talked again. Instead, I just went home; there was nothing in the world that I wanted more at that moment than the comfort of my mother's quilt.

My entire body ached, there wasn't a single muscle that didn't hurt, but wrapping myself up in the blanket my mother sewed made all the pain go away. I laid down on my bed, and the moment my head it the pillow I fell asleep, but it definitely wasn't a sound sleep. I kept dreaming about being stuck under the waves, and that horrible feeling I got when I thought Edward hadn't survived. It was so incredibly reckless and idiotic of me, and I realized that I was nowhere near as strong as I thought I was.

I didn't get out of bed until later that evening when my father came home from work. I caught him trying to microwave spaghetti sauce in the jar with the metal kid on, so I quickly ran over to stop him.

"You can't do that," I told him as I took the jar out and poured the sauce into a bowl.

"But your mom used to cook sauce in the microwave?"

"Not like that," I said with a giggle. "Sorry I haven't been cooking for you lately, I've been a little preoccupied."

"Yeah, you're gone more than I am. I should have a talk with Jake and yell at him for keeping you so busy," he said with a chuckle.

I bit my lower lip. "Dad…Jake and I…we haven't exactly been together," I admitted.

"What do you mean? You broke up? When the hell did that happen and why didn't you tell me?"

"We decided to separate over the summer. It was just too hard with everything that happened."

"Bella, that should have brought you two together, not tore you apart. You both went through so much…"

I put up my hand to stop him. "Dad, please…I don't want to go over the whole thing again."

"You'll never heal if you keep running from it," he lectured.

"I'm not running… Look, it's been a long day. Why don't you let me fix you dinner and then I think I'm going back to bed."

"Bella…Your mother would have wanted you to be happy," he said while tearing up.

My chest tightened and my eyes burned. "I'm working on it, dad," I choked out before running to the bathroom to try to get a hold of myself. I had to be strong for him, it was the only way we'd both survive it.

The next day I decided to head over to the Cullen's and try to apologize to Edward. I had no idea what kind of mood he'd be in, but I certainly didn't expect him to refuse to see me.

"I just need to talk to him," I told his sister Alice.

"I have no idea what happened between you two yesterday, but he told all of us that he doesn't want to see you anymore."

My stomach sank. _Stupid fucking Jacob._

"Alice, please… I just need to talk to him," I told her, starting to feel desperate.

She sighed. "I'll go see what I can do."

She invited me into the house, so I sat in the living room alone, just waiting for her to talk Edward into seeing me. She must have worked her magic, because about ten minutes later she came down the stairs with Edward trailing behind her.

"What?" he said rudely the moment Alice walked out of the room.

"Edward… I'm really sorry for the whole cliff thing…And I should have listened when you said you didn't want to go to La Push…I still have no idea why those guys hate you so much, but I guess that's between you and them."

He glared at me. "Why didn't you tell me Jacob Black was you ex?" he asked slowly.

I scrunched my brows. "I didn't know full disclosure about past relationships was a requirement when befriending someone. Besides, I had no idea you knew him. You didn't seem to really know anyone. You've only been living in town since the beginning of the summer, how was I supposed to know you already managed to make enemies?"

He clinched his jaw, and we both knew he didn't have a comeback. "Look, the thing between those Quileute's and me is just…bad, and the fact that you dated one of them….I don't know, I just think it would be better if we stopped hanging out."

"Wow, I never took you as a fucking coward," I told him without thinking. _Where the hell did that come from?_

Surprisingly, he smirked at me. "I'm not a coward…I just don't want to mess with those guys anymore. Hanging out with one of their exes is just going to aggravate them even more. They're going to think I'm doing it to get to them."

I bit my lower lip as I considered how to respond to him. "Edward…Please don't let those assholes get between us. It's been a long time since I felt this close to anyone, and…I don't want to lose you." When he didn't answer right away I decided I wasn't past begging. "Please?"

He stared at me for another minute, and a look of doubt crossed his features, but then he sighed. "Fine. _I guess it doesn't matter anyway since I'm already going to hell_."

I wasn't sure if I even heard him right, but I was grateful he decided to continue with our friendship, and that was all that really mattered to me right then.

"Well, it's a good thing you decided to forgive me," I told him while fighting back a smile.

"Oh yeah, why's that?" he asked, slightly amused.

"Otherwise you'd have to finish our project by yourself," I joked.

"Pfft! All we have left is sculpting it with the clay, and we both know I'm doing that part alone anyway."

"Hey, I can sculpt," I said defensively.

"Sure. You forget, I saw that _creation_ you made in class when we had the pottery assignment," he teased.

"Hey, I resent that," I told him playfully.

I was confident we would continue to spend all our time together, but things were definitely strained. The threat to our relationship had made that familiar tension between us escalated tenfold, and now it was laced with something darker. If we couldn't get a hold of whatever it was soon, I was sure it was going to explode in our face, and I certainly couldn't allow that to happen…

* * *

*****A/N:** I know you were hoping for answers, but we're so close now, can't you just feel it? LOL.


	10. Inevitable

Chapter 10 – Inevitable

Things had somewhat gotten back to normal with Edward and me, but that ever present tension made our time together extremely difficult, so I found myself spending more time than usual at home with Charlie. My relationship with Edward was extremely important so I still went there every day, but whenever we weren't working on our project, I made it a point to be home early enough to eat dinner with my dad.

"Hey honey, I'm glad you're home; I ordered a pizza," Charlie said one evening as I walked through the door.

"Um…Great," I said as enthusiastically as possible. The truth was, pizza really wasn't my thing.

"So…how was your day?" he asked strangely.

"Dad, what's going on?" I asked knowing he was going to skip around whatever issue he was having.

He took a deep breath. "Have you been hanging out with Edward Masen?"

"Uh...yeah," I said reluctantly. "Why, is there a problem with that?"

Charlie brought his fist to his mouth, and then he turned and walked around himself before slamming his fist against the counter, making me jump. "Damn it, Bella, I don't want you anywhere near him!" he shouted at me.

I didn't even think Charlie knew who Edward was, but apparently he was recently informed. So I stood up straight and refused to let him treat me like a child. "Dad, I think I'm capable of deciding who I can and can't hang out with….He's my friend…"

"Bella, he's dangerous!"

"You've been talking to Jake, haven't you?" I asked sharply. I was so mad at Jake for bringing Charlie into it that I was literally seeing red. He had absolutely no right.

"Damn right I have, and I'm certainly not too happy with him right now either. Bella…It has to stop."

I shook my head. "I'm not going to stop seeing Edward, dad. You have no idea what it's like…"

"But I do," he cut me off. "I know exactly what it's like to be young and think you know somebody and think you can handle something, only to be utterly blinded by the painful reality of the situation. You're still hurting from the loss of your mom, and god knows I understand that, but getting involved with that Cullen isn't the answer. Go talk to Jake…. Work out your relationship issues, and try to get your life back on track. Your mom would have wanted that."

I nodded contemplatively. "It would be nice, wouldn't it? To go back to the way things were before, when we would all get together every Sunday for the big game, or hiking up to camp by the river…_and spend all our holidays together like one big family_…." Tears began streaming down my face; I ignored them. "But mom's the one who always made the snacks for the games, and packed the camping stuff, and made the turkey..." I wiped my face angrily now. "But she's not here anymore, and Billy is in a wheelchair! There is no getting our lives back on track. We'll never be the same again, and I certainly don't need that agonizing reminder for the rest of my life. So I'm going to continue to hang out with Edward, because it is the only thing that makes me feel like I'm not dead too."

Charlie stared at me for a moment, having no idea how to respond to that, and then he swallowed roughly. "Bella…I just can't lose you too."

"Then let me do what I need to do," I told him emotionally.

He couldn't look at me, but he did give off the slightest nod, and I was grateful. We both knew that I was eighteen and I could do as I pleased, but the last thing I wanted was my relationship with Edward to drive a wedge between me and my father. He was the only family I had left, but he had to realize that I wasn't a little girl anymore. It was time for me to grow up and make my own way, and that was exactly what I intended to do.

…

That weekend Edward and I were excited to finally give our skeleton statue it's clay cover. As Edward predicted, he was doing the sculpting, and I was pretty much just sitting there, annoying him with my opinions.

"The left side is bigger than the right," I told him as the clay began to take shape.

"The hips, or the boobs?" he asked irritated. We had decided to make our statue female, simply because Edward said he didn't feel like sculpting a dick. I told him we could put clothes on it, but he insisted that all true works of human art were naked. I wasn't exactly sure how Mrs. Geist would like it, but I figured I could always bring one of my old dresses to drape around it if necessary.

"The hips," I told him with a giggle. I swear, I had no idea what the hell was wrong with me. The more our project started to look _'human'_, the gigglier I got; you would have thought I was a twelve year old in my first Sex Ed class or something. _Then again, perhaps the giggling was an unconscious way to alleviate that ever growing tension_. "I guess the boobs are a little lopsided too," I added with more giggling.

He just rolled his eyes at me and tried to fix the problem. When he figured he was just about finished with the body, he took a step back to admire his work, and my giggling turned into full out, side splitting laughter.

"What? I think it looks good," he said exasperated.

"It looks like a headless My Size Barbie," I choked out.

"What's that?" he asked clueless.

"It's a…never mind. Edward, how many girls have you seen naked?" I asked him, trying to be serious.

"Plenty," he answered a little too quickly.

"Where? Late night Adult TV?" I teased him. "Very few real women have huge boobs, and no fat anywhere else. If we're showcasing the female body as art, we should do it a little more accurately."

"Pfft, the chicks I've been with looked just like this," he argued feebly. I raised a brow at him so he decided to come clean. "Alright, so I've only been with two different girls…and neither of them would get completely naked, but still….I know what a female body looks like."

"Yeah, I can tell with your spot on portrayal," I said sarcastically.

But then he smirked mischievously. "Well, if you want it to be realistic, why don't you take off all your clothes and model for me. I mean, real artist use real naked models all the time."

I knew he was only kidding, but a moment of bold stubbornness grabbed a hold of me and refused to let go. "Fine," I said, and then rushed over to make sure the garage door was locked before I began stripping.

"Uh…" Edward was more than a little speechless.

"I told you, an A in this is _very _important to me," I said to him as I pulled my shirt over my head. "Besides, the whole 'nude art thing' was my favorite part of _Titanic_, and I always wanted to do it."

"Uh…" Edward said again, but when I got down to nothing except my bra and underwear, all he could do was stare.

"Don't make this weird," I told him. "It's_ art_."

"Uh…yeah, sure," he finally managed to force out.

I took a deep breath, and then reached behind my back to unhinge my bra…and without pausing, I threw it off and went right for my underwear. _Thank god I shaved that morning_.

At first I couldn't even look up. As I stood there naked in front of Edward Masen I was absolutely horrified with myself and wondered what the hell possessed me to do it, but when my eyes lifted and met his, I couldn't help but laugh at the dumbfounded expression on his face.

I had no idea how long he stared at me with his mouth agape, but finally I decided we both had enough. "Edward!" I shouted, hoping to knock him out of his stupor.

"Wha-huh? Oh yeah…sorry," he replied while shaking his head. He banged his palm into his forehead strangely, and after a few more awkward moments, something seemed to click in his brain and he was able to focus on the task at hand, as opposed to the fact there was a naked girl standing in front him; _an impressive feat for any teen boy. _

He used his sculpting tools to remove a good portion of clay from the breasts, and he also added some to the hips. I was in no way considered heavy, but I definitely had more meat on me than what he had originally created on the sculpture, and my breasts were nowhere near as large. I had always been slightly insecure about my body, but the statue's form that was emerging in my image was absolutely beautiful, and I realized I had nothing to be ashamed of…_physically that is._

When the rough cuts were finished, Edward wet his hands and began defining and smoothing the piece. I probably could have stopped posing at that point, but I couldn't move. I was literally frozen there as I watched his long fingers caressing the body, and shaping the more intimate areas of the statue.

Once again, that constant tension escalated, but this time it was stronger than anything else I ever experienced before. As Edward's fingers continued to work, I could feel them, as if they were on my body instead. Everywhere his hands moved, to the hips, to the stomach, to the breasts, my body would react in tingling fits of desire.

I couldn't think straight. There was a humming deep inside my ears that made it impossible to rationalize the situation. Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew it was wrong and I should get dressed…but those fingers…those long, talented, meticulous, assertive, fingers…

He re-wet his hands, and when he moved them to the space between the statue's legs, I quivered and knew I was done for. The water dripping from the clay was nothing compared to the moisture dripping from me, and I uncontrollably let out a low moan.

He must have heard me, because he glanced up and smirked cruelly, as if he knew exactly the kind of torture he was inflicting on me.

I couldn't take it anymore. My once frozen form shattered, and my hand began moving of its own free will. It immediately grabbed onto my sex, and not even my horrified conscience could stop it. Edward must have realized that I broke, because the next thing I knew, I was pushed up against the back wall and his body was holding me in place as his lips attacked mine.

It was an uncontrollable frenzy as we tried to devour each other. His muddy hands were all over me, covering most of my body in a layer of wet sloppy clay, but in that moment, I just wanted more. Desperate to be even closer to him, I pulled his shirt over his head as he made quick work of his pants, and without a word uttered between us, he lifted me up allowing my legs to wrap around him, and then he thrust himself right inside me.

We both moaned from the sensation, and then he proceeded to pound into me as if we were embarking on the battle of our lives.

It was months' worth of building tension that I now understood was intense sexual desire, and I realized in that moment that it was only a matter of time. It was inevitable. We were both slaves to it, and I was an idiot to ever think I was strong enough to resist.

I held onto him tighter than I ever held onto anyone or anything; I had to, otherwise I surely would have collapsed from the sheer force of it. I honestly didn't know how he was still standing, but he never faltered. He was so much more powerful than I ever gave him credit for, and I knew right then and there that he would win the war.

After the buildup finally reached it's explosive climax, we just stayed in that position for an undefinable amount of time. We were so close to each other, both clinging onto those last few precious moments of relief and contentment, and that's when it happened….

It crept in slowly at first, but as my wits returned, and comprehension began to settle in, I suddenly felt numb. _What the hell just happened?_

* * *

*****A/N:** Answers, _real answers_, coming up next!


	11. Whatever It Takes

Chapter 11 – Whatever It Takes

"Are you okay?" Edward asked gently.

I couldn't look at him, but I couldn't just stand there naked in his arms any longer either. So I shook my head reflexively, and stepped away from him.

"What's wrong?" he asked concerned.

I didn't think it would be possible, but somehow I found my voice. "Nothing's wrong," I lied unconvincingly. "I…I just remembered that I promised my dad I'd go with him to his doctor appointment."

"Bella," he whispered as I rushed over to grab my clothes.

"He has those pre-cancer skin spots and it scares him, so I usually go to his annual checkups for support," I told him, continuing with the pathetic lie as I got dressed in record time.

"Bella, I'm sorry….I thought….I don't know what I thought."

"It's fine," I said, trying to make my voice as steady as possible. "Everything is fine…I'll see you later," I said before practically running out of the garage. I didn't even realize that I had left my shoes behind until I slammed on the gas pedal in my truck. But I didn't care. I just needed to get away as quickly as possible, and I knew exactly where I needed to go…

I was in full blown panic mode; not even almost drowning or the death of my mother compared to what I was currently experiencing. I was freaking out so much that I didn't notice the speed at which I was driving, and it only took a couple minutes before flashing lights glared in my rearview mirror.

My stomach twisted into agonizing knots because I knew exactly who was pulling me over. For a brief moment I thought about making a run for it and just dealing with him later, but then again, I wouldn't put it past my father to chase me and then force me to spend the night in a jail cell. I probably deserved it.

"Bella….do you have any idea how fast you were going?" Charlie asked.

I couldn't even look at him, so I kept my eyes locked on the steering wheel. "Fifty?"

"Honey, what's wrong?" he asked concerned. Charlie wasn't the most perceptive of men, so I was surprised he caught on so quickly.

"Nothing, I'm fine," I lied.

"Bella, look at me!" he demanded, so reluctantly I turned. "What happened? Did that punk hurt you? Bella tell me what's going on. I swear I won't hesitate to…"

"Dad, I said I'm fine!" I shouted at him.

"Why are you covered in mud?" he asked slowly.

I didn't consider the fact that the clay was still all over me and had dried and hardened, but it only made me that much more desperate to get to where I was going. "I was hiking and I fell. It's not a big deal," I lied again.

He narrowed his eyes at me and then leaned his head in the truck as if he was trying to get a closer look. "Is that a handprint on your neck?"

"What? No," I said quickly while trying to see what he was talking about in the visor mirror. Sure enough there was a distinguishable clay print in the shape of a hand on my neck. The memory of those long dirty fingers on my skin sent shivers down my spine, and I had an unwelcomed moment of yearning, which I quickly pushed away. "Dad, I really need to be somewhere right now. I'm sorry for speeding," I told him in a rush.

"Bella, look, I've basically thought about nothing else since we talked the other day, and I've decided that I need to ask you one more time to stop seeing Edward…"

"Dad, please just stop," I asked desperately.

"This thing with him," he continued, "whatever it is, it's going to ruin your life."

"It already has," I said with tears streaming down my face. "Please, I have to go," I told him, and before he could argue I put my truck into drive, and pushed hard on the gas pedal; thankfully, Charlie didn't follow.

I continued to speed down the highway until I finally arrived at that familiar turnoff, and then my stomach twisted in even tighter painful knots. I had grown up on those streets, and they always gave me a sense of home being there, but now I felt sick and disgusted by everything. I hated that one horrible event could overshadow all the beautiful memories I had there, but that ominous cloud refused to lift and only seemed to devour more and more of the light with each passing day.

I parked my truck in the little parking lot, and then I ran down the trail and right to the beach where I knew he'd be. Jacob was always at First Beach, I only hoped he didn't have all his buddies there with him. When I found him, thankfully he was only with his friend Seth, so I felt fractionally better.

"Bella, hey what's up?" Seth jumped up and greeted me excitedly. "Long time no see."

"Hi Seth," I said, keeping my eyes locked on the waves behind him.

"Seth, go for a walk," Jake ordered him.

"But…"

"Now!" Jake yelled.

"Fine," he grumbled, and then kicked the sand up as he went.

"Bella, what's wrong?" Jake asked. He took a step closer to me, so I took a step back. "Baby, what happened?"

I shook my head and bit my lower lip. "I'm done," I managed to choke out.

"You're done?" he asked confused. "You're done with what?"

"With all of it!" I shouted with angry tears pouring down my face. "I can't do it anymore, and I won't."

"Whoa, babe, just tell me what happened."

"I slept with him!" I screamed. "We were working on the project, and…I don't know what the hell came over me, but it went too far. This whole thing has gone too far. I don't even know who I am anymore."

"Okay, just calm down. Everything is going to be fine, you just need to relax."

"Calm down? You want me to calm down? Did you just hear what I told you? I had sex with him, how the hell do you expect me to just calm down?"

"Bella, why are you getting so worked up? Okay, so you had sex with him, it's not a big deal; maybe we can even use that to our advantage. I mean, you said he's weird about his room and doesn't let you be in there without him, right? Well, maybe he'll trust you more now, or maybe you can stay the night there and start looking while he's sleeping."

I stared at him in shock. _Did he really just say that shit to me?_

"Your girlfriend just told you that she fucked another guy, and you don't even give a shit?" I asked slowly.

"It's just sex, Bella," he said evenly. "I mean, yeah, I'd rather my girlfriend not bang my worst enemy, but I'm not going to go cry about it. This is fucking war, Bella, and that means we have to do whatever it takes to win."

"Can you even hear yourself right now?" I asked him disgusted. "Whatever it takes? Do you have any fucking boundaries or morals at all?"

"He killed your mother. He put my dad in a wheelchair; so no, I don't have any morals when it comes to him. We agreed that we'd do whatever it takes to make him pay, and if that means you fucking him, then so be it. When his ass is behind bars serving a life sentence, then we'll be able to move on with our lives and forget any of this happened, but until then, we stick to the plan and do whatever it takes!"

I couldn't believe it. I was so upset by his words that I was literally trembling. I would have rather he lash out and scream hatefully at me for my betrayal then for him to act so callously. He was right, we had agreed to do whatever necessary to take Edward down, but I honestly didn't think he'd be so willing to sacrifice my body to him.

"Sex may not be a big deal to you…but it is to me," I told him brokenly.

He rolled his eyes. "Then why'd you do it?"

"You told me we couldn't see each other while we were working on this; you said everyone needed to believe we had broken up. You haven't talked to me in months. I wasn't even sure if you were okay or not. I alienated myself from my friends and I rearranged my entire schedule at school…He's the only person I've really spent time with in a long time…I...I…I got lost in this…I started forgetting who I was and what I was doing…"

"You were just playing your role, Bella, there's nothing wrong with that," Jake said emotionlessly.

I cried again. "Everything is wrong with that! I feel so…dirty."

He snickered. "Well, you are. What the hell is all over you?"

"I didn't mean…"

"I know what you meant," he cut me off. "But really Bella, you need to grow up. I don't even understand why you're so upset over this; you're the one who fucked him, so why are you here crying to me about it as if _I _did something wrong? People have casual sex all the time."

I laughed once humorlessly. "Have you been having casual sex with someone?"

He sighed. "No…But I did have a thing with this one girl when we broke up briefly over the summer."

"What?"

"I'm sorry, but we were in a shitty time, and it just happened…But I love you, and we're going to be together again when this is all over."

I wiped my tears. "At least we were broken up then….I basically cheated on you and you don't even care."

"Look, this is a unique situation. You can't think of it as cheating."

"How am I supposed to think about it?" I asked quietly.

"This is war. Plain and simple."

"And I'm your fucking spy," I said bitterly.

"Whatever it takes," he repeated. "Now, don't think Charlie knows what's going on, because he doesn't. I just told him that you're befriending Edward to see if he'll open up to you about the accident. There's no way he'd let this continue if he knew we're planning to plant shit in his room if you can't find any real dirt on him."

I huffed. "How does he even know Edward is responsible; I thought you said Billy wasn't going to tell him?"

"Yeah, I think he let it slip. Charlie wanted to go arrest him, but my dad told him what he told the La Push police."

"Which is?"

"That he can't prove it was him since he ran from the scene. It's a good thing my dad was awake long enough to get a good look at him, otherwise we'd never know who did it."

"So now my dad knows that we're doing something…and Billy knows…who else? Sam?" I questioned.

"Yeah, I'm not sure why my dad told him. I mean, he doesn't _know_ know, but he knows enough to go and threaten the prick to stay out of La Push. He just thinks he's reckless and he doesn't want him hurting anyone else."

"Why were you guys at that beach that day anyway?" I asked, suspicious of his intentions. "You're usually at this beach."

"It was a coincidence. This beach was too crowded that day so we went there. Then I saw you on the cliff, and with the tide the way it was, I figured you were going to get yourself into trouble. I didn't even see that fucker with you until he came stumbling out of the water. Look, whatever you do, don't bring him back into town. Sam doesn't need to see him here and get into our business any more than he already has…What were you doing jumping with him anyway? Trying to get him killed?" he laughed darkly.

I stared at the ocean unseeingly, and didn't answer his question. The truth was, I had no idea what I was doing that day, just like I had no idea what made me do what I did with him in the garage.

Something made me glance down at my arm, and I noticed the dried clay there as it began flaking off, so I brushed it with my hand and realized just how badly I wanted a shower. I felt so dirty, both literally and metaphorically, and the fact that Jake didn't even really care made me somehow feel worse. _"Whatever it takes,"_ he told me. I was no better than some cheap hooker with Jake as my fucking pimp, except I wasn't getting paid with money; I was getting paid with revenge.

Could I do it? Was I strong enough to continue with the charade and do whatever it took to bring my mother's killer to justice? It made me sick just thinking about it. There was no one in the world that I hated more than Edward Masen, hell, the entire revenge plot was my idea, but how was I going to keep myself sane? I already lost it so many times; Edward had a strange ability to manipulate me into actually thinking I enjoyed his company, I had to figure out a way to bury my hatred for him but still keep my wits…

"We can't go this long without talking again," I told Jacob. "I need to be reminded…I get too sucked in…Edward is…I don't know…he's…stronger than I ever thought…I feel lost when I'm around him too much. I start feeling like a completely different person."

Jake nodded. "Fine." He walked me to my truck and then grabbed my cell phone from my bag and started punching something into the memory. "See this number? It's to my new prepay phone. When you need to see me just ring it once and then hang up…I'll do the same. When you see this on your caller ID, come right to this beach to meet me. Got it?"

I nodded.

"Bella…we're going to win this."

I nodded again, but my face fell in doubt.

"Hey….I love you. Just remember that. It'll all be over soon, and then we'll get back to the way it used to be."

"It'll never be the way it used to be," I told him before driving away.

I went home and then immediately went to the bathroom to shower, but then I thought of something. I quickly ran to my room to check my birth control pill count, and was beyond relieved that I was current. _Thank god, I would rather die than carry that bastard's baby_. But when I went back to the bathroom and began getting undressed, I saw my naked torso in the mirror and was shocked by how many smeared clay hand prints that I actually had on me. I was covered in them, and regardless of how disgusted my mind was from it, my body reacted much differently...

Every touch, every kiss, every sound, it all instantly replayed in my mind, and another twang of desire pulsated from deep within me. Needless to say, I was seriously fucked up.

* * *

*****A/N:** Yeah, so who saw that coming? In my defense this story is called "Twisted". This is the point where you scream hate at me for twisting it this way, or you tell me how much you love it and go back to re-read the previous chapters to look for my hints (and yes, there were hints, the story will probably seem completely different if you read it now).

I know there's still questions you may have, but more will be explained as the story continues to unfold.

Love it or hate it, can't wait to see what you think.


	12. Craving

Chapter 12 – Craving

I laid awake all night, and then I pretty much stayed in bed the entire next day. My mind was so busy with everything from memories of my mother, to a replay of Jacob's words of indifference. I wondered if perhaps Jake had been in shock over the news that I slept with Edward, and maybe he was more upset about it after having time to really think it through. But when I checked my phone for any secret texts from him, there were none. There weren't even any texts from Edward, which I thought was odd, so then I got worried. What if I fucked everything up with the way I jetted out of the garage?

I stressed about facing Edward again up to the very moment I was leaving for school Monday morning, but then I was shocked to find the shoes I had left in his garage sitting on my front porch. At some point, Edward must have come and dropped them off, but the fact that he didn't knock on the door or attempt to let me know he was there was just more proof that I seriously fucked up.

In a way, I was relieved; If Edward didn't want to see me anymore due to my moronically awkward departure from his garage, then there was nothing I could do and I was off the hook from having to spend any more time with him, but when he actually ignored me in art class, my chest tightened and I knew I couldn't let go…

"Hey," I said to him nervously after school. I had given him his space and kept my distance all day, but after school I usually gave him a ride home, so I didn't want him to be stranded. "Um…where have you been all day?" I asked awkwardly, trying to play off our day's worth of separation as nothing more than an accident.

He narrowed his eyes at me so I braced myself for the return of his previous cold persona, but then his face unexpectedly softened. "I'm sorry…I was in the library doing research for my Lit exam."

"Oh… That's okay… Are you ready to go home?" I asked with forced casualness.

"Uh…I was thinking about just calling Emmett. He's out running some errands right about now anyway…"

"Why would you do that when I'm right here? We have to finish the statue anyway, it's almost due."

"I…" he cleared his throat, "I finished it over the weekend.

"You finished it? Without me?" I asked, feeling strangely disappointed.

"Yeah well, I figured I'd just work on it a little, but once I got into it I got carried away and finished it without even meaning to."

"Oh…Well that's cool, I just wish you would have waited for me."

"Sorry…By the way, how was your dad's appointment?" he asked, abruptly changing the topic. "It's amazing that they were able to get him in on a Saturday, I thought those kind of things were always during the week."

Fuck, he was right. I bit my lower lip…

"Well, he's a cop so they work around his schedule…as a favor," I lied horribly; he didn't buy it. "Okay, you're right, he didn't have an appointment. Edward, I'm sorry….I just…freaked out." I took a deep breath and then started walking towards my truck intending to get to a more private location to have that conversation. He followed and waited for me to explain. "It's just…when I broke up with my ex, it was really hard and I wasn't intending to…get back into something like that yet…especially with you. It's just…you're my best friend…my _only_ friend at this point, and I don't want to ruin it. I mean, I can handle not having a boyfriend, but I need a _friend-_friend…I need you, and I have no idea why I initiated that…. I mean, I am attracted to you and all, but…"

"I get it," he interrupted my barely coherent ramble. "And I agree with you."

"You do?" I asked surprised.

"Yeah…Look, I didn't want to go there with you either."

I scrunched my face in confusion. "Why not?"

He laughed at my perplexed expression. "Why would anyone _not_ want you, right?" he teased.

"That's not what I meant."

"I know, but I feel the same way you do… I mean, I'm not trying to get over a douche of an ex or anything, but do think it's better to keep things platonic between us. I've got my own shit going on, so I'm certainly not in any position to have a romantic anything right now either."

"I don't want it to get weird between us," I murmured.

He shrugged. "Then we won't let it. I was just trying to give you space because I thought that's what you wanted."

"Edward…I'm really sorry. This whole thing was my fault, and I hate that I just ran out like that afterwards; it was rude and immature."

"Let's just forget any of it ever happened," he said quickly.

"Okay," I agreed, sincerely hoping we could go back to the way we were before. "So let's go to your place, I want to see our statue," I told him as casually as possible.

He surprisingly agreed, so that's what we did, I only wished pretending away our last meeting was really as easy as it sounded…

The car trip to the Cullen's house was quiet, and once again, full of tension - _though, I refused to admit it was of the sexual variety the way I realized it was before_. But once we got to the garage, instead of feeling the tension escalade, I became unexpectedly relaxed.

"Wow…she's amazing!" I said in awe as I walked around our statue. He had sculpted her face entirely himself over the weekend, and she was absolutely breathtaking. She looked like some Greek Goddess statue, but her eyes were more alive than any I had ever seen in the art books. Strangely enough, her naked body, which mirrored mine, didn't even make me blush the way I thought it would. The statue was nothing but beautiful.

"What should we name her?" I asked Edward as I continued to marvel over her.

"Name her?" he asked with a chuckle.

"Yes, we have to name her."

"Bella, it's just sticks and clay…it's not a real person."

"Shhh! You're going to hurt her feelings," I chided him playfully.

He smirked. "Fine, what do you want to name her?"

"Well, since we made her together that means she's like our kid, so we should name her something meaningful. I always wanted to name my daughter after my mom, so how about Renee?…Oh, and her middle name could be after your mom. Renee Esme Masen. Aww, look at her, she looks just like a Renee Esme…Hey, we could squish the names together and make it Renesmee. Oh, that's cool, it would be perfect for her," I said excitedly while looking up at the piece.

Edward was quiet for a moment, so I looked over at him and was surprised to see a disturbed expression on his face.

"What?" I asked, wondering what his issue was. And then it hit me; I was talking about my mother…I even said her name. _What the hell was wrong with me?_ Her death was kept out of the papers, and as far as we knew Edward thought Billy was alone in that car he slammed into, but what if we were wrong?

And then I saw something in Edward's eyes that immediately made me relax. I didn't know how I knew, but I was sure that his disturbance from my suggestion was nothing more than light playfulness, and thankfully he decided to voice it - "Okay, first of all, Esme isn't my mom, and even more importantly, why the hell would you look at this statue as our _kid?_ It's naked and obviously…_womanly_. Hell, she looks more mature than you."

I scrunched my face in mock offense. "Hey, what the hell is that supposed to mean? She has my exact body, so how could she look _more_ mature than me?"

"Well, you're so…prissy and bashful with all your prudish clothes. Look how confident she is with the way she's standing there completely unapologetic and proud to let it all hang out."

"My prudish clothes? I suppose any amount of coverings would seem prudish compared to that birthday suit she's got on there. And, uh, I think you're conveniently forgetting the fact that I'm the one who fearlessly stripped down to model for her in the first place."

He laughed. "How could I forget that? I've thought of nothing else ever since."

My face flooded with heat, and several beats of awkward silence passed between us. Suddenly the garage seemed way too small, and that wall…the one he had me pressed against as he pounded into me only a couple days prior, seemed strangely large and almost loud as the memory of those moments screamed out at me with intense longing. It was too strong…

I cleared my throat. "So, uh…since our project is finished, why don't we go into the house," I suggested, and even before he could answer, I was already darting for the door.

"Oh good, you two are here," Esme said to Edward and me the moment we walked into the house.

"Is everything okay?" I asked her somewhat concerned.

"Everything is perfect, but I was just redoing this photo collage frame and I realized I don't have any pictures of the two of you together…Well, I actually don't have _any_ of you Bella, and Edward…well Edward looks so grumpy in all of the pictures I have of him so I'm hoping your presence will cheer him up," she said to me sweetly.

"I don't want to take any pictures," Edward protested.

"Oh, don't be such a sourpuss," Esme chided him. "I have pictures of everyone else with their S.O.s, and you're part of the family so you need to be up here."

"What's an S.O.?" I asked confused.

"Significant Other," she said with a huge grin, before stepping closer and pinching my cheek. "Edward is so lucky to have snagged himself such a beautiful girlfriend."

"Uh…" I glanced over at Edward, and when he gave me a slight head shake I decided to just go with it. "Well, I consider myself to be the lucky one," I told her with a shy smile.

"Oh…young love," she said adoringly. "Now, go stand over there together so I can take your picture."

I smiled again and obliged, but Edward had to grumble about it a bit more before he finally conceded and stood next to me awkwardly by the stairs.

"That's pitiful! Put your arm around her; she's your girlfriend, not some stranger off the street."

Edward rolled his eyes but otherwise did as he was told, but the moment his hand made contact with my waist, I was once again overcome with an intense wave of aching desire. It was overwhelmingly strong and electric, and every single muscle in my body tensed in order to attempt to defend myself from it.

"Wow, you both look like you're in pain," Esme said after snapping the first picture of us. "Is something wrong?" she asked suddenly concerned.

I glanced up at Edward, and at the same time he glanced down back at me. The instant our eyes locked my heart jumped, and for a second I forgot everything - I couldn't remember where we were, or what we were doing, or why I'd ever want to resist him. Nobody could argue that he wasn't good looking, but I never realized just how utterly perfect his face was, or how incredibly deep his eyes were until that moment when I found myself completely lost in them.

And then there was a snap…_I only wished it was enough to snap me out of my daze_. "Got it!" Esme said excitedly.

Edward turned his head towards her, but I could do nothing but stare at the new angle of his face that I was privileged to. "Got what?" I vaguely heard Edward ask his foster mother.

"The picture. I was actually able to capture that sweet look of love I see you two give each other all the time," she cooed.

She continued to speak, but I couldn't really hear her nor did I really care to. My entire body was buzzing with need, and when I unconsciously rotated my body to be flushed against his side, I was fairly certain he knew exactly what was happening with me….I only wished I did.

"We're going to go do homework," Edward told Esme before grabbing my hand and beginning to lead me up the stairs.

"Hey Edward…" Esme called after him, so we both stopped. "You're being safe, right?"

I was not in the proper frame of mind to really comprehend what she was asking, but I was sure I would have been mortified if I were.

I had no idea how Edward responded or how Esme responded to his response, but the next thing I knew we were up in his bedroom, and once again, in an uncontrollable fit or frenzied passion.

It suddenly felt like there was absolutely nothing in the entire world except the two of us. Everyone and everything could have disappeared outside that room and I wouldn't have even cared. When I was in Edward's arms, I was truly and completely with him, and when it came to its glorious end, there wasn't a single inch of me that didn't automatically start craving more. It was all so very confusing...


	13. The Benefit of Friends

Chapter 13 – The Benefit of Friends

The aftermath of having sex with Edward this time, was extremely different from the last. There was no panic, no regret; there wasn't even a moment of awkward discomfort…

"I thought we agreed not to do this again?" Edward said jokingly as we laid on his bed and tried to catch our breath.

I giggled. "We did…But I think we'll be able to control ourselves better next time."

"I doubt it."

I laughed again. "Yeah, probably not." I took a deep breath, and then rolled over so that I was resting my elbow on his chest and was able to look him in the face…_his unfairly perfect face_. "So, the way I see it, we have two options."

"Okay?"

"We can either continue to try to fight this and probably end up having sex all the time anyway, or we can just go with it and see what happens."

He pretended to think about it. "I say we go with the first option. We can fight it by pretending it doesn't happen except for when it does."

As a response to his comment, I leaned my head down and bit him.

"Ow, what was that for?"

"I didn't like your idea," I told him. "Your parents already think we're together, as does the rest of town, so why would we pretend otherwise when it's obviously what we want too."

"Is it really what we want though?" he asked unexpectedly serious.

"Obviously. We're here, aren't we?"

"This could just be attributed to overactive teen hormones," he said straight faced. "I mean, we're always together, it's bound to happen."

"You…you don't want to be with me?" I asked, suddenly feeling insecure and even more confused.

"It has nothing to do with what I want," he replied evenly.

"Wait, you think _I_ don't want _you?_ I'm laying here in your bed, I'm saying I think we should try a real relationship, and you think I don't want you?"

He sat up and then pulled on his underwear. "I think…that you're still hung up on Jacob Black," he said, taking me aback.

"I'm not hung up on my ex," I said with a little less conviction than I intended. "Why would you even think that?"

"Uh…maybe because you've basically said so multiple times."

"What? I have no idea what you're talking about."

"You said your break up was rough on you, that your families were close and you shared all the same friends, that you weren't ready for anything romantic, _blah blah blah._ Look, it's not a big deal. I get it. You were with him for a long time, your entire life revolved around him, and there's probably a big part of you that misses what you had and hopes you could get it back someday. It's natural for you to feel like that, and maybe someday, after whatever issue you had that got between you two gets resolved, maybe you can get back with him."

We stared at each other for a minute, but then I forced my eyes away. "So then what…I'm just here fucking around with you until I fix my relationship with him? That's seriously fucked up, Edward. I can't believe you think so highly of me."

He huffed. "That's not what I meant. You and me…we're friends. I'm really grateful to have you as a friend because honestly, this place sucked until you started coming around…But I'm not fucking blind or stupid enough to think you're ready, _or will ever be ready_, for a more serious romantic type of relationship with me. And we are hormone driven teenagers, so why the hell is it so wrong to turn to each other for that?"

"So let me get this straight, you want us to be _friends with benefits_?" I asked bitterly. "No commitment, no romantic dates, no jealousy or hard feelings when the other wants to date someone else?"

He laughed once humorlessly. "You make it sound like we're going to be out clubbing and taking different strangers home to fuck on a regular basis. Bella, neither of us are dating around or anything, I don't even think I could get a chick around here to sleep with me at this point, but…Look, you said it yourself, we need each other as friends more than anything else, and if this doesn't work out or you decide you still love fuckface, then I don't want us to…I don't know."

"You don't want us to hate each other," I finished for him.

"It's been a long time since I had a real friend Bella, and I don't want to fuck it up."

My stomach dropped and I honestly felt sick. "I don't want to fuck it up either," I whispered with a tear streaming down my face, and as I said the words, I honestly meant them. It was like I had split into two entirely different entities; when I was with Edward, I so desperately wished I was the person I was pretending to be, but no matter how sincere I felt about him, there was always that other part of me that absolutely loathed him for what he did to my family. It was a traumatic battle within me that was constantly raging, and for the life of me, I had no idea which side would ultimately prevail.

"Then we won't fuck it up," Edward said to me as he reached to my face and gently wiped the tear away. "We're just going to keep being friends _first_…no matter what. Okay?"

I nodded as even more tears fell. I placed my hand over his, which was still resting on my cheek, and then I leaned in and kissed him. It wasn't a premeditated act, but it felt so good and so natural that I had forgotten what every other kiss I had ever experienced before that felt like.

The kiss was slow and emotional, but it soon erupted into so much more. I didn't even know it was possible to have that much fire in just a kiss, but it wasn't long before his underwear came back off.

We had sex again, but unlike the two times before, it was gentle and sweet. It almost felt like what one's first time should be like, and I briefly wondered why I had never known that kind of tenderness before. In fact, I couldn't remember a time I ever really enjoyed sex before Edward, which pretty much only added to my confused state.

After that day I could feel my loyalties begin to shift. The person I was with Edward was winning the battle, but during the sane moments when I was alone with my thoughts, that fact scared the shit out of me. It wasn't about being true to Jake anymore, that aspect of myself disappeared the moment he encouraged me to sleep with Edward, but I couldn't entirely forget why I was there in the first place - Edward killed my mother, and no matter how many emotions I let myself feel for him, she deserved justice and I was the only one who could give it to her…


	14. Sleeping with the Enemy

Chapter 14 – Sleeping with the Enemy

Despite agreeing that we were basically going to be friends with benefits, Edward and I were rarely apart. We did absolutely everything a real couple would do, including holding hands and making out in the school hallways, but I supposed keeping away those titles of "girlfriend" and "boyfriend" put just enough separation between us that we weren't constantly worried about losing each other. We were young and in high school, the chances of us being together in that way forever were slim to none, so we just wanted to make sure we could still be friends afterwards…at least, that was the way he saw it.

But our new public closeness left the school buzzing in a constant state of gossip revolving around us. I honestly didn't care, although seeing my former best friends laughing and giving me dirty looks was hard to take at times. I'd get to the point where I just wanted to pull them to the side and explain what was really going on, but then Edward would show up and kiss me with so much passion that I'd completely forget my reasons. When his lips were attached to mine, I had no reason, and I couldn't imagine anything better.

It was during one of those types of passion filled make out sessions that we had a very unwelcomed and baffling interruption...

"What the fuck?" Edward said as his lips were ripped from mine. I didn't see what happened at first, but it only took me a moment to realize the issue.

"Nobody wants to see that shit around here," Jacob growled at him.

Edward chuckled darkly. "Oh, are we offending you, princess?"

"You're offending everyone just by your very presence here. There's not a single person at this school that doesn't think you're a fucking douche."

"Jacob, why don't you just leave us alone?" I asked frustrated. They both ignored me.

"You know, Black, you can call me what you want, but everyone knows you're just bitter because Bella is here with me and it drives you crazy," Edward said with a smirk.

"You're damn right it drives me crazy!" Jake spat. "It absolutely disgusts me. Bella is far too good for some douche like you."

"There you go with that word again. Do you even know what a douche is?" Edward asked amused. Then he took his pointer finger and shot it up through his opposite fist making a suggestive vulgar motion. "Think about it, moron."

Jacob looked like he was trying to think of a comeback, but then he just shook his head before giving me an odd look, and thankfully he finally left.

I took a deep breath and then let it out slowly. I wasn't used to that level of tension anymore, and I definitely needed a moment to come down from it.

"Sorry about that," Edward mumbled. "I know you still have a thing for him, or whatever…He just really pisses me off."

"You seemed to have a pretty good handle of yourself," I told him absently. "Edward…" I desperately wanted to ask him about his version of why he and Jake hated each other so much; I mean, I obviously knew why Jake hated Edward, but what would he say if I asked him what caused the animosity between them? Would he tell me about the accident? I honestly felt like we had grown close enough that he might open up to me, but how would I handle the information?

"What?" he asked me when my hesitation lasted for several beats longer than it should have.

I bit my lip and then shook my head. "Never mind." That was neither the time nor the place for that conversation, and the truth was, I wasn't ready to start hating him yet - _which I was sure would happen if I actually got him to admit everything. _

I suppose there was a big part of me, _a part that I denied even to myself,_ that was praying for some kind of different explanation. Perhaps Billy was wrong when he saw Edward that night…perhaps Edward was innocent and I didn't actually have to hate him at all…perhaps I could really be the person I was becoming with him. I wanted that more than anything, but Billy's recount of what happened made it seem impossible that he got the wrong guy, and the fact that Edward stopped driving his Volvo around that time only further proved his guilt. I tried not to think of that fact, but every now and again it would creep into my brain and would make me sick. Seeing Jake must have triggered those horrible thoughts, because for the rest of the day I had trouble looking at him…

"You're not staying?" Edward asked surprised when we arrived at his house after school and I didn't get out of my truck.

"My dad's home this afternoon…I should probably spend some time with him, and you know, make him dinner."

Edward gave me a strange look, as if he could see right through my half-truth, but then he seemed to shrug it off. "Okay….I guess I'll see you tomorrow."

As he turned to walk into the house, it took everything I had inside of me to not park the truck and run after him. I hated being away from him, even for the afternoon, but I realized what a huge problem that actually was and I knew I had to find a way to get ahold of my emotions again, otherwise I'd never survive any of it. He killed my mom, I had to keep reminding myself that, and if justice prevailed, he'd be in jail by graduation. – _That thought made me sicker than all the others. _

I wasn't actually lying when I said my dad was home and I needed to make him dinner; it felt like it had been ages since I spent any real time with him, and I knew he was still grieving. Being alone was definitely not a good thing for Charlie, and the fact that I had been spending most of my time with the person that caused his pain just made me feel all that much more terrible.

"Hey…I was wondering when I'd get to see you again," Charlie said when I walked through the door.

"Yeah…sorry, I've been busy," I told him vaguely.

"Bella, I don't want you to get mad and leave, but can I ask you one more time to stop doing whatever it is you're doing with Masen?"

I huffed. "Dad, can we please not talk about Edward. This whole thing is hard enough, and we hardly get to see each other so let's not taint it with arguing."

"You may be eighteen Bella, but you're still my daughter and I…."

"And you trust me to know what I'm doing," I cut him off.

"I really hate this," he grumbled. "If the crash would have happened anywhere but La Push the evidence wouldn't have been screwed up by their inept police department, and I would have that kid behind bars by now."

"There was no evidence, dad, that was the problem," I said feeling jaded from having the same conversation again for the umpteenth time.

"Well, I'm glad that Billy finally remembered he saw Masen… Knowing who's responsible is better than not knowing. But I really don't think you're going to get him to talk, Bells. Chances are he was drunk that night and probably doesn't even remember himself."

_So that was the story Billy told Charlie?_ - _That he just woke up one day and remembered Edward at the scene? _

The truth was, Billy never had trouble remembering, and I never really understood why he wanted to keep my dad in the dark; then again, had Charlie known about Edward all along he would have made our whole plan that much more difficult. I supposed Charlie had enough to deal with at that time; learning who was responsible for his wife's death but being unable to do anything about it would have been too much to bear.

"We have to try," I told my dad quietly.

"But…you're just trying to get him to _talk_ right? Nothing dangerous or illegal?"

"Of course not dad, now can we please not talk about any of that tonight? I just want to forget everything for a few hours."

He smiled sadly and then nodded. "Me too."

We didn't have much in the house and I didn't feel like going to the store, so we decided to order a pizza. We watched _Wheel of Fortune_ just like we used to, and then we found some old movie on HBO that Charlie said was one of his favorites… I was bored out of my mind and regretfully fell asleep, but a little while later he nudged me awake.

"Honey, I hate to wake you, but your phone has been going nuts over here."

"Huh? Oh…" I said while looking up the caller ID.

"It keeps ringing once and then stopping, and a few minutes later it does it again," he explained.

_Crap._ It was Jacob's secret line.

"Thanks dad…Um…I actually need to go meet someone for a little bit…Do you mind?" I asked apologetically.

He smiled sadly again. "Of course not. Go have fun, sweetheart."

I kissed him on the cheek. "Thanks dad… This was…fun. We should do it again."

He finally smiled genuinely. "Definitely."

I didn't want to go, meeting Jake was the last thing I wanted to do, but we agreed to only use that secret number when we absolutely needed to, so for my mother's sake, I went.

The entire drive to La Push was nerve-racking. Not only was I anxious about whatever new information Jake might have, but I was also scared. I wasn't ready to hate Edward yet, and I was terrified Jake was going to try and make me.

"Finally. I wasn't sure you were going to come," Jake said bitterly as I approached him on the beach.

"Why wouldn't I come, Jacob? We agreed to always come for that number," I replied with more attitude than I intended.

"Well, I figured it would be hard to sneak out of _his_ bed," Jake said scornfully.

"Not that it makes a difference, but I wasn't in his bed, I was with Charlie; so whatever it is you have to say can you just say it fast so I can get back to him."

Jacob hesitated for a minute, then he looked around at the deserted beach, and then he rushed me. It happened so fast that I didn't even understand what was going on until I felt his tongue trying to force itself into my mouth. I didn't get it, and I sure as hell didn't appreciate it. I used every ounce of strength I had to push his massive form away from me, and then I reflexively punched him in the face – a move that only seemed to hurt me.

"OW!" I screamed out.

"Bella, what the hell did you do that for?"

"Me?" I shouted irately. "Why did you attack me?"

"I didn't attack you. I kissed you."

"Why the hell would you do that?" I asked, getting even angrier.

"You're my girlfriend. I wanted to kiss my girlfriend, what the fuck is wrong with that?"

I scrunched my face and glared at him with bitter disgust. "Just this afternoon, you got all bitchy about me making out with Edward at school, and now you want me to make out with you? Really Jacob, what the hell is wrong with you?"

"You're the one who said you get lost with him. Well that's exactly what it looked like this afternoon - You getting in too deep and forgetting what the hell you're supposed to be doing. I doubt you've even searched his room yet, have you? …So yeah, I wanted to kiss you and remind you exactly what the hell is really important."

"And what is important?" I asked irritated. "Because it seems to me you've left this whole thing up to me! What the hell are _you_ doing to try to help the situation? All you've done is have these ridiculous confrontations with him which only makes him clam up even more than he is normally. So please tell me, how the hell am I supposed to accomplish anything with him if you keep coming around and fucking things up?"

"Do you think it's easy for me to see you with him?" he shouted at me.

"Probably easier than it was for me to be with him in the beginning!" I yelled back.

"In the _beginning?_" he seethed. "You're sleeping with the enemy and suddenly it's not hard for you anymore?"

"Everything about this situation is hard," I told him evenly. "Look, if you don't have anything real to tell me then I'm going home."

"You're falling for him, aren't you?" he asked incredulously.

I didn't answer him. I just bit my lip, looked out over the dark ocean, and then turned and walked back up the trail to my truck. Even if I had a confident answer to his question, voicing it would be pointless. It didn't matter how I did or didn't feel; when I went along with the plan, I gave up my right to acknowledge my feelings, and I didn't have the luxury to change my mind.


	15. White Flag

Chapter 15 – White Flag

My meeting with Jacob upset me more than I let on, and I left the beach with a throbbing hand and feeling even more frazzled and lost than ever before. Jacob was right about one thing, I didn't know what I was doing anymore, and I wondered if I ever did. There was so much about the situation that I was confused about; I only wished I knew how to get it all straightened out.

I was so worked up as I drove away from La Push that I knew I'd never be able to sleep, so I decided against going home. Instead I just drove around aimlessly for a while, just letting the hum of the tires on the road calm my nerves. It didn't really work, and next thing I knew I had unintentionally driven myself to the Cullen house.

It was late, and everything was dark, but I needed to see Edward - _it was an intense ach that I knew wouldn't be alleviated until I was with him_ - so I texted him that I was outside, and hoped he was in a position to read it. Thankfully two minutes later his bedroom light flash on, and then I saw him peek down from his window.

I inhaled deeply, and by the time I let it all the way out the front door was squeaking open.

"Bella, what are you doing here?" Edward asked sounding angry.

"I needed to see you," I said anxiously as I got out of my truck. "I couldn't sleep."

"Why…what happened?" he asked warily. His tone surprised me and made me even more anxious.

"Nothing…I just…This is the longest we've been apart since we've been…together. I just…I needed to see you."

"Why didn't you just call me? It's dark, Bella; you know I don't like it when you're out driving around after dark."

I laughed once. "Well, do you want me to drive home right now in the dark, or can I come in?"

He never really explained his fear of the dark, but I didn't really think I needed him to either, and I definitely didn't want to think about it right then.

His features softened. "Esme's going to be pissed about this in the morning," he said while wrapping his arm around me and then leading me into the house.

"I'll leave at first light," I assured him.

We tiptoed up to his bedroom and he shut us inside. He was probably planning to ask me what was going on again, but I didn't give him a chance. The moment the door was properly locked, I molded my body to his and attached our lips together wishing I could find a way to make the connection permanent. Jacob's forced kiss had left me feeling like my lips were tainted, and only Edward's could cleanse me. It was illogical, twisted, and beyond ironic, but I didn't have the strength to fight it anymore, _not that I ever did a good job of fighting it in the first place. _

I was pathetic and weak, and lacked all morals and dignity. I was lower than low, and I absolutely hated myself for not finding the strength to overcome my disturbing feelings for my mother's killer. _What kind of person was I?_ It was as if I sold my soul to the devil and there wasn't a single force on earth that could help me get it back.

For the life of me, I couldn't get enough of him. Spending the afternoon apart seemed to make us insatiable, and I couldn't even keep track of how many time we had sex that night. I had all kinds of sick demented thoughts as we laid quietly in his bed together between romps, but eventually he grew still and I realized he had finally fallen asleep.

My eyes were heavy, my body was limp, but as I was about to join Edward in unconsciousness I noticed something. I wasn't a hundred percent sure, but lying on his nightstand, just a few feet away from me, was something that looked a hell of a lot like a journal.

Could all the answers to all my questions be sitting right there in arm's reach? Could I end the entire thing by just reaching out and reading the truth in his own handwriting?

I glanced up at his unfairly perfect face, and I just watched him sleep for a few minutes. I needed to make sure he was fully out before I could do anything, but as his slow and steady breath washed over me in a delicious warm breeze, I couldn't make my hand move to take the journal.

I mentally cursed myself to no end; it was my last chance at redemption, and I was failing miserably. I forced myself to remember all the better times with Jacob, I tortured myself with picturing my father's broken grief-stricken face as he told me of my mother death, but none of it helped persuade my body to move.

I didn't remember the moment I finally gave up the battle within myself, but I woke up the next morning suddenly feeling lighter than I had in a long time. Edward wasn't in bed with me, but I could hear him in the adjoining bathroom so I couldn't help but smile to myself like a fucking moron. We spent the entire night together, and not even the fact that his journal was suspiciously gone from its previous location could dampen my mood.

"Hey," I said when he emerged from the bathroom wearing nothing but a pair of boxers. His hair was wet like he had just gotten out of the shower, and it was dripping onto his bare torso; the sight of him made me quiver.

"Hey…Do you want a shower?" he asked awkwardly.

_God yes I did._ "I should probably get going before anyone notices my truck out front," I told him reluctantly.

He smirked. "Too late for that. I woke up to the sound of Esme tapping on the door about an hour and a half ago."

"Oh my god," I said horrified. I looked over at the clock next to where his journal used to be, and I was surprised to see it was seven AM. "What did she say?"

He shrugged. "I just told her you got into a fight with your dad and needed a place to crash. She was concerned, but you're eighteen so…" he shrugged again.

"But you're not…and she's your guardian," I said concerned.

"I really don't think it's a big deal. They love you; I bet they'd let you get away with murder," he said unexpectedly.

I nearly choked on my own spit from his words.

"Are you okay?" he asked slowly.

"Yeah…morning phlegm," I lied reflexively.

"Oh…._attractive_," he teased me.

I giggled despite the tense moment. "Oh shut up, you've kissed me after I hate a tuna sandwich and Doritos."

"True, but morning phlegm is different. That's a whole other level of gross."

"Well….too bad for you that I'll be using your toothbrush to wash away that morning phlegm," I said playfully, and then I rushed past him into his bathroom and locked him out.

"Hey, that's disgusting and grossly unsanitary!" he shouted at me through the door.

I snickered loudly, but he didn't respond any further so I figured he left the room or something. So I turned on the shower and curiously smelled his bottle of shampoo. I always loved the way Edward smelled, but not even a concentrated whiff of the soap that cleansed him smelled quite as good as he did; Edward's own personal natural smell made all the difference.

Just when I was about to step into the hot water, I heard a noise behind me, and suddenly the door swung open and Edward pounced me. "I will not sacrifice my toothbrush to your rancid phlegm!" he announced theatrically.

I giggled as he wrestled me into the shower, and without even intending to do so, our play-fight turned into yet another love session.

Spending the night with Edward in that way made us remarkably even closer. I couldn't imagine my life without him anymore, and I knew without a doubt that my fight against him had officially ended with my complete and utter surrender. I had no choice but to raise the white flag and offer him my undying loyalty from there on out. But my new devotion to Edward meant the beginning of a new battle…the battle to save him.

I chose to believe that the accident that caused my mother's death was just that, _an accident_, and making Edward waste his life in jail would be the real crime. Nothing could bring my mother back and I honestly didn't think she would wish for his arrest either. But it didn't matter what he did in the past anymore anyway, because my feelings for him were irrevocably unconditional. Now my only goal was to figure out a way to convince Jacob to leave him in peace; I didn't have a doubt that would truly be the battle of my life…

* * *

*****A/N:** I hope you're properly buckled in, because this ride is about to get rough…


	16. Evidence

Chapter 16 – Evidence

As much as I would have loved to stay in that shower with Edward forever, it was a school day and that meant we had to actually get dressed and finish getting ready.

"How do I look?" I asked after spending a few minutes in Edward's closet.

"Uh…You're seriously going to wear my clothes to school?"

I giggled. "Why, do I look stupid?"

"I don't think it's even possible for you to look stupid, but…you do look like you're about to audition for some hip-hop band with how baggy it all is on you. Can you even make my belt tight enough to keep my pants from falling off of you?"

I wiggled my hips and then laughed as the pants slipped right down. "I guess not. But I don't have time to go home and change before class starts, and I have a test today…Besides, this smells like you," I said while pulling the T-shirt up to my nose and inhaling deeply.

"Then why don't you put on _your_ pants from yesterday, and just wear my shirt," he suggested.

I sighed. "I hate wearing the same pants two days in a row, but I suppose it would be better than this," I said while looking down at his pants around my ankles.

He smirked. "Well, I personally like your pants like that, but I don't think I want everyone else looking at you in that way."

I giggled. "Wow, that's a very possessive comment. I thought we were just friends?"

"As your _friend_, I'd hate for everyone to see you walking around with pants around your ankles. Besides, it's dangerous…you could trip."

I laughed again. "You're probably right about that."

"Speaking of which, what happened to your hand?" he asked unexpectedly while grabbing it gently to examine it.

"Nothing," I said while trying to pull it away, but he wouldn't let it go.

"Something. It's bruised and looks a little swollen."

"Oh…Yeah, I think I bumped it on my car door last night…Just further proof of my clumsiness."

"Do you want to go have Carlisle take a look at it?" he asked concerned.

I covered my bruised hand with my other one, so he finally let me pull it away from him. "I'm fine," I said confidently. The last thing I wanted to do was focus on my self induced injury from punching Jake; I didn't want to think about Jake at all, so I quickly tried to change the subject. "This is going to be really awkward, isn't it?" I asked as we left his room and headed downstairs.

He chuckled. "Most likely. Just some advice though, if you turn down whatever Esme offers you, she'll just get this really sad expression and make you feel like shit."

"Um…okay."

Thankfully Esme was alone in the kitchen and I didn't have to do the whole _'walk of shame'_ thing in front of the doctor or Edward's foster siblings, but Edward was absolutely right about her guilt trip…

"Is everything alright, sweetheart?" she asked me first. When I assured her I was fine, and graciously told her I wasn't hungry for any breakfast, she gave me the most piteous look I had ever seen on an adult before. "Um…maybe I should eat," I conceded.

"Oh wonderful!" Esme said excitedly, and then she proceeded to name off everything she had to cook.

Edward and I settled on eggs and toast, and then we thanked her and left for school. I was grateful she wasn't upset about me spending the night, but I doubted she would be so nice if I made a regular habit of it.

On the way to school Edward and I did our normal playful fight over the radio, but then my phone rang once and it commanded all our attention.

"That was weird," Edward said as he picked it up off the bench seat between us, and handed it to me.

"Yeah…weird," I said anxiously. When the phone rang once again, Edward looked at me suspiciously. "What's that about?"

"I don't know," I lied. I went to turn the damn thing off, but it rang again and then I noticed that there were twenty two missed calls…all from Jake's secret number.

"Why don't you try answering it?" Edward suggested.

"Uh…it's illegal to talk on the phone while driving," I said nervously as I fiddled with the power button. Right before I was able to turn it off completely, it rang one more time. _Fucking Jacob!_

"Bella, what's going on? You look…flustered," Edward questioned.

"Nothing is going on…I just hate when it rings while I'm driving. Someone must be prank calling me or something. I'm going to talk to Charlie about getting my number changed."

"Why don't you let me answer it? Trust me, I'll make sure they don't bother you anymore," Edward said protectively.

"They'd probably just hang up on you. It's fine, really. I'll change the number; no big deal."

"If you say so," he said skeptically.

I left my phone off for the rest of the day, but when I got home from Edward's place that evening I could no longer ignore Jake.

"Bella…Long time no see," Charlie said angrily when I walked through the door. Jacob was standing in the kitchen with him and it looked as though they had been having a heated discussion. "Why the hell didn't you come home last night?" Charlie shouted. His face was so red that I worried he'd have an aneurysm. "Do you have any idea how worried I was about you? I almost put out an APB!"

"Sorry….I should have called," I told him evenly as I glared at my ex. "What are you doing here, Jacob?"

"What? I can't visit my girlfriend?" he said brazenly. "Don't worry, I told Charlie that we only pretended to break up."

I huffed. "Well consider us broken up _for real_!"

"Bella, you need to stay away from Masen," Charlie demanded.

"Last time I checked I was eighteen and could do as I pleased," I retorted.

"Damn it, Bella, he's dangerous!" Charlie fumed.

"Dangerous how? Behind the wheel? Well, you don't have to worry because he doesn't drive anymore!"

"He belongs in jail!" Jake interjected.

"And why's that?" I asked condescendingly. "There's no proof he did anything wrong."

"Can you even hear yourself right now?" Jake said angrily. "You've gone fucking mad. He was probably drunk and swerved into my dad's lane, forcing him off the road and into a fucking tree. Your mother's neck snapped on impact!"

I squeezed my eyes shut from the violent imagery; and my father reacted. "Now that's enough!" he shouted at Jake. "Say whatever it is that you came to say, but watch your fucking mouth about Renee."

"I'm sorry," Jacob said gently. "I didn't mean to sound so heartless. Bella, we really need to talk…_in private_."

Charlie took a step closer to him threateningly. "I'm serious. Watch your mouth, son." Jake nodded so my dad walked past us towards the door. "I'm going to work. I'll be back a little after midnight. You better be here when I get home, and I may just stop in a few times to check on you before that."

"I'll be here," I told him quietly.

When Charlie left, I was left feeling extremely defensive. I knew Jake had some kind of plan to get me to do whatever he wanted me to do, but I never thought it would actually work. Edward had become my entire world, and there was no way I'd turn on him – _except, what if I didn't have any other choice_…

"What the hell is that?" I asked horrified as Jake placed what looked like a small crack pipe on my kitchen counter.

"Evidence."

"Evidence of what?" I asked slowly.

"Evidence that Edward is a crack-head; and trust me, there's a lot more where this came from."

I scrunched my face at him. "What the hell are you talking about? That's not Edward's."

"Well, _this_ particular one isn't…. We agreed, Bella, we agreed that our last resort would be planting things in Edward's room if we couldn't find a way to link him to the crash. Well, I just hired a couple of guys to do just that."

I absently shook my head. "A drug test can prove he's innocent of that."

"Innocent of taking drugs maybe, but not of dealing. We've manufactured all the proof they'll need to link him to drug rings all over Washington and Oregon. He'll get ten to twenty years for the amount of crap we've hidden at his place."

"Wait, you've already done it?" I asked as angry tears distorted my vision.

"Yep, while the house was empty this early afternoon. All that's left is for me to call in the anonymous tip into the police department. I'm sure Charlie will gladly get a search warrant."

I began to breathe heavily as comprehension seeped in. Jake wasn't just there as a friendly warning, he wanted something from me, and he was blackmailing me to get it. "What do you want?"

"I just wanted to tell you to stay clear of him while this all goes down," he lied.

"Bullshit!"

"Fine," he took a deep breath and suddenly his features softened. "Look Bella, it's obvious that you have feelings for him, and since I still love you I'm willing to make you a deal."

I clinched my jaw. "What?"

"I know you must have something on him. How could you not after all this time? Give me some proof of his part in the crash, anything we can turn into the police, and I'll send my boys back into his place to collect all of the drug stuff."

The haunting memory of Edward's journal flashed through my mind. I was sure there was a confession of his part of the accident written inside the pages, but how or why would I ever give it to Jake. - "Why? What difference does it make whether he's arrested for drug dealing or the crash. Why would I give you anything if he's going to go to jail either way?"

"It makes a huge difference, Bella. Drug dealing to the magnitude we've set him up for could put him in jail for decades, but vehicular manslaughter could only be a couple years with additional probation and community service."

"Why would you ever want to give him a lesser sentence?" I asked skeptically.

"Because I don't want you to hurt more than necessary. If you guys really want to be together, then after he does his time, you can be…. Bella, I just don't get it. I don't understand how you could have let yourself fall for the prick knowing what he did, _but whatever_….The god's honest truth is that the most important thing to me has always been that our parents get justice. I don't really care how long he's in jail for, as long as he's held accountable for his crime. I don't want to set him up for something he didn't do, but I will if it's the only way he's punished."

"So…If I find you something…anything that can implicate him as the cause of the accident, then you'll get rid of all the drugs. You'll remove every last bit of it from his house, and you'll leave him alone from now on? Even if he doesn't get sentenced to jail at all?"

"It has to be something real, something that shows his guilt beyond a shadow of a doubt…I want it documented so that anyone who ever looks him up will read about this… But I gotta tell you, I don't see how he could get away without doing any time. My dad said he was swerving around, so that means he had to have been drunk, and the fact alone that he ran from the scene is enough to have him locked up for a while."

"I get you real evidence, and you take away the fake?" I reiterated, not wanting to listen to anything else.

"I swear," he agreed. "But I don't want to wait anymore. I need it by tomorrow; it's time to finish this thing once and for all."

I thought about it for a minute, and silently prayed to come up with a way out of it, but when I couldn't think of a single thing the gravity of the situation hit me full force. "Please don't do this to me," I begged quietly, feeling like I was literally choking on my own grief. "Please Jacob, if I mean anything to you at all….if I ever did, please don't make me do this."

"It has to be done…and at one time you knew that. I'm sorry Bella, I do care, but I can't just let this go."

I closed my eyes tightly and tried to fight back my tears. "Fine….I'll get it tomorrow when everyone is at school and work," I whispered, feeling like a serrated knife was being thrust in and out of my chest.

"Call me when you have it. We should take it to the police right away…before he figures out you took it. Bella, I know you don't want to hear this, but I swear, I never wanted you to get hurt like this."

"Get out," I told him brokenly.

"Okay."

The moment he disappeared out my front door, I collapsed onto the ground and cried harder than I ever cried in my life. I couldn't do it, I couldn't betray Edward in that way, not again, not anymore…except, for the life of me, I had no idea what else to do.

After I cried all the tears I had inside of me, I spent the next few hours on the internet trying to research possible sentences for vehicular manslaughter. Depending on the circumstance it could be anywhere from community service, all the way up to life in prison. It was terrifying, but after briefly researching drug dealing, it was clear that was a far worse alternative.

I considered rushing over and telling Edward that Jake was setting him up; maybe we could leave town and disappear for a while, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that would never work. Charlie would hunt us till the end of the world, and running would have much greater consequences than staying. I also thought about getting rid of all the drug evidence myself, but I feared I'd never be able to find all of it and it would only make Jake's next attempt that much more vicious.

But then a thought occurred to me - If I broke into the Cullen house and stole Edward's journal from his room that would mean it was obtained illegally, which could never be used against him. Jacob was so stupid he may not have thought of that. All I had to do was show him the journal and then demand that he remove all of the drugs from his place before I give it to him. Edward would be free from the drug charges as well as from the vehicular manslaughter charges.

I felt so relieved knowing there was a way to possibly get him out of it, but I worried the police would still contact him and he'd find out I was involved. I hated that our relationship began with a lie, but I couldn't confess everything either because I was scared shitless that he'd never forgive me. I couldn't lose Edward; he was everything to me, and I had given up everything for him. Jacob would always be a threat, but I was sure I could convince Edward to dismiss whatever he said as nothing more than bitter lies from an ex. I knew it was wrong, but I was planning to take my secret betrayal to the grave, and I would do anything it took to make sure that still happened….


	17. Blindsided

*****A/N:** Well, it's all been leading to this. Hope you don't hate me after you read it ;)  
FYI – This is an extra-long chapter so you may need to take extra time to read it.

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Chapter 17 – Blindsided

"Hey, what's wrong with you today?" Edward asked me the next morning. It was first break at school and I was just sitting there staring at the wall across from me. He had been talking about something, and I tried to pretend like I was paying attention, but the truth was there was no way I possibly could. As soon as the bell rang, and Edward went to class, I planned to leave school and head to his house. I hoped to be back by lunch and he'd never know I even left, but there was so much that could go wrong and I was absolutely petrified.

"Nothing is wrong," I lied.

"Sure," he said under his breath.

"Sure what?" I asked, surprised by his clipped tone.

"You always say nothing is wrong when clearly there is."

I bit my lower lip. "I'm sorry," I told him, and sincerely wished I could offer him more of an explanation.

The bell rang and I was so tense that it made my entire body jump from the sound. Edward just looked at me suspiciously.

I couldn't take it. I couldn't separate from him without kissing him goodbye, so I ignored his sour expression and attached my lips to his. I kissed him fervently, and he returned it with just as much intensity as if he somehow knew I needed it so desperately.

"I'll see you at lunch," I said with determination.

I kissed him again, and then I hurried away, fearing I'd never be able to go if I waited any longer.

I had no idea how I was going to break into the Cullen house, but when I arrived I was terrified to find out that Jake had someone there waiting for me.

"Who the hell are you?" I asked him with as much attitude as I could muster.

"My name is James. Your boy Jacob hired me to help you get in and out of this place."

"Let me guess, this isn't the first time you broke in here?" I said bitterly.

He smiled sadistically. "Don't worry your pretty little head about anything. I'll get you in and out no problem."

I swallowed roughly. "Fine, let's just get this over with."

James made quick work of the front door lock, and then we hurried inside. No one was due home for hours, but I had no idea where Edward had hidden his journal and I sure as hell didn't want to be caught there in case someone came home unexpectedly. I ran up the stairs at record speed, and the moment I got into his room I began looking anywhere and everywhere it could possibly be. I looked in his closet, under his bed, between the mattresses, and all the while I'd occasionally come across various items that were planted. It was disgusting, and up until I actually saw them, a part of me thought Jake was just lying about it all to get me to do what he wanted.

I could feel my rage for Jacob grow tenfold. I would never forgive him for any of it, and I couldn't wait to finally be done with him once and for all.

"Uh…is this what you're looking for?" James asked unexpectedly. I didn't even realize he had followed me inside the room, but as he stood there holding Edward's journal in his hands I was both relieved and even more scared.

"Yeah…where'd you find it….and why are you wearing gloves?" I asked, noticing the latex gloves he had on for the first time.

"I don't want to leave my finger prints in here just in case the drug shit is discovered before we have a chance to clean it up."

"Oh."

"Don't worry about your prints; my man said you two's been romping between the sheets so I doubt your prints will call any red flags_, if you know what I mean_."

I put my hand out to stop him. "Yeah, I got it. Just…make sure everything is exactly as we found it, and let's go."

"Man, you forget I'm a pro. I don't need to be reminded to make this place look untouched."

"Okay," I said irritated. "We have this, so you need to collect all the drug stuff before we leave."

"No can do. I need to make sure J okays it first. Don't worry, I told ya I'd take care of it, and I will."

I took a deep breath, and then nodded and took off towards the front door. In no way did I trust him, but I didn't really have a choice either.

We got out as quickly as we got in, and I immediately texted Jake to say I had it, so he told me to meet him at the La Push police department. Since the accident happened in La Push, that was where we needed to present the evidence, plus I wanted to keep Charlie out of the whole thing as much as possible. He hated Edward almost as much as Jake did, so he was the very last person I wanted handling any of it.

When I arrived outside the police station, Jake was already there.

"What is it?" he asked, clueless as to what my evidence could be.

"His journal," I told him evenly. "Now call your goons and tell them to get the drugs out of Edward's house."

"I will…as soon as we make sure there's a confession in there."

"I will give you the journal when Edward's house is clean," I reiterated.

Jake stared at me for a moment, and then sighed. "Alright…you've given me no choice." Without another word he walked right into the police station, so in a panic I followed.

"What are you doing?" I hissed at him.

"Well, you won't give me the journal, so I'm going to tell them about Edward's drugs."

My heart jumped. "Fine...here," I said as I reluctantly handed him Edward's journal.

"Jacob, can I help you?" Harry Clearwater, chief of La Push police, asked as he noticed us standing there.

"Yeah, I want to submit some evidence in my dad's hit and run case," Jake told him.

"You have evidence?" Harry asked surprised. "What kind of evidence?"

"This is Edward Masen's journal; he's the bastard who ran them off the road. I'm sure it has his written confession inside."

"Mmhum," Harry said strangely. "And how did you obtain this?"

I wanted to smile, but I held it back. I didn't even care if I got arrested for breaking and entering at that point, as long as Edward wasn't charged with anything I was happy.

"We found it," Jake said unexpectedly. "Just lying on the ground at school."

I was speechless, but just when I found my voice and was about to tell Harry that we actually stole it; he took the journal out of Jacob's hands and began flipping through it. From where I was standing, I could clearly see the dates on the pages' top corners, and when he found the date of the accident I closed my eyes tightly and may have even stopped breathing. I had to remember that the drugs were still in Edward's room, and I had to go along with Jake otherwise he'd make everything so much worse.

There was silence as he read Edward's thoughts, and my heart felt like it was going to beat right out of my chest. But then….

"Is this some kind of joke?" Harry asked suddenly.

My eyes popped open.

"What do you mean?" Jake asked confused.

"Listen son, I don't know what the hell is going on here, but this is extremely serious. I can't just ignore this."

"Ignore what?" Jake asked frustrated.

Harry cleared his throat and began reading. _"It had to be the worst day of my life. You hear about this kind of thing happening all the time, but you never really think it would ever hit so close to home. My father had driven intoxicated many times before, and he always made it to his destination safely, but that day he had even more to drink than normal, so when Renee called asking for a ride I was a little concerned. I tried to get him to let me pick her up instead, but he refused and insisted that he was fine…"_

"Hold on!" Jake interrupted. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"I'm just reading what's written down here," Harry said slowly. "Jacob….why did you bring _your_ journal into me, son?"

"What?" Jake spat. "That's bullshit! It's Edward Masen's journal. I don't even have a fucking journal."

Harry flipped through the pages and read another passage from the previous week. – _"Bella and I met the guys down at the beach today, and I almost kicked Seth's ass for looking down her shirt_…"

"This is ridiculous!" Jake shouted.

As for me, I had no idea what to think, so I settled for not thinking at all; I guess I was in a state of shock.

Harry flipped through the journal again. "This is supposedly from the week after the crash – _'I feel horrible knowing that Bella has lost her mother, but instead of trying to comfort her, all I can focus on is trying to keep dad out of jail. I'm so angry with him, but at the same time, he's my father, and I can't turn my back on him, especially now that he'll be in a wheelchair for the rest of his life. I'm grateful I could convince Sam to help me bury dad's toxicology report, but if anyone else were to find out just how wasted he was, he'd surely get arrested. I need to find someone else to blame for this, it's the only way to get the questioning off of him."_

"Harry, this is all bullshit. Surely you can see that?" Jake fumed.

"I've known you for a long time son, and I have to say, this looks a hell of a lot like your handwriting," Harry said slowly. "It even has that weird little thing you do with all your Bs."

"That prick is setting me up! I don't know how he forged my handwriting, but I swear, that prick is setting me up!" Then Jake slowly turned his head to glare at me. "You did this. You and that motherfucker planned this together. How could you do this to me, Bella!" he screamed at me, and when I didn't respond he turned back to Harry. "I guarantee this will have Masen's prints all over it, and if it doesn't, then it was all her."

Harry looked at me. "Bella, what do you have to say about this?"

I blinked a few times, and then cleared my throat so I could speak. "I don't know anything about the journal. I picked it up so it may have my prints on the cover, but I've never opened it and I had no idea what was written inside before now," I said honestly.

"She's a lying bitch!" Jake exclaimed. "I knew you became a fucking psycho, but I never thought you'd do something like this?"

"Something like what?" I asked emotionlessly.

"Something like _this!_ Setting me up like this."

I shook my head. "I'm not the one who frames people. But if you play with fire, you're going to get burned - Isn't that what you said to me, Jake?"

Without saying anything else, I turned and walked out of the police station. I knew they did things differently on the reservation so I had no idea if I was actually free to go at that time, but Harry didn't try to stop me so I continued to my truck. I was absolutely reeling from the turn of events, and I had no idea what the hell was happening or what to make from any of it. I didn't have a doubt that Jake was just as blindsided by the journal contents as I was, but what did that mean?

I felt numb as I drove away from La Push, and no matter how hard my brain tried to comprehend what was happening, I just couldn't put all the pieces together. But as baffling as it was, I also didn't have time to try to figure it all out; the journal was a bust, that meant Jake would be sending the police to Edward's house to search for the planted drugs.

I went from feeling numb, to being in a blind panic. I had no idea what I was going to do, but I just felt the overwhelming need to get to the Cullen house. Edward was still in school and the rest of the Cullen's were going about their days so I was sure I'd find the place empty, except that definitely wasn't the case…

"What are you still doing here?" I asked James aggressively when I saw him walking out of the house carrying a bag full of stuff.

"Oh hey, that didn't take long," James said with a disturbing smile.

"Did Jacob tell you to plant more stuff?" I asked, not putting it past him.

"Sorry, I haven't spoken to him in a few hours. How'd the thingy at the police station go?"

"If you're not planting things, what are you doing?" I asked strongly, and then I glanced at the bag he had flung over his shoulder. "Are you stealing stuff?"

He laughed once. "Like Eddie would allow me to do that. Hey Bella, don't you think it's weird there's no alarm on this place?"

I looked at him perplexed; as obvious as it seemed, my mind refused to let me believe what was right in front of my face.

"Please just tell me what's going on?" I asked desperately.

He didn't answer me, he just smirked and then pulled out what looked like a walkie-talkie. "Yo, Judas has landed," he said into it.

My breath caught, and before I had a chance to breathe normally again Edward came strutting out of the house. "Hey, if it isn't my best friend," he said theatrically. Edward and James bumped fists and then they both looked at me. "Bella, you met my friend James already, right?"

"I don't understand," I said slowly. "Jacob hired this guy to plant drugs in your house," I admitted as I slipped back into a befuddled daze.

"Yeah, well too bad for him that he's _my_ best friend," Edward replied cockily. "He flew out here from Chicago a couple weeks ago to help me with this, but I really didn't expect it to be as easy as it was to get Jake to welcome him into his inner circle."

"It wasn't that easy," James argued. "I had to waste some of my best dope on those fuckers."

I wasn't sure what expression I had on my face, but whatever it was made both of them laugh at me.

"Oh come on, you didn't really think Jacob was smarter than me, did you?" Edward asked me scornfully. "Please; I've been four steps ahead of him this entire time."

"Well technically not the _entire_ time," James butted in.

"Okay, I admit, I didn't realize Bella was his fucking pawn into a few weeks into it, but really, how stupid are you people?" Edward asked me condescendingly. "I mean, how could I have _not_ figured it out? At first I tried to give you the benefit of the doubt, and I really tried to convince myself that it was just a coincidence that your ex was the same motherfucker that had been harassing me for months, but really, at the end of the day, there was just too much shit to ignore."

"Ignore?" I mumbled absently. "W-what did you ignore?"

"Are you kidding?" Edward asked with a cold laugh of incredulousness. "How about the fact that you never once asked me why your boyfriend hated me so much, or what my unforgivable act was that my parents forgave me anyway. God, I gave you so many fucking chances to show me any kind of reason to believe you weren't some fucking skank playing me for him, but all you did was further confirm my suspicions over and over again."

"W-why didn't you ever say anything?"

He narrowed his eyes at me. "Why would I when it's been so much fun to watch you idiots make a fool of yourselves," he said menacingly. "And look what I get for my patience. Not only was I thoroughly entertained for a few months, but now I have the satisfaction of knowing that you two fucked over yourselves to the point that you will never be the same. All it took was a few little nudges, and you ruined your own lives. It's comical actually."

I shook my head slowly as a tear rolled over my cheek. "I don't believe you."

He snickered coldly. "What don't you believe?"

"I don't believe you've been lying this entire time. The things we did together, the stuff we talked about…It was real."

He smirked, and I silently gasped from the hollow look in his eyes. I had never seen anything like it, and it terrified me. "Do you honestly think you're the only one who can put on a good show?"

More tears fell. "It wasn't all a show. Edward…I'm so sorry that I ever agreed to help Jacob with this, but that was before I knew you."

"You still don't know me," he cut me off. "You honestly think that I'd be myself around you? You're even stupider than I thought."

"I love you," I whispered brokenly.

"Well I hate you!" he shouted, making me jump. "You fucking disgust me. You and your boyfriend can rot in hell for all I care."

"I-I-I thought you killed my mother," I told him, desperately hoping he'd calm down and give me a chance to explain. He was mad, and he was lashing out and saying things that I knew in my heart weren't true. "I just wanted justice for her."

"You had no proof of and no real reason to believe I was responsible for that shit other than that bastard's word."

"Why would he lie about it?" I asked quietly. The details of the crash seemed inconsequential compared to the agonizing reality that I was losing him, _or perhaps never had him_; but since he mentioned it, I figured it was finally time to really know the truth.

"Oh wake the fuck up, Bella! You know what really gets me; you're not as stupid as you act. You choose to not figure things out, because you're too afraid to actually deal with everything that goes with it."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Yes, you do. Think about it for a while, I mean really think about it, and you'll figure it out."

"I don't know what you're talking about!" I repeated myself more strongly.

"Fine, I'll spell it out for you. Early this summer I was new around here, and obviously didn't know the area very well. I found my way to the La Push beaches and befriended a kid named Seth; _I'm sure you know him_. He really liked my car and he said he could trip out the engine for me, so I spent a bunch of time around his place while he worked on it. Well the night of the accident he had called me up and said there was a party, so I agreed to go. My new parents didn't want me to leave that night, but I basically cussed them out and went anyway. On my way there I pulled out my fake ID and bought some beer, and put it in the seat next to me. I was coming around Coyote Bend, and that's when it happened."

"You weren't drunk?" I asked quietly.

"No. I may have been a fucking delinquent but I wasn't stupid enough to drink and drive; my father was a drunk, and I learned my lesson from watching him. But do you know who _was_ drunk? You future father in law…or at least I thought he was by the way he was swerving all over the fucking road. I saw him coming so I tried to pull over and wait for him to pass but I ran out of time; his swerving made his car come right at me."

I covered my hand with my mouth as he spoke, but he continued his explanation in the same anger filled rush.

"You know how they say everything goes in slow motion before an accident? Well guess what, that's true. And do you want to know what I saw in that slow motion? One person in the car…just Billy, but right before the impact, guess who pops up? Yep, Mommy. Your mother had her fucking head in his lap Bella. That's why he was swerving around, because she was fucking blowing him off as he drove."

I shook my head in angry disbelief. "My mom would never do that. She loved my dad."

"I have no idea about her motives; all I know is what I saw. After that prick slammed into me, he over compensated and ended up running into a tree. I never saw anything like it and it fucking scared the shit out of me, so I got out of my car and tried to see if I could help anyone."

"You didn't run from the scene?" I asked as my stomach churned violently.

"No. There was glass everywhere; the car was like a fucking accordion, but I heard moaning so I thought I could get them out. I saw the woman, _who I didn't find out was your mom until recently_, and I grabbed her arm to try to pull her out, but that's when Billy started yelling at me. He said she was dead, and that I killed her. The motherfucker was blaming me for her death, and because I was in shock and scared shitless, I actually believed him for a few minutes. Then the fucker told me to disappear and that if I ever told anyone anything he'd make sure I went to prison for the rest of my life. I had a fake ID on me, beer in my car, and I had smoked a joint earlier that day and had no idea if that could have been detected in a drug scan, so I freaked and drove straight home. Thank god my car still worked."

"You're telling the truth," I whispered.

"I don't have any reason to lie to you at this point. Not that it really matters, but there you go. Your boyfriend's father is a douche and he convinced his son to harass me; _god only knows why_. Since that night, I've had Jacob and his posse sending me threatening letters, throwing bricks through my windows, and leaving dead rats and fish in places they know I'm going to be. And the shitty part is, I really don't think they even know why they're doing any of it. Billy probably told them some bullshit about me being responsible but they couldn't prove it, and it went to their fucking heads. They're all crazy. Carlisle even stepped in and tried to get them to stop."

"Why didn't you go to the police?"

"We did. They didn't do shit. Stupid Podunk police department. So when I realized you had befriended me to help them, I decided to play along and turn it around. You know, I thought about having my master of forgery buddy James over there write a bunch of shit in that journal to get you into trouble as well, but I decided you've been punished enough. Your whole fucking life is in crumbles, isn't it, Bella? You have no one to blame but yourself."

"Hey man, we need to finish cleaning all this shit out of the house before anyone sees us," James interrupted us.

"That's fine. We're done here," Edward said to him, but he kept his hate-filled glare on me. Then he smirked cruelly. "Goodbye Bella, it's been fun…Good luck trying to piece together your pathetic life."

Edward went back into the house, but all I could do is stand there, trembling in the aftermath of the brutal truth. I didn't know how to move, or think, or even feel anything. I was completely blindsided by it all, but Edward was absolutely right - I brought it on myself, and now I was utterly alone…

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*****A/N:** Told you it was _twisted_. LOL


	18. Hitting the Bottom

Chapter 18 – Hitting the Bottom

I had no idea how long I stood there in front of the Cullen house, just lost in the deafening loud silence of my new reality, but eventually Edward must have gotten tired of it.

"Bella, get in the truck," he demanded.

When I didn't move he grabbed my arm and guided me into the passenger side, and even put my seatbelt on for me. We were half way to my house before I snapped out of it long enough to realize what was happening.

"You're driving," I said robotically.

"I do have a license," he replied emotionlessly.

"But…you never drive."

"Yeah well, I'm certainly not going to let you drive right now. You're fucking out of it, and you'd just end up wrapping your truck around a fucking tree."

"You said you hate me."

"I do," he said unapologetically. "But that doesn't mean I want you to kill yourself."

The next thing I knew he was pulling into my driveway, and I honestly couldn't remember the ten minute trip there. "How do you know where I live?" I asked vacantly.

"I think we've already established that I know a hell of a lot more than you thought I did. A little word of advice, if you ever try tricking someone into thinking you're their friend again, invite them over to your fucking house every once in a while. That was one of the first things that got me suspicious. We were always at my place, and you never once asked me to come here."

"I…I couldn't have you here," I whispered.

Suddenly there was a banging on his window making us both jump.

"Shit," he hissed under his breath.

It was Charlie, and he looked absolutely pissed. He gestured for us to get out of the truck, so we both grudgingly complied.

"What the hell are you doing away from school?" Charlie shouted at us. "I just got a call from Harry Clearwater, and he told me you were down at his police station submitting false evidence in your mom's crash. Bella, what the hell is wrong with you?"

"I can explain that, Chief Swan," Edward spoke up unexpectedly. "You see, you raised Bella to take matters into her own hands, and she thought she was getting justice, but what she was really doing was fucking over herself."

"Watch your mouth, son!" Charlie snapped at him. "Do you think I don't know who you are? I know exactly who you are. You're just like all the other punks your age who thinks they can do whatever the hell they want without any consequences. But let me assure you, you will get what's coming to you! One way or another, you will get what's coming to you."

Edward smirked. "I hope so, sir."

My stomach twisted one last time as I watched Edward turn and walk towards a car waiting nearby, and then the pain disappeared just as he did. There was no more pain, no more happiness, no more nothing.

Charlie continued to berate me with questions, but I wasn't listening, and a few minutes into it I just left him there mid-sentence, and went into the house and locked myself inside my room. I didn't care that he was "disappointed" in me or how upset he was, I didn't care about anything anymore.

I expected myself to break down and cry like I had before, but I didn't shed a single tear; I just laid in bed and stared at the wall. I had cried for my mother, and I cried for Edward; I had cried so much that I was just all cried out and I couldn't even force the tears even if I tried. But I was okay with that, it was the only way to survive it anyway.

I stayed in bed the rest of the day and the entire night, and then the next morning I got up, got dressed, and then got into my truck and went to school.

I walked through the campus in a daze, and during the class breaks I'd sit alone and do my best to ignore the intrusive stares and cruel snickering of my peers. I had sacrificed all my friends, my boyfriend, my relationship with my dad, and everything else that made me who I used to be, and I would have gladly done it all again for Edward, but now he'd walk past me in the halls with the same toxic indifference as the rest of them. I would have preferred hate filled glares over the hollow way I'd occasionally catch his eye; I only hoped that I didn't ruin his spirit the way I undoubtedly ruined mine.

It continued on like that for the next few weeks - emotionless days and empty nights, with millions of numb moments in between. There were times when I seriously considered driving my truck off a cliff or downing a bunch of my dad's sleeping pills, but those thoughts were fleeting and didn't usually last long. Mostly I did everything I was supposed to do – school, homework, and I'd even eat occasionally - but I was just going through the motions because I couldn't feel anything. But then one day I realized something that changed everything again…_I was late_.

A jolt of hope buzzed through me as I realized what could be happening. I checked my pill count and was slightly disheartened to see that I had only missed doses after Edward and I stopped sleeping together, but it didn't really matter, because I was still late and the pill wasn't a hundred percent affective anyway.

The idea of a teen pregnancy should have terrified me, and had it happened the month before I certainly would have been, but as my life was currently, I couldn't help but feel more excitement than I had about anything in a long time. If I was carrying Edward's baby then he'd have to forgive me, and we could work our way back to what we had. Even if he never took me back, at least being pregnant and having a baby would mean I wasn't alone anymore…

I was so eager to know for sure that I set up a doctor's appointment for the following week, and for the first time in a while I had something to look forward to. With the hope of being pregnant, I started eating right and taking better care of myself, even my father noticed the change.

"Wow, I'm glad you're back to being yourself," he said to me one evening.

"Everything is going to be better now," I said feeling almost manic.

But my happiness was short lived, because the next morning I woke up to the worst thing I could imagine at that time…my period.

It was almost disorienting to go from the highest of highs to that extreme low, but then my distraught mind devised a plan that would surely keep me in the blissful state permanently, I just had to figure out how to make it happen.

For the next two weeks I could think of nothing else, and then the prefect day finally arrived. I had an entire speech planned out, but the moment I saw Edward across the school quad area, I lost all control. I slammed into him and immediately attached my lips to his. I had never been so desperate for anything in my life, and for a few moments it almost seemed like he felt the same way as he kissed me back just as intensely… I should have known it was too good to be true.

He gently but forcefully pushed me away. "Bella, what are you doing?"

"I need you. I've tried to respect your hate for me, but I can't anymore."

He took a step back and shook his head slowly. "It's not going to happen," he murmured.

"I know you still hate me, but that's okay. You hated me before when we had sex, right?" I tried to kiss him again, but he pulled back so I continued to try to convince him verbally. "Edward please, you have no idea how much I need this right now."

"Bella, stop," he said with quiet sternness. "People are looking."

"I don't give a shit!" I shouted before unsuccessfully trying to kiss him again. His restraint didn't detour me. "Let's go somewhere…To the bathroom, or a classroom, my truck, anywhere."

"Okay, let's go somewhere and talk about this."

"We don't have time to talk! I'm ovulating, I could get pregnant and we could be a family; or, if you don't want to be with me still it'll be okay because I'll just raise it by myself and I won't be alone anymore," I told him in a rush.

I honestly couldn't fathom that he'd possibly have an issue with my request. My mind refused to see how crazy it actually sounded, and not even his disturbed expression could detour me.

"If you just have sex with me this one last time, I'll never bother you again," I practically begged him.

He stared at me for a long moment, and if I didn't know any better I would have sworn his eyes almost looked sad, but then he nodded. "Okay."

"Okay?" I said excitedly.

He nodded again. "Okay."

"We can go to the bathroom," I said while grabbing his hand and pulling him in that direction, but he stopped me.

"No, let's go to my house…Nobody's home; we'll go to my room."

I smiled widely. "Maybe we can do it in the garage instead…We'll make our baby in the place we had our first time…where we first fell in love."

He hesitated for a moment, but then he smiled sweetly. "Okay…we can do that."

"Oh Edward, our baby is going to be so beautiful," I cooed as we headed towards the parking lot.

I thought it was weird that he was texting the entire trip to his house, but I didn't question him because the last thing I wanted to do was seem like a crazy possessive lunatic. We were together, and he was going to be inside me again; I couldn't possibly be happier…

I reached over and grabbed his hand, which seemed to surprise him for some reason, but he wove his fingers between mine and lifted our conjoined hands to kiss my knuckles. "I'm so sorry, Bella," he whispered.

I smiled at him. "I'm sorry too…but it doesn't matter anymore. You're giving me someone that will never leave me…The baby will always love me, _even if you can't_." My voice broke at the end, and for the first time since he left me I almost cried, but I held it in. It was a happy day, and not even knowing that I'd probably have to end up raising the baby alone could dampen it.

When we arrived at the Cullen house I immediately started kissing him, but he kept finding reasons to slow it down.

"I missed lunch," he said strangely. So we went into the kitchen and I sat at the table and watched him make a sandwich, which he then ate incredibly slowly. "You sure you're not hungry?"

I shook my head. "You know, someone may come home soon," I told him, hoping he'd hurry a little.

He cleaned up his mess and then stood there awkwardly in front of me. "Bella….we can't do this," he said, taking me back. "We're still in high school…"

"We'll graduate before the baby is born," I argued.

"We're just kids ourselves…we're in no way ready to be parents… We're not even together…and just a couple months ago you mentioned you didn't want to ever have kids. Look, I've been watching you for these past couple of months, and I get it, you're lonely, and stressed, and depressed, but having a baby is not the answer… You're deteriorating, Bella; you're making yourself sick and it can't continue."

I could actually feel my face fall. "What do you mean?" I asked, honestly unable to comprehend what he was saying. "Y-you brought me here. You said we could have a baby."

"Would you even listen to yourself right now? You want to have a baby with someone who doesn't want to be with you. You're eighteen; you have your whole life a head of you..."

"I have no life!" I exploded at him. "I'm alone all day every day. Everyone hates me. I have absolutely no one. _No one!_"

"Bella, you need help. You're having like…a nervous breakdown or something, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I made you feel like this."

"No… No, you don't get to be sorry. You said we could have a baby, you can't just change your mind…you can't. I need you. I have no one else."

Right then, seemingly out of nowhere, the front door opened and in walked Doctor and Mrs. Cullen…and Charlie.

"What are you doing here?" I asked my father.

"Bella, I've contacted Cypress Hill…They're waiting for you."

"Cypress Hill?" I asked confused.

"It's a psychiatric hospital," Doctor Cullen explained. "They're very good, and I can assure you you'll get the help you need."

"I don't need help!" I shouted at him. "Edward and I are going to have a baby and we're going to be a family and he's never going to leave me."

The doctor glanced at Edward, so I followed his line of sight and saw Edward shaking his head no.

"Alright, well, we'll be sure to get you a pregnancy test while you're there," Dr. Cullen told me gently.

"I'm not going anywhere!" I shouted at them.

"Yes, you are Bella," Charlie stepped back in. "This is my fault. I didn't get you the help you needed when your mother died….You should have seen a grief counselor or a therapist to help you cope…You still haven't taken the time to deal with the loss. And everything you've done afterwards…You need help, sweetheart."

I shook my head in denial. "You don't know what you're talking about. I'm fine. Edward and I are going to be together and everything will be fine," I said, refusing to listen to anything they were saying. "Tell them Edward. Tell them that we're going to be together. _Tell them!"_

He shook his head ever so slightly, and that was it, I completely lost it. I had no logic or reason, and I couldn't think one sane thought. All that was running through my mind was that everyone in that room was trying to keep me from my family…a family that didn't exist but could if they'd all just leave me the hell alone.

I had no idea what I was screaming or why I was flailing about, but I couldn't stop, and when I felt Charlie try to restrain me, I only fought harder. In my mind it was life or death, and I would not let them take me from Edward.

But then suddenly it was Edward's arms that surrounded me, and when he spoke I had no choice but to listen. "Shh, Bella, you need to take a deep breath and calm down. Everything is going to be okay."

"Everything is not going to be okay," I cried.

"Yes, it is," he cooed. "However bad things seem now, it will get better for you. I promise. You're going to get the help you need, and then you'll go off to college and leave this pathetic town and all these shitty people behind."

"No," I whimpered hopelessly. "I just want to stay with you."

"I'm sorry, but right now you can't."

"But I love you," I breathed.

Edward sighed, and then gently brushed my hair from my face. "I love you too…but you're not well, and…if we even have a shot of being together some day, you have to fix yourself first. So…I need you to let your dad take you to this hospital, okay… If you want, Carlisle can give you a shot to relax you a little…and you'll just go to sleep, and when you wake up, you're going to start feeling better."

My first tear in a long time spilled over my cheek, and suddenly I had a moment of clarity. _What the hell was wrong with me?_ I was absolutely horrified with myself. "Edward, I'm so sorry…I don't know what I'm doing anymore."

"I know…but we're going to figure it all out."

I nodded slowly, and then I reached up and caressed his face. I wanted to cement the image of his perfect features into my mind forever, because I knew his kindness was only out of pity and that I'd never see him again after I left.

When he reached up and wiped the tears from my face, I moved my lips to his hand and kissed his palm. "I really am sorry," I murmured. "For everything."

He leaned in and kissed my forehead. "Me too," he whispered. "For everything."

"Come on, sweetheart," Charlie said while taking my elbow and gently pulling me away.

My chest throbbed more agonizingly violent than ever before, but somehow I found the strength to say goodbye and actually leave Edward behind. I didn't know what could make me better or how I'd ever really move on, but I knew I had to try. I didn't have any other choice.

My mother once told me that when someone is spiraling out of control, they have to hit rock bottom before they can climb their way back up. She died before she got the chance to redeem herself, and I was terrified that I'd end up sharing her fate. I was at my bottom; I was crazed and humiliated, but I had to believe that somehow, someway, I'd find a way out of the darkness.


	19. Atonement

Chapter 19 – Atonement

"So then Jane was like – _'It's in my hair'_ – and she went running around screaming," I said while laughing so hard that it was difficult to speak.

Charlie chuckled with me. "It's good to see you smile again," he said warmly.

I bit my lower lip. "I'm glad I came here," I admitted. "I don't even want to think about what would have happened if I stayed in Forks…Sucks that I'm going to miss prom and graduation though," I said somberly.

"They'll be more dances, and when you graduate college it'll all be worth it," Dad assured me.

"I know." I took a deep breath. "I got another acceptance letter today," I said with forced excitement. "ASU."

"That's where your mom went…I didn't know you applied there."

I shrugged. "I applied just about everywhere. I wasn't sure if any school would take someone who's finishing high school by correspondence in a psych-ward."

"You're a brilliant young woman who just lost your way for a short time, these schools would only be lucky to have you."

"Thanks dad," I said with a sigh. "So how are things on the home-front? You're not working yourself into an early grave are you?"

"Me? Of course not. I take one whole day off a week."

I scowled at him disapprovingly. "And what about your cholesterol?"

He nodded. "It's up…slightly, but I'm working on eating those spinach salads you keep telling me about."

I smiled. "Okay, so what's up?"

"What's up with what?" he played stupid.

"Oh come on dad, why are you here today?"

"Can't I visit my daughter without having an ulterior motive?"

"Yes, but you've already visited me once this week, so that means you had to have taken a sick day to come here today. So I'll ask again, what's up?"

He sighed. "Alright…I didn't come alone, but I wanted to make sure you were feeling good today before I asked you if you wanted to see him."

"_Him?_" My heat jumped.

"Yeah, Jake has something he really wants to talk to you about."

A wave of disappointment washed over me the moment he said 'Jake', but I had been working hard on accepting the fact that Edward didn't really care about me, and I refused to let it get me down right then. "Fine…Send him in."

"Bella, I already talked to your doctor about him coming, but if you're uncomfortable, or he says anything that upsets you, or…"

"Dad, I'm not made of glass… Okay, yes, I went crazy for a bit, and I'm not completely myself yet, but if I can't handle seeing Jacob for a few minutes how the hell will I ever be able to handle college?"

"But he was a major contributor to your issues," Charlie argued.

"And if he causes me to have a setback at least I know where to find a good doctor," I joked. "It's better if it happens here than after I'm discharged."

Charlie nodded. "I already warned him to watch his mouth otherwise I wouldn't hesitate to throw his ass in a jail cell overnight."

"Dad…I'll be fine," I said as confidently as possible.

I was slightly curious why my prick of an ex wanted to see me, but mostly I was eager and nervous to see how my emotions and sanity stood up to him. I wanted to be able to trust myself again, and before I could do that I had to be tested, so I was actually grateful he was there.

"Hey Bells," Jacob said as he sat across from me at the table. It made me cringe with resentment the way he said my name so casually, but I took a deep breath and forced myself to stay calm.

"Jacob," I greeted him stiffly. "And what do I owe the pleasure of your company to?" I asked with a little more attitude than I intended. With the help of my therapist I already accepted that I could only blame myself for my actions, but at the same time I learned that anger was a perfectly acceptable emotion, and I was certainly angry by his part in everything.

"Uh…I just wanted to come see how you were doing… So how are you doing?"

"I'm peachy," I said resentfully. "What's up, Jacob? Why did you come three hours to see me when you could have just emailed or written me a letter?"

"I..." he cleared his throat. "I wanted to start off by apologizing to you. However our relationship ended, we still had so many great years and I feel horrible for the way I treated you."

I pressed my lips and raised my brows as I waited for him to continue and hopefully cut to the chase.

"My dad's in jail," he said unexpectedly. "I'll be staying with Quill until I graduate."

I bit my cheek this time. "Why's he in jail?"

"Vehicular Manslaughter and Obstruction of Justice….He finally admitted what really caused the accident…It got pretty rough there for a while."

I laughed once humorlessly. "You're telling me?"

"I know… And I really am sorry. I was just so…stupid and blinded by hate. I trusted my dad and it just…I think we all just went a little crazy."

I nodded; he was definitely right about that. "So what happened? What made him finally confess?"

Jake took a deep breath. "After the fake journal thing….I was just so mad, and I tried to come up with some other way to get Masen back…_and you_. I didn't realize you were going through such a hard time, but, to be honest, I'm not sure if I would have cared then either. I was so…fucked up."

"What did you do?" I asked, feeling slightly anxious.

"It doesn't really matter anymore."

"Jacob, what did you do?"

"I pulled a lot of crap that didn't work, but the worst was when I tried to steal Dr. Cullen's car and frame Masen, hoping he'd get arrested or sent to another foster home. It was fucking weird, but it was like everything I did, he was always two steps ahead of me. I was too much of a pathetic moron to realize he had a spy in my inner circle," he said with a chuckle.

"Oh…_funny_," I said sarcastically.

"No, it's not funny…it's sick really. I should actually be checked in this place right with you…Or maybe a psychiatric prison, if I'm being honest."

"So…for all those weeks after the journal thing, you and Edward were still…"

"Yeah, I'm actually surprised he managed to keep it from you. Must have taken up all of his time; I mean, some of the shots I aimed at you were just as brutal…"

"At me?"

He looked down at his twiddling thumbs. "Yeah…I thought you were helping him with everything; I started hating you just as much as him."

"And Edward stopped you from whatever you were going to do to me too?" I asked absently as it all sunk in. Edward had protected me, even when he claimed to hate me. I wasn't stupid enough to think we could ever have a chance at being together again, but at least it gave me hope that he cared a little. "Jake…why are you telling me this?"

"I did a lot of shit that I have to atone for…It's no excuse, but I was just as lost in the entire thing as you were…At least you spent most of your time falling in love…I just fell into darkness. I absolutely hate everything I did…and I sincerely pray that one day you'll be able to forgive me."

My eyes burned and my nose tingled, but I refused to cry. "Today's _not_ that day," I said honestly.

He smiled somberly. "No, I didn't expect it to be. I just hope that you'll have some peace of mind now that your mom is getting justice for her death. My dad has a ten year sentence…"

I inhaled deeply. "My mother has just as much blame in the accident as your dad does."

"Yeah well, she's not here anymore to take responsibility for herself," he mumbled.

"So…how did the truth come out?"

"I think when Dr. Cullen had me arrested for trespassing during my final failed attempt to frame Masen my dad realized just what a fucked up situation it was, and finally decided to 'save' me, or whatever, by coming clean."

"As if my mother's death wasn't fucked up enough," I said bitterly.

"Bella…I really am sorry. I thought…I thought Masen destroyed our family. I didn't care about anything other than revenge. _I even sacrificed you_," he said with unexpected tears as his voice broke at the end. "I was so…gone. I just wish we could turn back the clock and make different choices…I mean, we could have banded together and just…weathered the storm, but it just got so out of hand."

"Did you…did you ever apologize to Edward?" I asked timidly. I wasn't sure why the question made me so uncomfortable, but it did and I didn't know how to shake the feeling. I suppose it would just end up being the topic of my next therapy session.

"I tried….God, that was fucking hard… To actually have to admit you're wrong to your worst enemy…Man, that sucked, but yeah, after spending two weeks locked up for breaking and entering and harassment, I did apologize…for what it was worth."

"And what did he say?"

He shook his head. "He definitely was the wrong guy to cross. He's not a very forgiving individual, and he basically told me to rot in hell…I don't really blame him."

Suddenly Edward's voice sounded in my mind; him telling me he loved me had haunted my dreams, but as hard as it was, I knew deep down that he didn't mean it. He never called or wrote, and it was clear he never had any intentions to. Jacob was right, he wasn't a forgiving person, but regardless of knowing that fact about him, there was still a small part of me that hoped he changed...

"Did he….did he say anything about me?" I asked hesitantly.

Jake stared at me full of regret, and maybe even a little hurt, and then he shook his head. "Not really. Just that you deserved better than a boyfriend who manipulated you. I can't say I disagree…. But…."

"But what?"

"Bella, the Cullen's moved at the beginning of this month. I think someone said Dr. Cullen got a job heading up some hospital in Alaska or something."

"But Edward didn't graduate yet?" I said confused and feeling a mild case of panic.

"Nah, I think he did. I overheard Principal Skinner talking about how he had all of his credits completed so he took an exam or something to graduate early. He moved with them…which I guess is a big deal since he was just a foster kid and about to turn eighteen in a few months and all."

"So…he's really gone?" I asked quietly. Having Edward move so far away made the probability that I'd never speak to him again that much more real. It was excruciating, and had I been at home and alone during that time I probably would have retreated back into my dark hole of nothingness… But I recently realized that just because the pain seemed unbearable, that did not mean I was going to die, and it did not have the ability to ruin my life.

In the end, I was glad Jake came. I still didn't forgive him and certainly didn't intend on having any sort of relationship with him in the future, but it was almost a sense of closure. Jacob was a major part of my life for the majority of my life, and it was good to say goodbye.

I had no idea what kind of life I'd have after being discharged, but I knew there was no going back to what I had before. I needed to start over new; reinvent myself and find a way to be happy in my own skin before I could ever hope to find real honest love with someone else. As terrifying as it sounded, it was a challenge I was excited to take on.

* * *

*****A/N:** I realize that sounded a little like an ending, but I assure you, we still have some things left to cover. I promised an E/B HEA, and I fully plan to deliver ;)


	20. Starting Over

Chapter 20 – Starting Over

Time moved slowly, and yet, before I knew it more than a year had passed. I decided to put off college before now to focus on getting better and trying to find a peaceful balance in my life, but as I began to unpack my suitcase in my Seattle Pacific University dorm room, I worried I had come too soon.

"Just try to relax, and take everything slowly," Charlie said encouragingly as he was saying goodbye.

"Yeah, but what if I go crazy again?" I asked in a mild panic.

"You're not going to, and if you get overwhelmed just call me."

I nodded and then hugged my dad so he could head home.

I actually was feeling strong and ready to start the next chapter of my life, but occasional bouts of doubt would taint my confidence; I was only grateful my stubbornness was more consistent.

"Oh, hi, you must be Bella?" a girl said shyly as she came into the room. "I'm Angela Webber, your roommate."

"Hey, nice to meet you," I said as I awkwardly offered her my hand. I had a sudden déjà vu of the embarrassing way I introduced myself to Edward for the first time, but I shook away that memory; it was time to concentrate on the future, not dwell in the regrets of my past.

Strangely enough, Angela just smiled and shook my hand like there was nothing odd about the formal gesture, and I immediately relaxed. I knew better than to be reckless with my relationships again, but I honestly felt like she and I were going to be really good friends.

…

For the next two months I did my best to get acclimated to my new temporary home. So far my classes had been interesting and I liked all my professors, but socially, apart from Angela and a few of her friends, I still felt timid and insecure. It was true that meeting new people was a challenge for me even before my breakdown, but my recent psychological issues left me in a constant state of anxiety. _What if I relapsed? What if someone found out I was in a mental hospital? Could I even pass as "normal" anymore? _It was all very nerve-racking.

But I refused to give up, and one day I came across a pamphlet for the "Teens in Turbulence" workshop, so I decided to attend. It was put on by our school's psychology department, and I went there expecting to get extra help with my own issues, but what I found was that SPU students, such as myself, were actually there to help younger teens and their families deal with mental and emotional hardships. I was uncomfortable at first, but the more I started talking to the high school aged kids, the more I realized that I actually had a lot of insight to offer them. By sharing my struggles, they were able to know that they weren't alone, and work on ways to get themselves through the rougher times. It was an incredible experience, and I knew I'd continue to work with the organization through my entire time at the school.

Helping the kids also seemed to give me that confidence boost that I so desperately needed, and before I knew it, I was going out socially, and meeting all kinds of new people. I felt strong and more secure than I could remember ever feeling before. In fact, I felt so good that I actually agreed to go on my first ever real date…

His name was Garrett; he worked with me at the T in T organization, and had asked me out three times before I finally agreed. He was funny and sweet and treated me like a woman, and even after knowing about my past struggles, he wasn't scared off from wanting to get to know me better. But I wasn't at a place in my life where I wanted to be in a committed relationship again, so I was honest with him and thankfully he understood. We continued to date occasionally, but agreed to keep it casual and date other people as well; though, he made it clear that he hoped for a more serious future for us – a thought that made me incredibly uneasy.

Every time I pictured my future, it was always a forced image of me successful in my career, and married to a guy who was good and honest. I wanted that more than anything, but for whatever reason, my daydreams of tomorrow were always invaded by memories of laughing in a garage studio and muddy hands. I hated that I still hadn't let Edward go completely, and I began to wonder if I ever truly would.

With everything I had been through, accepting a stable content existence when I had known such intense fire would be the battle of my life. I doubted I would ever feel that kind of passion again, and I struggled every day to be okay with that. In fact, the more I found myself thinking about Edward, the more I tried to drown those unwanted thoughts by spending extra time with Garrett. I felt horrible for using him in that way, but I was always honest about it, and he seemed to understand. He was probably the sweetest guy I had ever known, and I was lucky to have him in my life.

…

"You sure you want to go to this thing?" Garret asked me one evening. "We could just go to the movies or hang out with Angela and her friends for the evening instead?"

"Actually, Angela is planning to be there tonight," I told him.

"She is?" he asked surprised.

"Yeah, well she's the one who invited me. She's sort of dating the school mascot," I said amused.

"Oh…well that's…something," Garrett laughed.

We were heading to the annual beach bonfire, which really wasn't either of our scenes, but I figured I'd go to be supportive of Angela's latest romantic endeavor. I didn't know at the time, but it was a huge mistake that would end up threatening my entire mental recovery…

"Bella, what's wrong?" Angela asked me quietly as I began to completely zone out.

"What…nothing," I said absently as I tried like hell to break my stare from a certain man several yards away.

"Hey Ben, why don't you and Garrett go find us some drinks," I vaguely heard Angela say from somewhere outside my stupefied state.

"Is everything okay?" Garrett asked me concerned.

I forced out a smile - _at least I think I did_. "Yeah. Of course."

The guys must have left because I didn't hear them anymore, but Angela's concern only grew. "So-uh, do you know that guy, or something?"

"What guy?" I asked, still unable to break my gaze.

"The one you're drooling over," she asked unexpectedly.

I shook my head. "No…I don't know him," I said slowly, unsure if I was being honest or not. The light from the fire was dancing on the man's face making shadows in odd places, and everything below his nose was hidden under a scruffy beard. His hair was shorter than I had ever seen it before, but when he turned his head to the side exposing his profile - _his perfect nose and forehead line_ - it was hard to deny. Even still, I wasn't absolutely positive it was him until the moment he actually looked at me.

There was a loud buzzing sound suddenly running through my head as his deep eyes burrowed into mine, and it was painfully obvious that whatever connection I had felt towards him was just as intense as it ever was. I wasn't sure how or why, but Edward Masen was breathing the same air as me again, and I didn't have a doubt that his presence had the power to change everything; I only prayed I had the strength to survive it this time…


	21. Teetering

Chapter 21 – Teetering

"So…if you don't know that guy, do you want to?" Angela asked me unexpectedly.

"Huh?"

"Let's go over there and talk to him. I mean, he's a little hairy for my taste, but who knows, he might be seriously hot under all that scruffiness."

I took a deep breath and somehow found the strength to crawl out of that hole I was falling in. "No, I don't want to go talk to him, I should probably find Garrett."

"I thought you said you and Garrett weren't like a couple or anything."

"We're not."

"Then why don't you go talk to Mountain Man Hottie over there?"

I bit my lower lip. "I think that's Edward," I admitted.

"Edward? Wait, you mean…"

I nodded. "The guy I lost my mind over… I mean, it wasn't his fault, I take responsibility for my actions, but…yeah."

"Wow…Uh…Wow. But…you said you _'think'_, does that mean you're not sure? It's probably not him Bella, I mean, what are the chances you ended up at the same school?"

"There's at least three other people from my small high school that go here," I said robotically.

"Oh…well, I think we should leave then….or go talk to him…or leave. I think we should at least verify if it's him. I mean, you could be freaking out over nothing, right? You don't want to have to worry about running into a guy who's not even here."

I shook my head. "I'm not ready to talk to him…I don't know if I'll ever be."

"Well…he does keep looking over here," Angela said carefully. "He either recognizes you, or caught you staring at him and he's freaked out and or flattered and wants to meet you."

I huffed. "I have to get out of here."

But that was the moment Garrett and Ben came back with drinks…except they stopped to greet Edward first.

_Uh…_

Garrett man hugged Edward, as did Ben, and then they continued their way back to Angela and me. Edward stayed with his group of friends, but he kept glancing at me as if he was just as nervous about my presence as I was about his.

"Hey, hope you ladies didn't miss us too much," Ben said as they approached us.

"Hey… Who was that guy you were talking to over there?" Angela asked him.

"Who, Eddie?" Ben asked. "I don't know him very well, but he seems cool. I mean, he'd have to be if he can date the captain of the cheer squad, right."

Angela glanced at me sympathetically, and Garrett noticed. "Bella, what's going on?"

"You…You know him?"

"Ed? Yeah, my friend Liam was roommates with him last year. Why?"

My breathing became labored as I fought to maintain control of myself. "I told you everything that happened with him…Why didn't you tell me he was your friend?"

Trusting anyone after my ordeal was difficult, but the fact that Garrett had sat by my side and listened to me cry over my stupid issues and said nothing, only made me that much more untrusting of him. What kind of ulterior motive did he have? Did Edward ask him to date me for some kind of revenge thing? My mind was racing in a million different directions, and I could honestly feel myself begin to teeter on the edge of sanity.

"What are you talking about?" Garrett asked, sounding sincerely confused.

"That's the guy that just about ruined her life," Angela stepped in and said.

"Huh? Eddie?" Gar replied staggered. "No, you said the guy's name was Edward…Okay, Eddie-Ed could be short for Edward, but the last name is completely different."

"It's not Masen?" I asked hesitantly.

"No, it's…_Fuck what is it?_ Um….Collins! That's it, his name is Ed Collins."

My heart sank into my stomach. "You mean _Cullen_?" I asked no louder than a whisper.

"Oh, yeah it could be," he conceded. "Wait…That is him? Why'd you say his name was Masen if it's Collin…or Cullen –whatever?"

"Cullen was the name of the family he was living with. He must have changed it…" I explained feeling sick. I risked another glance at him, and when he returned the look I had to fight back the sudden rise of bile in my throat. "I have to get out of here," I told them before running towards the closest bus stop; I only wished Garrett would have just let me go…

"Bella, hold on! Why are you running from this?"

"Are you kidding?" I cried frustrated. "Were you only pretending to listen when I told you what happened to me when I was with him?"

"Of course I was really listening, but I was also listening to the part where you said that your ex-boyfriend visited you in the hospital and it helped you. I really think you need the same closure with this guy."

Without my permission, I felt my head slowly shaking no. "I'm not ready. I need to…I don't know, work myself up to it, or something. I just…I never thought I'd see him again, and I'm a coward."

"You're not a coward," he said strongly.

"Yes, I am! Look at me, I'm shaking. How pathetic is that?"

"It's not pathetic. You just really need to search within yourself and try to figure out why seeing him again is so much harder than it was to see Jack."

"Jake," I corrected him. "And I don't know why it's harder…Except…when Jacob came in…it didn't still hurt. I mean, I was angry and closed off to him, but it didn't feel like _this_. I feel…I feel like I'm drowning. I don't know, maybe I've been doing nothing but treading water this whole time, but now…now I'm sinking again. He's pulling me under," I said hopelessly with a tear spilling over my cheek.

Garrett shook his head. "He can only do that if you let him."

I bit my lower lip as I considered what he was saying. "You're right," I admitted. "I don't really believe he came here to hurt me..."

"Uh, I don't want to upset you more or anything, but he was actually here before you were."

I nodded, and then took another deep breath. "This is just some…insane coincidence, and I'm not going to let it ruin my time here. I need to do it….I need to talk to him and make peace, and then maybe I'll finally be able to let him go once and for all."

"Maybe you'll even become real friends," Garrett suggested.

"Don't push it," I said with a humorless laugh. "I think what scares me the most is…I have no idea how I'm really going to feel around him. Knowing he's this close…it makes my entire body tense, and I don't know what that means."

"It means that you thought you were in love with him, and he broke your heart, and now you're tensing up to protect yourself from that type of pain again. But listen, I know him…I mean, I don't know him well, but well enough. He seems like a decent guy. Maybe he grew up in the past year and a half just like you did." Garrett reached out and rubbed my arms supportively. "Just give yourself a little time to get used to the idea of seeing him again, and then go find him and talk to him. I'm sure it will make you feel so much better. In fact, I think it's the key for you to finally recover fully."

I hesitated, but even though I wasn't completely confident about it, I agreed. "I think so too, but I'm absolutely terrified."

"Being afraid is a normal emotion…It can be crippling, or it can be empowering. Make it powerful, Bella."

I pressed my lips and fought back my tears as I nodded. "You know, you're a really good guy, Garrett."

He smiled somberly. "Yeah, well, unfortunately most of the time it's not the good guys that end up winning."

I looked at him perplexed and wasn't sure what he meant by that, but I didn't ask him to elaborate either. I supposed I didn't really want to know because it was just one more thing I was scared of. But Garrett was right about everything; I needed to find some courage, even if that courage was derived from fear. I would give myself a little time to visit my therapist and try to get ahold of my emotions, but then I needed to search Edward out. I deserved some closure; we both did…

* * *

*****A/N:** I know, you all wanted the first meeting in this chapter, so I'm so sorry to disappoint you, but it will be coming up next! :o


	22. forgiveness

Chapter 22 – Forgiveness

In addition to meeting with my local psychologist, I also decided to put in some extra hours at the Teens in Turbulence program. The organization's director, Professor Marc Aarons, was also the head of the Department of Psychology at the university, but even more importantly, he seemed to really take the time and listen to anyone who needed some extra life guidance…

"_Look, Ms. Swan, I'm not just here to help the high school kids; it's incredibly important to me that my students get the mental and emotional help that they need as well. So I want you to know that any time you need someone to talk to, day or night, I'm here,"_ he had told me one day while placing his hand tenderly on my shoulder.

In a way, he reminded me of my dad; he created a warm aura around him that just made me feel really comfortable. It wasn't just a job to him, he truly cared and I was beyond grateful to have him as another source of sanity in my insane life.

Since Edward had appeared in my universe again, I needed all the mental help I could get, so I set up an appointment with Professor Aarons' assistant to meet him after lunch that Saturday afternoon. I was surprised she scheduled me for a weekend, but I supposed with his busy schedule I should just be thankful he could see me at all.

But since it was a weekend, his assistant had the day off so she instructed me to just go on in and wait for him inside his office, however when I opened that door, I found him already there… and he wasn't alone.

"Shit!" he hissed when he saw me.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry," I said in a rush as I immediately tried to retreat. Professor Aarons was standing between the legs of a blonde cheerleader, and they looked about three seconds away from getting a whole lot more unclothed.

I was absolutely flabbergasted. It may have been a naive assumption, but I never thought he was the type of man to mess around with a student. It was none of my business, and I honestly didn't care since he was unmarried and the girl was most likely a consenting adult, but it definitely rubbed me the wrong way.

I just wanted to get out of there, but shockingly the girl begged me to wait, and even more shockingly, she called me by my first name.

"Bella, please, just let me explain this!" she called to me desperately.

"Uh?" I said baffled. I was fairly certain that I had seen her around the Teens in Turbulence organization before, but I didn't know her name and had never talked to her so I was surprised she knew me. "This is none of my business," I said awkwardly, trying to look anywhere other than at the professor as he straightened out his pants.

"That's right, it's not, so get out!" the professor shouted at me.

"No wait," the girl said in a panic. "Bella, you can't tell Eddie about this," she added, completely flooring me.

"Hold on, Ms. Swan knows your boyfriend?" the professor asked upset. "Oh, this is just…"

"No, it's going to be fine, right Bella?" she cut him off.

"I...Uh, I can honestly say that I don't know what's going on here," I told them.

"Look, I know we've never actually met, but I do know you," the cheerleader said in a rush. "Eddie has talked about you several times…and your picture is on his cell phone, so…" Her thought seemed to trail off. "Listen, please, this is just…nothing. I really need you to just...keep this between us."

Suddenly the professors' entire demeanor changed. "Oh, calm down Tanya, there is nothing to be worried about here because nothing was going on," he said with an odd, almost dark, forced casualness, before he turned to me. "We were just…talking, just as I'm sure _you_ must have come here for."

I actually took a step back from the unexpected intensity of his glare. "Y-Your assistant said to just c-c-come in here," I stuttered nervously.

"That's ridiculous, I never hold meetings on Saturdays," he said strongly. "Ms. Swan, are you having a mental breakdown again?" he asked, taking me aback. "Because it would make sense that you would confuse what my assistant said, and then come here and mistake what you saw happening."

"Um…" My nerves abruptly disappeared, and I became defensive. "I didn't say that I saw anything. And your assistant _did_ tell me to come," I said confidently. I had no idea what the hell he was trying to pull with his ridiculous intimidation ploy, but I wasn't going to fall for it.

"That just doesn't make sense," he said in an offensive belittling tone. "She would never do that, and no one even knew I was going to have this…_counseling_ meeting here today with Ms. Eleazar. I think perhaps you should speak to your therapist about changing your medication. It's obvious that you're confused, sweetheart, and I'm starting to become a little concerned."

He was right about one thing, I was confused, but I wasn't weak enough to let him manipulate me either. I just didn't understand why he was trying to screw with me in the first place, but when I glanced over at the cheerleader, her expression only confused me that much more. She didn't look worried that she had been caught in a compromising position, she looked almost…sympathetic, or even apologetic in a way. _What the hell was going on?_

"None of this is my business, so I'm going to leave," I told them, wondering why the heck I was still there anyway. Professor Aarons obviously wasn't the upstanding man I thought he was, and whatever kind of mind game he was trying to play proved it. It was sad that I had trusted him and he turned out to be a jerk, but I wasn't going to let it affect me. Unlike with the other people who screwed with my mind in the past, I had no emotional connection to him and it would be easy to cut him out of my life.

"Oh, Ms. Swan!" he called after me. I probably should have just kept walking, but I paused. "You _will _keep this between us otherwise you may have trouble navigating through the psychology department - You were thinking about becoming a child psychologist, weren't you?" he threatened me.

I didn't answer him, I just continued out the door.

I wasn't hurt emotionally, but I was pissed. I had no idea why his assistant told me to go in there at that time, but it was clear to me that it was no accident. That woman wanted me to see that, and I had no idea why.

"Bella wait!" the cheerleader called as she tried to catch up with me, but I didn't stop; I even hurried into a crowd of people to get away from her. I needed a minute to digest everything I just learned…_well, maybe I needed several minutes. _

From what I understood, the cheerleader -_Tanya, I thought I heard her called_ – was not only messing around with Professor Aarons, but she was also Edward's girlfriend. I was back to feeling sick, though I wasn't exactly sure what bothered me more, the fact that Edward's girlfriend was physically perfect, or the fact that she was betraying him. As screwed up as it sounded, I think they were equally as traumatic. I hated the idea of Edward getting hurt, but selfishly it hurt me knowing his actual taste in women was the exact opposite of me which only further proved that he never really cared for me in that way. I already knew that, of course, but having it thrown in my face yet again was still painful.

But even worse than the pain, now I had a difficult decision to make – Should I mind my own business and just walk away from the situation like none of it happened, or do I take a risk and go tell Edward what happened? I had no loyalties to the girl, and I hated what she was doing, but was it my place to rat her out? Was I even ready to face Edward, only to break bad news to him? Would he get defensive and hate me even more for telling him such a thing?

I wrestled with the decision for a couple hours, and no matter how much I wanted to call some back up for a second opinion, I knew it was something I had to decide on my own. I only hoped I was strong enough to think clearly and do the right thing.

In the end, I let my heart decide...

I was terrified. I wasn't ready to see him yet, but then again, I wasn't sure if I'd ever be. I was certain it was one of those types of fears that I had to push through otherwise it would control me, and I was done taking a back seat to my emotions.

Garrett had already asked around and found out where Edward lived, so I texted him for the address and then went straight there before I had a chance to freak myself out of it. He lived on campus, so it wasn't hard to find, but as I stood outside the door I had a mini panic attack…

_What the hell was I doing?_

The only solace I found was the fact that it was almost time for the day's big game, and since he was dating the cheerleader he was more than likely not home. I took a breath of relief, and then lightly knocked on the door.

"Well, I tried," I said to myself. But when I turned to leave, the door suddenly opened, making me jump.

My back was to the door, so I squeezed my eyes shut and prayed it was just his roommate.

"Bella?" I heard him say, and my heart took off beating so fast that it was sure to break free from my chest and never come back.

I turned slowly, and the vision of him standing there in the door way completely took my breath away.

_Stay in control Bella!_

"Hi," I said as strongly as possible, though it only came out as a whisper.

"Hey…Are you okay?" he asked with a level of concern I wasn't expecting.

"Um, yeah… I'm sorry, I probably shouldn't have come. I just…I wanted to tell you something, but maybe it wasn't the best idea," I said anxiously.

"No, I'm glad you're here." He oddly looked down the hall behind me, as if he was worried someone was watching us or something, and then he opened his door wider. "Will you come in?"

"Uh…sure," I said nervously. I took a deep breath and then entered his room, and was surprised that there was only one bed inside. "You don't have a roommate?"

"Huh? Oh, uh, no, I was lucky this year," he said awkwardly. "Bella, listen, I need to apologize to you for what happened earlier today. I really have no idea why they involved you in that, but it won't happen again."

I furrowed my brows. "Um…I'm not sure what you mean," I said honestly.

"Tanya and Irina. I told those fucking morons to leave you alone, but well, they're morons, and I'm truly sorry."

"Wait, you know that Tanya was…"

"Messing around with Professor Aarons? Yeah. Look, I know how this looks, and given our history it's just…inexcusable, and I would have never gone along with any of it but they basically didn't give me any other choice. I mean, I guess I was the most qualified, but I still should have tried harder to figure out a way to take care of it myself."

"Hold on, take care of what?"

"She didn't tell you anything at all, did she?" he said slightly frustrated.

I shook my head no.

"God, Bella, I'm so sorry," he said, sounding legitimately upset by whatever he was sorry for.

"Yeah, you keep apologizing but you haven't said why," I told him. I was actually surprised by how well I was handling being in such a small room with him, but then again, his confusing words were probably distracting me from my own issues.

"I'm sorry," he said again, so I gave him an irritated expression. He nodded, acknowledging my irritation, and then finally began to explain. "Last year Tanya's sister Kate was involved with Professor Aarons. He basically messed with her to the point that she…ended up dropping out of school," he said carefully. "And she wasn't the only one. We know of at least four other girls that he did this to, so Tanya and her girlfriend Irina decided to do something about it."

"Wait, '_Tanya and her girlfriend Irina'_?" I asked confused.

"Yeah, they're lesbians," he said straight faced.

"Irina, the professor's assistant," I said slowly, trying to process that bit of information. "But, you and Tanya…"

"No, it's just for show. You see, Professor Aarons usually goes after girls with boyfriends…or girls struggling with emotional issues," he said slowly. "The boyfriend thing is to have something to hold over the girls' head, a way to control them and threaten them to keep quiet about the affair, or whatever."

"She…she was worried that I was going to tell you?" I said absently.

"It must have just been for show. I really have no idea why they decided to drag you in at this point, but when she called me and told me what happened I chewed her ass out. I'm really sorry."

I was quiet for a minute as I thought about everything, but I had questions that I wanted answered. "But…why do any of this? She's an adult, so how will them having an "affair" bring him down; it's not illegal?"

"Not illegal, but against the rules of the university. Plus, Marc Aarons is the kind of bastard that enjoys messing with the girl's minds. He likes controlling them, and eventually breaking him. He's a psychotic fuck, and once he's exposed the Dean will surely kill his career."

"So…what does this have to do with me?"

He sighed. "Tanya got me involved because…she said that the professor was going to go after you next."

"Me?" I asked horrified. "Why?"

"Because you must have told him what you've been through, and he must be attracted to you so he figured he could make you do what he wanted. Look, Tanya could be lying about him wanting you just so I'd help her, but either way, that bastard needs to be taken down before he can hurt anyone else."

"So…what have you been doing?"

"I haven't really done much. Tanya has been doing everything; I just have to go places with her so people believe we're together. She doesn't have a history of mental or emotional issues, so she needed a boyfriend to convince him to take her bait."

I bit my bottom lip. "I don't understand why he hasn't been fired already if Tanya can prove what he's been doing."

"She can't. As of now they haven't done anything more than kissing, and it would just be her word against his. He'd probably just say that she was making it up to get back at him for giving her a bad grade or something."

"Why didn't her sister come forward? And why would he mess around with her if he had already messed with her sister?"

"They're only half-sisters; different last names. Kate had mental problems, nobody believed she was telling the truth and none of the other girls would report him because of the threats he told them. Bella, I'm really sorry about all of this. It's like senior year all over again, and I never wanted you to be involved in any of it."

"Why didn't you come talk to me sooner?" I asked before I had a chance to chicken out of the question. "You must have known I was here before I knew you were if you were helping Tanya for my sake. Why didn't you say anything?"

He stared at me somberly for a minute, and then looked down at his feet. "Bella…I know that I hurt you…I know it was my fault you…got sick. I must have written to you a thousand times while you were in the hospital, but…I never sent any of them. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you even more than I already had. I thought…I thought it would be best to just…leave you alone."

I swallowed roughly. "I thought you went to Alaska?"

He shrugged. "I did…for a short time…and I go back for holidays and such, but…"

"But what?" I pressed.

"It was just too far away," he mumbled.

My heart jumped. "You didn't know I was going to be here," I whispered.

"No…You could have ended up anywhere, but…I hoped."

"You hoped I'd be here, but when I was you hid from me?" I questioned him.

"I'm not going to even pretend to understand it, Bella."

"You said you hated me," I murmured.

He nodded. "At the time, I did."

My chest heaved. "And, when you said that you loved me it was just because I was freaking out, right?"

He stared at me for a moment again, and then shook his head. "No, I meant that more than anything."

"How can you love someone and hate them at the same time?" I asked desperately.

"How can you, of all people, not understand that?" he said taking me aback. "You hated me. You thought I killed your mother, but that didn't stop you from caring, right? I hated you for what you did, but…it didn't really matter."

He was right, I did understand that. "If I didn't…If I didn't have that breakdown, would you have ever forgiven me?" I asked hesitantly.

He thought about it for a minute, and then he looked down again before finally meeting my eyes. "Who's to say if love or hate is stronger, but I do know that both are equally as passionate. I would have never been able to…leave you alone if you weren't sick. If I didn't know that my actions were hurting you like that, if you would have given it back to me just as viciously, there's no telling how far it would have gone. I know that sounds fucked up, but it's the most honest answer I could give you right now."

I nodded. "Do you still hate me, Edward?"

His eyes welled up. "No…of course not, but that doesn't mean that you should forgive me for it either. The truth is, I'm not like you Bella, I didn't get lost in everything…I knew exactly what I was doing, it's just who I am. I mean, look at me; I'm doing the same shit again. Hate and revenge - it's all I know how to do. Since I was a kid, since I first went into my first foster home, all I did was hide away and spend my life finding reasons to hate people. I don't trust anyone, my mother leaving the way she did cemented that trait in me, and maybe that's why I've spent my life being so angry. The one person I ever loved abandoned me, and then it was all shit until I moved to Forks and I met you, and in the beginning…I didn't hate you, which only made me hate you even more when I figured out the truth. You were just like her – I cared about you, and you…you screwed me over."

A tear spilled over his cheek, which in turn made me start crying. I hated that we had hurt each other so intensely, but the saddest part of the whole thing was that he honestly didn't think he was just as lost as I was; it was clear to me that he had been lost for a very, very long time.

"Maybe…maybe it's time to just…stop," I said while wiping the moisture from my face. "Just stop running. Maybe if we face it head on, we'll find what we need to finally make it all better."

"And how do we do that?" he asked hopelessly. "It's a fucking cycle, it will never get better."

"I believe that it will. I've gotten better…and you can too. You just need someone to keep you grounded. To fight back when you push them away."

He smiled sadly and then shook his head. "The Cullens have done that for me, but it didn't make a difference. I'm still here…I'm still just as fucking pathetic."

"But maybe you are better without even realizing it. You said you don't forgive, but look, here we are. You have someone you have hated standing in front of you, and we're talking and you're being honest with everything…That's definitely something."

He took a deep breath. "Yeah well, maybe I do love you more than I ever hated you."

I shrugged. "Maybe."

He shook his head. "It's not _maybe_, I did love you more, and I always will. I just wish it were enough."

"It's not?" I questioned him, unsure what he meant by that.

"How could it be?" he whispered. "We can't forget any of it happened. I can't take it back. I will always be that guy that fucked with your mind and sent you to a mental hospital."

"And I'll always be that girl that befriended you just to fuck you over," I added.

"See? It doesn't really matter how we felt or feel, there's no recovering from that."

"No," I agreed. "But maybe we can start over," I said, surprising both of us.

He smiled subtly. "Maybe we can run into each other sometime…Meet again."

I bit my bottom lip. "I have decided to start dating again…Of course, I refuse to date anyone, even casually, who has a girlfriend," I said playfully.

He nodded understandingly. "I guess I need to take care of that before I can start something new."

"I think that would be best."

He sighed. "Do you think I'd ever really have a shot with you?" he asked, sounding almost bittersweet in a way. "I mean, that Garrett is actually a really cool guy."

I giggled. "Yeah, he is…But who knows what the future holds, right?"

His face fell serious as he reached out and gently caressed my cheek. "Who knows, indeed."


	23. Familiar

Chapter 23 – Familiar

I honestly didn't know if Edward would be in my future, because the truth was despite still loving him, I wasn't sure if I ever really knew him or not. _How much of what we had was real, and how much was the lie?_ After we talked in his dorm room, I laid awake in my bed and tried to imagine my life ten years from then, but I drew a blank. There was no predicting it; I was writing a new story and I couldn't wait to see how it turned out.

Garrett was more than a little curious about my meeting with Edward, so I told him, and I realized for the first time that I actually told Garrett absolutely everything. It was the most honest relationship that I had ever had, and since I finally made my peace with Edward, perhaps I was also finally ready to try something a little more serious with Garrett as well.

"I thought you told Edward you were willing to start over with him?" Garrett questioned me when I asked if he wanted to take the next step in our relationship.

I shrugged. "I told him _'maybe'_… But who knows when or if there's even anything left between us. I certainly don't want to spend my life waiting for a 'maybe'… I'm not saying I want to marry you, or anything, but…"

"But we don't have to rush into anything either," he told me gently.

"We've been dating for a while now, I really don't see how moving forward would be rushing. But if you're fine with the way things are, or you don't want more…"

"I _do_ want more," he cut me off. "I just…I want to make sure it's what you really want and you're not trying to prove some point to him or to yourself that you're strong enough to move past him. I don't want to be used."

I nodded understandingly. "And I don't want to use you anymore. I just…You're my best friend, and I think we owe it to ourselves to see what's really there before it's too late."

He smiled. "I agree. So…what does it mean? We date exclusively for a while…Maybe move past first base?"

"First base?" I said with a giggle. "What are we, twelve? Besides, we've gone past first base."

"Uh…no," he said with certainty. "Bella, we haven't even really kissed."

"Yes, we have…haven't we?" I asked unsure.

"Nope. Just friendly little G rated pecks. If we're going to be more serious I'm going to want some tongue," he said playfully.

"Hmmm, well I think we should try that," I said with a nervous grin.

"We should definitely try that," he said before gently taking my chin between his this thumb and bent pointer finger, and then slowly pulling my face to his.

It was strange how comfortable kissing Garrett was. I suppose I thought it was going to be a little strange, but even when his tongue entered my mouth I stayed completely relaxed. It was almost a familiar feeling in an odd way, like as if we had been kissing for years instead of it being our first time. But suddenly he pulled away…

"What's wrong?" I asked after seeing the weird look on his face.

"Uh…Nothing…that was…nice," he said awkwardly.

"Yeah…great," I agreed in the same awkward tone. "So…why'd you stop?"

His face distorted in a strange way as he considered what he wanted to say to me. "Bella…You've kissed other guys before, right? I mean, you had a boyfriend for a really long time so I'm sure you kissed."

"Yeah, of course… Why?" I asked confused.

"Is that…Was that how it felt when you kissed him?" he asked unexpectedly.

"Um…When I kissed Jacob? Uh…Yeah, I guess. Garrett, I don't understand what you're trying to say. Was it bad? I mean, do you think I'm a gad kisser or something?" I asked anxiously.

"No, no, no, that's not what I mean. Physically it was fine, but….You don't have any siblings, do you?"

Still not understanding, I shook my head no.

He took a deep breath. "Well, it's just that…That kind of felt like kissing my sister…Do you know what I mean? It's just…I think maybe the chemistry between us is a little off."

"Well, how do we fix it?"

"I'm not sure we can. Is that really how all your other kisses felt in the past?" he asked carefully sympathetic.

I raised my shoulders as I thought about it. "Yeah, I guess...except…" Muddy hands flashed through my mind, and a sharp twang of desire ran through me. I pushed it away.

"Edward was different, right?" Garrett answered for me. He knew me far too well.

I nodded. "But…I was unwell. I thought…I thought it felt different because I was crazy and obsessed with him, so I...I figured it would have been like all my other kisses if I was normal and healthy."

"Maybe it would have been, but maybe not. There's nothing wrong with feeling that spark of passion, Bella, but it's how you handle the rest of your time together that counts. Maybe you just need to keep dating around until you find someone that really makes your heart race, but you can also trust and have a good time with."

I sighed. "But even when it starts like that, that doesn't mean it stays. I mean, my parents loved each other, my mom used to tell me stories about how crazy they were for each other in the beginning…It doesn't last, so maybe something calm and consistent is better. At least then there's no disappointment and no one gets hurt when the feelings change."

"Maybe…But maybe keeping that desire alive just takes work, and if both aren't willing to put in the effort then it will never survive. I honestly believe people _can_ find passionate love and maintain that for their entire life; my parents still seem really happy after twenty five years together. Bella, I'm sorry, I don't want to hurt you, but that's what I want. I want to be in love with my best friend, and you're my best friend so I thought that meant we were right for each other, but…I just don't think that's the case now."

Even though I didn't want to admit it, I knew he was right. I had convinced myself that I'd never experience the same feelings that I had with Edward again, so I planned to settle for finding just a good guy. I assumed passion was just a fabrication from delusional minds, but what if I was wrong? What if that feeling was real and normal? _What if I could have it again?_ I still wasn't sure if reuniting with Edward would bring those emotions back to life, but if not with him, I needed to search it out and not accept a mediocre love.

I looked at Garrett and smiled. "We're not going to let this change us, right?"

He laughed. "I think this will definitely not change us, which only further proves we're all wrong for each other romantically."

I nodded and then reached my arms around him. He hugged me back and kissed the top of my head. "You're the best little sister type of friend I've ever had," he whispered playfully.

"Aww, and if I had a brother I'd want him to be just like you…Of course, if we were siblings we'd probably hate each other."

"True, my real sister is a bitch," he said which a chuckle.

Just like my talk with Edward, having that conversation with Garrett gave me a sense of relief that I didn't even know I needed. The truth was, I never really wanted to kiss Garrett, and to be honest, I never enjoyed kissing Jacob either. It was just something I thought I had to do as a girlfriend, and sex back then was even worse. Even just thinking about it made me slightly nauseous.

"Don't ever settle, Bella. You deserve to be blissfully happy, not just content," Garrett said as he pulled out of our embrace.

"Thanks… You too," I told him sincerely. Garrett deserved all the happiness in the world, and some chick was going to be seriously lucky to have him someday.

For the next couple of weeks I did my best to refocus on my education. I stayed in my psychology courses, and even continued to volunteer at the Teens in Turbulence program despite Professor Aarons' incessant glares and sour attitude whenever he spoke to me. I refused to let a jerk like him get in the way of what I wanted; I was only grateful Edward and his 'girlfriend' left me out of whatever they were trying to pull in order to take him down. I certainly didn't need that type of deception in my life again.

Occasionally I'd pass Edward on campus and we'd wave or share a brief smile, but we didn't communicate any more than that. I didn't know that Edward, and he wasn't in a position where he was ready to meet anyone new, which I understood and was actually grateful to have that time to find myself a bit more before ever hoping to reconnect with him.

I continued to date various guys casually, and even would often do the whole '_first date kiss'_ thing - some were more sparky than others, but I had yet to find that electric connection I was looking for, and that was okay, I was in no rush to have a real romantic relationship. My main priority was school, and I was confident everything else would come when the time was right.

Garrett and I continued our friendship as it always was. He was my shoulder to cry on, and I was his. I was lucky to have him in my life, and I was finally secure enough to believe he was lucky to have me as well.

I went to parties, hung with friends, met new people every day, and was basically having the college experience that everyone hoped for. It was pleasantly scandal free for the most part, but then one day the dean of students came into my Psychology 101 class and announced that Professor Aarons would no longer be heading up the department, or even working at the university anymore. He didn't say why, but I was pretty sure I already knew.

And a few weeks later I went to a party with Angela, and before I even stepped foot inside, I somehow knew something was going to be different about that night. Maybe it was intuition, or maybe I could actually feel the magnetic attraction from that far away, but when a familiar beautiful bronze haired man approached me, I couldn't ignore the radioactive butterflies in my chest….


	24. The Starting Line

Chapter 24 – The Starting Line

"You know, you really shouldn't wear make-up; it's messing with perfection," the bronze haired man said unexpectedly.

I smiled and rolled my eyes. "Wow, that was a super cheesy pick-up line."

"That wasn't a pick-up line," he joked, trying to sound serious. "It's the god's honest truth. If I wanted to give you a pick-up line I'd say something like – '_Did you just clean your pants with Windex? I can practically see myself in them'_."

"Oh, I see. Does that kind of line actually work for you?" I asked amused.

He shrugged. "Eh, it's hit and miss. Did it work for you?"

I stared at him for a minute, and not even my radioactive butterflies were enough to keep me from busting out laughing. I couldn't remember the last time I laughed so hard, and regardless of the fact he tried to keep a straight face, he laughed with me.

"I really don't know what's so funny," he said humorously defensive. "That was a well thought out line…I spent the last twenty minutes coming up with it."

I kept laughing. "No, it was cute, just…not what I was expecting. I mean, after not really speaking to each other for a while, and then you bust out _that_…" I had to stop speaking to catch my breath.

"I don't know what you're talking about. We've never met before," he said, fighting to be serious again, but losing the battle.

"Oh, right," I said, finding the will to calm down, though nothing could wipe the smile off my face at that moment…or quiet the butterflies in my heart.

"I'm Ed _Cullen_, it's nice to finally meet you," he said while holding out his hand.

I looked down at his long outstretched fingers, and a chilling zing zipped right to my core making me shudder. "I'm not going to shake your hand," I said lightly. "It's sort of a weird pet-peeve of mine."

"Are you one of those germ-a-phobs?" he teased.

"No, I just think it's too formal and odd. I guess it makes me feel like a grown up, or something."

He stared at me with a contemplative smirk, and then he gently grabbed my hand regardless of my objection, and shook it. "Well, since we are grown-ups now, and we're meeting for the first time, we should shake hands."

If it had been anyone else I probably would have playfully pulled my hand from his and shot him my best attempt at a sour expression, but because the casual way he was touching me was giving me a very un-casual feeling, I couldn't think clearly enough to be playful.

He had to have felt it too, because he didn't let go of my hand like one would normally do after a handshake. He just held on to me, and I held on to him just as securely.

It was obvious that we still had an incredibly intense connection, and as I looked deeply into his eyes it was easy to see how I became so lost from losing him before. I wanted nothing more than to just fall into his arms and beg him to keep me forever, but I couldn't lose myself again, not even for him.

Thankfully, he seemed to know exactly what I needed, because he finally pulled his hand gently from mine. "So…I was hoping you'd go out with me sometime," he said, keeping up with the stranger charade. "Do you think I could have your number?"

"Wow! That was direct, what happened to the pick-up lines? You can't just straight up ask me for my number, you have to make it cheesy."

He smiled and thought about it for a second. "You know, I'm actually pretty upset because I forgot my number…So can I have yours?"

I raised my brows at him. "That's the best you got?" I teased. "Wow!"

He chuckled. "Hey give me a break; I've never picked up a chick at a party before."

"Oh really? That's the most ridiculous thing you've said this whole time."

"I haven't. I've been a bit preoccupied since coming to this school…"

"With scamming people?"

He ignored me without hesitation. "With learning and staying on track, and before that the girls just flocked to me."

"Oh, I see, _you're_ the catch, huh?"

"Exactly," he said with a pompous grin. "But not this time; I think my have finally met my match."

I blushed. "Lucky you."

"Lucky me indeed," he said without missing a beat. "So how about it? Are you going to give me your number so we can go out sometime?"

I bit my bottom lip. "We're out now."

"Yeah, well I was thinking something a little more intimate… Intimate, as in, not so noisy," he corrected himself.

"I guess it is hard to talk in here," I agreed. "Why don't we go take a walk, or something?"

He smiled slyly. "Didn't your dad every teach you not to go home with strangers?"

"Who said anything about going home? Besides, _Ed_, we're not strangers anymore. We even shook hands, remember."

"I guess it's okay then," he smirked. "Let's get out of here."

I let Angela know I was leaving, and then Ed and I took off together. I made a point to keep enough distance between us otherwise I knew it would be hard to stay focused, but that didn't stop my heart from racing the entire time.

"So…Ed, what's that short for? Edmund, Edgar, Eduardo?" I asked as we walked along the trail that lead towards the campus fountain.

He smiled bashfully and looked down. "Edward actually."

"Huh, really?" I asked amused. "And have you always gone by 'Ed', or is that a recent nickname?"

"It's fairly recent. One of my buddies started calling me that last year and it sort of stuck," he said, sounding sincere for the first time of the night. "I actually hate it. It sounds like I should be a talking horse or something."

I laughed. "Yeah, I guess I didn't think about that. You could always go back to Edward, you know."

"I tried, nobody took my request seriously."

"Oh…But at least Ed is better than Eddie, right? I mean Eddie is the name of a monster kid – you know, Eddie Munster."

"Well, I have always had a thing for vampires," he joked. "But sadly, I get called Eddie as well. My horrible parents condemned me to a life of shitty nicknames."

"Oh, it's not that bad…Edward is a classic, and quite appealing actually."

He was quiet for a minute, and then he looked at me like he was trying to see straight through my soul -_maybe that was just how it felt_. "And what about you, Bella, you didn't want to go by Isabella here…Start over fresh? Become someone new?"

I moistened my lips with my tongue as I thought about his question. "I never wanted to be someone else, I just wanted to be the best version of myself, and I think I'm accomplishing that," I told him honestly. "I mean, I'm still a work in progress, but I hope I'll continue growing emotionally for the rest of my life."

"That's an incredible outlook to have. I wish I was as confident as you."

"I'm not confident, just determined."

"I love you," he said abruptly.

"What?" I asked, unsure if I heard him right.

"Huh?" he played dumb, and then he hurried to change the subject. "Gosh it's fucking cold out here…Here," he said while taking off his coat and draping it over my shoulders."

My chest tightened, and I seriously wanted to pressure him into admitting what he just said, but I decided to let it go. It wasn't time for words like that, and we both knew it.

"Wow, this is very chivalrous of you," I said before unconsciously burying myself into it and inhaling his scent deep into my lungs.

_God, he smelled so incredible. _

A thousand memories flashed through my mind - all the tiny moments I had spent worshiping his perfect face and that intoxicating aroma. I didn't realize just how much I missed him until that moment, and I had to suddenly fight back the urge to cry.

"Oh, look at you, now you're going to freeze to death!" I said after forcing my brain to be anywhere other than the past. "Here, take your jacket back," I told him, and yet, I didn't even attempt to remove myself from it.

"No, it's fine. My death would be worth your comfort," he said playfully.

For me personally, if I died right then I sincerely hoped they would bury me in his jacket. I couldn't imagine anything better than spending eternity wrapped in his scent…well, unless he died with me and they buried us together - _Seriously Bella, get a hold of yourself! – _Was it possible to be humiliated by a thought? Because it seemed that I was…

"Are you okay? You just turned bright red?" Edward asked concerned. Without hesitation he placed his icy hands on my cheeks, which only made my face burn hotter. "You don't feel feverish," he said relieved.

"I'm fine," I assured him. "But we should go find somewhere to get warmed up. Isn't your room not far from here?" I asked without thinking.

He clicked his tongue. "I don't know what kind of hussy you think I am, but I don't do that on first dates," he said jokingly.

I laughed once. "Uh, this is _not _our first date, I expect flowers and a restaurant of some sort for that, and I have no intention of sleeping with you tonight Mr. Mase-_Cullen_; I do have moral standards."

He chuckled. "Well what the hell do you want to do in my room then?"

"Oh, I don't know, take advantage of the heater. Unless, of course, you wanted to go back to the party?"

"No!" he said a little too quickly. "Parties are definitely not my thing…But, we can go somewhere else if you want. I'm just not sure about going to my room."

"Why not? Are you too wildly attracted to me that you wouldn't be able to control yourself?" I asked playfully seductive.

"Actually, yes," he said straight faced. "And the fact that I haven't been alone with a straight girl for a very long time. You have no idea how hard it is for a guy to be celibate."

"What are you a monk now?" I asked lightly, assuming he was joking as well.

"No, just uninterested in anyone I've encountered. After you've had the best, everything else just seems pointless," he said, surprisingly serious.

I swallowed roughly. "Yeah, I guess I know what you mean," I admitted.

We shared an intense moment, and then he tried to break the tension again. "So," he cleared his throat, "How are things with…I mean, are you dating anyone right now?"

"Not really," I mumbled. "Garrett and I decided there was nothing there, so we agreed to keep it platonic," I told him since I knew that was what he was really asking.

"Platonic friends, huh?" he asked skeptically. "That sort of thing never really works. At least not friends that are as close as you are with him."

"I was under the impression that you and Tanya were close," I shot back at him.

"Uh, she's gay."

"Yeah, but you're not. Are you attracted to her?"

He shook his head. "She's not my type. Besides, we were never very close."

"What about Alice?"

"She's my sister," he argued.

"Not by blood. Let's just say that if my dad ended up marrying Garrett's mom, I'd pretty much feel the same way about him as I do now."

Edward didn't look comforted by my claim. "But they're not married, so…"

"So I would have no reason to not date him other than the fact that neither of us want to," I tried assuring him. "Look, we tried it, and there was nothing there. Now I have one of the best friends I could possibly have, and I wouldn't give him up for the world." – It was actually a lie; as messed up as it sounded, the truth was I probably would give him up if Edward really wanted me to.

He put his head down again, and rolled his feet up onto his heels. "I'm glad you have someone like that… I wish I could have done that for you before… It started out that way for us, didn't it?" he asked sadly, and then finally looked up at me.

My stomach dropped. "No…I don't think I ever felt platonically about you. Even before I met you, I was so…insecure and nervous. You were the most beautiful person I had ever seen…You still are."

He rolled his eyes. "You were nervous because you thought I did something horrible, not because you had some crush."

"I think it was both," I told him softly. "Love and hate, remember?"

He was quiet, but then he started laughing. "You were so ridiculous with your eye batting and hair twirling. I'm surprised you even made it through introducing yourself."

I smiled despite myself, and then shoved him gently. "Oh, you should talk, Mr. _I'm Too Cool For Even The Cool People_."

He laughed again. "I was too cool for them. You have no idea how many times I had seen the exact same types of people. Hell, I was like them for a few different schools, but I had already learned what most don't until after graduation."

"And what's that?"

"That none of that high school shit matters. Popularity is temporary, and the biggest studs end up fat and bald, and the sexiest chicks end up pregnant…and also fat…and bald…and they all end up with STDs."

I laughed. "You're probably right."

Without discussing it further, somehow we had begun walking towards his dorm, and he actually seemed surprised when we got there. "I'm sure you'd probably never believe me, but I did not lead you here on purpose."

"There's no reason _not_ to come here," I told him confidently. "We're two adults; I think we can control ourselves if we want to. Besides, I didn't really get a chance to get a look at you room last time I was in there, and I want to see what kind of stuff you brought from home," I said eagerly while walking into the building and heading straight for his door.

I was determined to make it through the evening without crossing the line with Edward, but seeing what he had inside his room only made it that much more difficult…


	25. Here and Now

Chapter 25 – Here and Now

"Oh my god, is that what I think it is?" I asked with a laugh. It was funny that I didn't notice it the first time I was in his room, but it definitely caught my attention this time around.

"Uh…yeah," Edward replied awkwardly. "I usually cover it up any time I know someone is going to be over."

"So you really weren't expecting me to come here tonight, were you?" I said amused. I didn't actually expect an answer, and I didn't wait for one either. I walked over to the beautiful piece of art in the corner of his room, and leaned in to get a closer look. "Aww, Renesmee is just as gorgeous as ever," I said with earnest adoration. Edward truly was an amazing artist.

"Yeah, well I tried to get her to stay home when I came here, but she refused," he joked.

I reached out, careful not to touch the actual statue, and then tugged on the SPU shirt it was wearing. "Wow, she's all about school spirit, huh?"

Edward chuckled. "When I was sharing a room last year I had no privacy, and anytime someone new came in they'd molest the poor thing. But I couldn't get the shirt over the arms, so Tanya cut it and sewed it on for me."

I peeked in the back of it and saw the horrible stitching job on the shirt. "I bet you could have done a better job by yourself."

"Probably," he agreed. "Remember what I told you about learning to sew in Home Ec class?"

I thought about it and then giggled. "Moving the needle in and out," I said suggestively.

He chuckled. "Yeah, I suppose a lesbian may have a hard time with that concept."

I laughed out of my nose, but then I became serious. To be honest, it rubbed me the wrong way that someone else had contributed anything to Renesmee, even if it was just a cover, so I reached around and grabbed a loose thread on the shirt, and pulled it. The seam came apart easily, so I gently removed the shirt and threw it to the other side of the room.

"Now you've exposed her again," Edward said in a playfully disapproving tone.

"Well, lucky for her, you have a private room here so no one else will see her."

I turned back to the statue and wanted nothing more than to touch her, but for whatever reason, I just couldn't. The muddy hands of her conception had haunted my dreams since the day it happened, and I wasn't sure how to feel about it anymore. In the beginning it was guilt, and then it was forlorn longing, but now….

Suddenly I felt Edward's warmth as he stood behind me and reached around my body to do what I couldn't – he ran his long fingers down her torso. I looked at his hand and briefly pictured it covered in clay once again, but I blinked away the memory and the present sight of his clean hand was all that remained. _My chest tightened_.

Our relationship wasn't dirty hands anymore; we started over, a clean slate, and in doing so we had something that wasn't possible before – the hope of a future.

"Edward?" I breathed.

"Yeah?" he asked as he let his hand drop from the statue.

I turned to look at him and my breath caught when I realized just how close he actually was.

"Sorry," he said before taking a step back.

I took a step closer to him, and closed the distance he had just given me. "Tell me it's going to be different this time?" I whispered. "Tell me you haven't lied to me at all today?"

He stared at me for a minute, and then he gently brought his hand up to my face to brush away the hair that had fallen there. He took a deep breath. "I can't," he said unexpectedly. "I _have_ lied today…" My entire body tightened as I braced myself for whatever he was going to admit, but then he smirked. "When I said we never met before..." he leaned closer to whisper in my ear. "It wasn't true. We met in high school."

Every muscle inside me relaxed with relief, so I playfully shoved him. "Ha. Ha. Very fu -" But before I could finish my sentence he grabbed my arm, and pulled me into him, and smashed his lips against mine. My hands automatically found their way to the back of his head, and knotted themselves into his newly grown out tresses.

And there it was -That heart speeding electric zing that I had been searching for. That feeling that I had only ever had with him was still there, and I knew without a doubt that it always would be. The kiss was intense and passionate, but as much as I didn't want to stop I needed to be sure of one thing... "You're done with the scheming, right?" I asked him, but then kissed him again as I waited for his answer.

He pulled back but kept me in his arms. "Bella, I'm not going to lie to you… I helped Tanya because I thought it was necessary to protect you…and I'd do it again. You have to understand, I've been alone most of my life, and I've only ever had worry about myself, but now…now that I actually have people that I care about, I'm going to do whatever it takes to keep them safe. I'm not saying that I'm going to go looking for a fight, but I'm not going to run from one either."

I took two steps back, moving out of his arms, and then just stared blankly as I tried to come to terms with what he just said. He wouldn't promise to stop, so that meant I couldn't continue to be with him…

"I have to go," I said somberly, and before he could argue I was out the door.

I was running, and I was doing it on autopilot. Deep down I knew I should have stayed there and talked it out with him, but I needed to escape before the entire room closed in on me. So I decided to go back to my room for the evening, but I never made it. Instead I stopped by the school fountain and just sat there for a while, alone with my thoughts, as I tried to clear my head…

If Edward wasn't willing to give up scheming completely, then I couldn't be with him…Except, what if I was overreacting? I already knew that my psychotic break wasn't just the result of a scam gone bad, it was a combination of a dozen different things - not dealing with my mom's death, and obsessing about things, and having people I trusted use me, and falling in love with someone I thought had killed my mother, and then ultimately losing that person whom I loved more than anything.

The truth was, before my mother died I had my entire life planned out. Jake and I were going to go to college together and end up getting married. We'd settle in Forks to be close to our giant extended family, and life would be simple. I never, in all my years growing up, imagined something different or that there could be better. After my mother died everything changed, and I was completely reckless with my emotions. I could blame my breakdown on the scam, but I think more than anything it was the loss of love. My mother, Jake, Edward - nobody loved me anymore, and as unfair as it sounded, had Edward stuck by me I don't think I would have fallen so far.

My breakdown was necessary. I needed to hit the bottom before I could strengthen myself again; I needed to know that I could be alone and rely on myself…but now I was ready to trust again.

I went back to Edward's dorm and I was about to knock on the door, but something made me just walk right in, and was shocked by how I found him. He was sitting on his bed, with his head in his hands looking absolutely broken. He didn't seem to hear me enter, but finally he looked up at me and his features shifted to relief, and then desperation.

"Bella?" He stood and moved to embrace me, but then paused. "I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have said that to you. I...I don't know what the hell I was thinking. That was stupid, and insensitive, and I honestly don't know what the fuck is wrong with me. Bella, I swear to you, I won't do anything like that again. If shit comes at us, I'll…hell, I don't know what I'd do, but no more scheming…"

I raced to him and gently put my hands on his face to quiet him. "I'm sorry for leaving like that," I murmured. "I just…I got scared."

"I know, I'm so sorry."

"Shhh," I said while caressing his lips with my thumbs. "I honestly don't care what happens in the future…as long as we do it together. Just…just promise that we'll always be honest with each other about everything from here on out. Just tell me that _I_ can trust you, then I will…and I'll promise you that you can trust me in return."

"I promise that I will never give you a reason to doubt me again," he said intensely. "And it's okay if you don't believe me, because I'll spend the rest of my life trying to convince you."

"I do believe you," I said with certainty. "Is it ironic that I trust you more than anyone, even though you've lied to me more than everyone else combined?"

He brought his hands up to cradle my face, and then he rested his forehead against mine. "I guess it is ironic, but it doesn't matter as long as it's true."

"Can you trust me?" I whispered

"Of course I can, and I do."

I slid my hands down from his face, to his chest, and finally let them come to a rest at his waist. "Edward…I love you," I breathed.

He smiled. "I love you too… Ever since that first time you told me off."

I giggled, but then he shut me up by kissing me again. My hands were already resting on the waist of his pants, so I just moved them to his fly and unfastened it.

"We don't have to do this yet," he whispered against my lips.

"We should take it slow," I agreed. "Nice and slow," I told him seductively while pulling him down onto the bed.

"I don't have a condom," he said pained as my hand crept down his underwear.

"I'm on the pill," I assured him, but then I thought about how I begged him to get me pregnant the last time we were together, and I wondered if perhaps he wouldn't believe me. "I promise…I've been on it consistently since I got out of the hospital."

"I trust you," he murmured. And to prove how much he trusted me, he pressed his lips back to mine and kissed me passionately as he began stripping my clothes off.

Being with Edward again was a wonderfully strange mix of something exciting and new, and the feeling of coming home. I knew without a doubt that every time with Edward would feel like that, and I couldn't imagine a better feeling in the world.

As promised, we took it slow_, very slow_, and savored every moment of being reunited. I was so thankful that I didn't settle for something less, because missing out on Edward's touch would have been the greatest regret of my life. The pain of our past didn't matter, and there was no predicting the future, but in the here and now, I was beyond happy to be tangled in Edward once again…


	26. Strengthening

Chapter 26 – Strengthening

There was no denying that Edward and I had an intense physical connection - even after making love throughout the night, I couldn't get enough of him - but I still wondered how well our personalities would mesh. I was actually excited by the idea of learning his annoying little habits, and the thought of our first inevitable tiff actually made me giddy with anticipation. I wanted to fight with him; I wanted to argue and get mad, because there was no better way to strengthen a relationship than to disagree and be able to work it out together… Not to mention the fact that make up sex was always the best_, or so I heard_, though I couldn't imagine it getting much better than what we just experienced.

"I think we missed class today," I said groggily that morning as we were lying in his tiny bed completely tangled up together.

He chuckled. "I bet you can afford to miss one day."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked, unsure if I really had the energy to properly pretend to be offended.

"Nothing, just that I'm sure you haven't been absent much from your classes here. You seem to really have this entire college thing under control."

"Oh, is that how it seems," I asked with a lazy smile. "Well, I'll have you know that I have already missed a few classes this year."

"Really? Were you sick?" he asked, sounding legitimately concerned.

"No…I don't have to be sick to miss…I was just playing hooky….Okay, I may have been in the library studying for an exam at the time, but still."

He laughed. "You rebel."

"Mmm, I bet you like that defiant sort of thing, don't you?" I said seductively.

"I think a mix of rebel and good girl is always best, and you are absolutely perfect that way," he said with a smile before pulling me in for a kiss.

Our bodies still felt like Jello, so instead of having sex yet again, we just laid there and made out for a while, but then I noticed something so I pulled my lips from his. "Oh my god, I can't believe you have this here," I said while reaching for the small framed picture of the two of us. It was sitting on his nightstand in a position where you could only see it if you were lying on the bed, which made me blush and melted my heart at the same time.

"Uh…I meant to put that away," he mumbled embarrassed.

"I'm surprised Esme let you have it," I said as I smiled at the memory of his foster mother forcing us to take the picture so she could hang it in her family collage.

"Well she didn't let me; she didn't even know I took it until a few months after I left. She called and started yelling at me because she thought I threw it away or something…I still haven't confessed to actually keeping it."

"Are they going to be freaked out that we're seeing each other again?" I asked somberly knowing his family was well aware of everything that happened between us.

Edward shrugged. "I don't think so…at least not as much as your dad will be."

"True," I agreed. My father was definitely not going to be happy about it. "I think it would be best to save that conversation for much later…and in person."

He laughed once. "Definitely."

…

I could have stayed in that little room with him forever, but Edward refused to let our relationship mess up our lives again, so he insisted that we made our classes the next day.

I hated having to leave him to go get ready for my day, but I couldn't confuse love with obsession so that meant I needed to make time for things besides him…and that included my over-concerned roommate, and my overprotective best friend…

"Oh my god, Bella, thank god you're okay; Garrett and I have been so worried," Angela said while hugging me the moment I walked through the door.

"I'm fine," I said slowly. "Why were you worried?"

"Uh, maybe because you left that party with a guy that hurt you in the past, and then you didn't come home and you weren't in class and then you didn't come home again. I almost filed a missing person's report, and as we speak, Garrett is still out asking around if anyone's seen you. Where have you been?"

I sighed. "I'm sorry, I should have thought to text you. I've just been hanging out with Edward, you know, catching up and all," I said, trying to sound casual but failing miserably. I couldn't even stop myself from smiling when I said his name.

Angela's mouth dropped. "Oh, _catching up_? Does that mean…"

I nodded. "Yeah, we're giving it another go…Starting over…" My face broke out into another wide grin.

"Wow, Bella you are glowing," she cooed. "But are you sure about being with him? I mean, with your history and all?"

"We've promised to stay honest with each other, and that's what really matters."

"Well, if you're happy, I'm happy for you," she said while giving me another hug. "We should probably call Garrett and let him know you're okay."

"Good idea," I agreed.

I didn't have enough time to call Gar, so I just sent him a quick text that I was fine, and then I hurried to get ready for my day. It was partially a coward move because I was sure he wasn't going to be as supportive as Angela, and his support was important to me so I'd need to set aside some time to actually explain it to him. He had told me that I needed to find someone that gave me that feeling I had with Edward, but actually being with Edward again was an entirely different thing. Garrett was a lot like my dad in that way, he wanted to shield me from getting hurt, and I'd never be mad at him for that, but I certainly wasn't willing to stop seeing Edward because of his concerns.

My first few classes dragged on agonizingly slow, but as my lunch break approached my butterflies picked back up at full speed. I couldn't wait to see Edward again; _I only hoped we made it through eating without attacking each other and being forced back to his dorm room_.

We agreed to meet outside the cafeteria so I practically ran there, but when I arrived I was surprised to see that he wasn't alone.

"Hey," I said awkwardly as I approached them. Garrett must have figured it all out and found Edward, because the two of them looked to be locked in some intense conversation. I was so scared that it was going to turn into one of those things where I'd be forced to choose…and I really wasn't looking forward to giving up my best friend. "What's going on?"

"Everything okay?" Garrett asked me protectively.

"Yes. Angela said you were worried, and I apologize…But I'm a big girl and I can handle myself," I tried assuring him.

Garrett stared at me for a minute, and then he did the last thing I was expecting – he shrugged and the smiled at me. "Cool. Good to hear." Then he turned back to Edward. "So, you're really going to talk to her about it?"

"I said I'd try," Edward told him. "I really don't know if it's such a good idea though. She's not really a hundred percent yet, and I kind of think it would set her back if I just sprang something like that on her."

"Hold on, what are we talking about?" I asked confused as I automatically clung to Edward's side and grabbed his hand.

"How was class?" Edward asked me sweetly before kissing me, _but noticeably ignoring my question_.

I kissed him back, but refused to be detoured for too long. "Fine... I missed you….But what are you talking about? What am I not ready for?"

"No, we weren't talking about you," Garrett explained quickly. "I've been sort of…talking to Kate over the phone and online lately, and I was hoping we could finally get together in person."

"Kate? You mean…"

"Tanya's sister," Edward confirmed. "I know her personally through Tanya, so Garrett was hoping I'd convince her to go out tonight with us."

"Like a group thing?"

"Exactly," Garrett said excitedly. "I met her last year, but it never went anywhere because she was involved with Professor Aarons at the time. We've recently reconnected and I really think there could be something more there if we just gave it a shot."

"Wow, cool," I said, relieved everything seemed to be fine with him. And I sincerely hoped that it worked out with Kate; Garrett deserved someone special, and if anyone knew how to be supportive of someone with an emotional problem, it was him.

Edward invited Garrett to lunch with us, but he said he had somewhere to be, and I was grateful. I loved Garrett, but I didn't want to share my Edward time at the moment.

After making out like teenagers through our lunch hour, Edward walked me to my next class...

"So…are you going to talk to Kate about tonight?" I asked him before we parted.

He shrugged. "I'll call her…but maybe we could arrange something for next week. Tonight I'm taking you out on our first real date."

I smiled. "Really?"

"Oh yeah. Flowers and the whole shebang…as promised."

I bit my lower lip. "Okay, but I have to tell you, I don't do the whole sex thing after a first date."

His face fell into an adorable pout. "Well if we can't have sex after the date, can we find a time to do it _during_ the date?"

I giggled. "That all depends on how good you are."

He smirked and then pulled me into him. "Oh, I can be _very _good."

He leaned in to kiss me, but I pulled my head back. "Oh yeah? I can't wait to see you prove it," I challenged him before giving him a quick peck and then escaping from his embrace. There was no way I was going to go to class if he kissed me again. "Pick me up at six tonight," I told him before hurrying away.

...

Our date night was absolutely perfect; it was fun, and romantic, and everything a wonderful night should be. At the end of the evening there was no way that whole "no sex" thing was going to stick, so I ended up going back to Edward's room, and I started to wonder how I'd ever sleep without him again.

Over the next several weeks, we grew so irrevocably together that I honestly felt like he was the other half of me. We were beyond comfortable with each other, and yet, I never felt bored or complacent the way I did in my previous relationships. Those radioactive butterflies only became more nuclear with every passing day, and I sincerely hoped that fire never got extinguished.

But as crazy as we were for each other, we refused to let it cross that line into unhealthy obsession. We managed to spend some evenings apart, and tried to maintain friendships away from each other. And there were definitely things about him that annoyed the hell out of me – Like when he refused to let me buy my own dinner, or when he'd get a little huffy every time a new guy showed the slightest interest in me, platonically or otherwise. He was definitely protective to a fault, but despite protesting some of his old fashioned chivalries, secretly I loved that aspect of him because I knew he only acted that way out of his love for me, and there was nothing better in the world than being loved by him.

Edward had kept his word and convinced Kate to go out with Garrett, and it wasn't long before they too became a strong steady couple. Some of my favorite times were when Edward and I would go out with Kate and Garrett, and Angela and Ben. We all got along really well, and I was so happy to have made some real and true friends that year.

Without even realizing it, months had passed and it was time for spring break, which presented Edward and me with our first big challenge as a couple.

"My dad knows I have two weeks off, and he's already bought my bus ticket home," I told Edward one afternoon. I wasn't obsessed with Edward, but I certainly didn't want to spend two weeks away from him either so I was practically begging him to come home with me.

"Bella, your dad hates me…Most of Forks hates me," he argued.

"That's not true, why would most of Forks hate you?"

"It's a tiny town, they all know our relationship screwed you up, so of course they hate me for it. Plus they all blame me for getting the Blacks arrested. They were practically the royal family around there."

"They're important in La Push, not Forks. Besides, I spoke to Jake last year about everything, and he doesn't blame you one bit. He knows it was his dad's fault…Everyone knows it was all Billy's fault, even my dad. I'm sure it will be fine."

"If you were so sure it would be fine you would have told your dad about us already," he rebutted.

Crap, he was right. "Okay, I am a little nervous, but not because Charlie hates you…I just, I know he thinks it's a bad idea for me to associate myself with any contributing factor to my breakdown. He didn't want me talking to Jake either."

"But he still brought him to see you. Do you know what he said when _I_ asked him how you were doing? He basically told me to go lay on some railroad tracks."

"Oh, he did not."

"Yes, he did. He said that if I ever tried to contact you again, he'd bury me in the woods somewhere no one would ever find me. True story."

I laughed once. "Well I guess you didn't take his threat too seriously, did you."

"I didn't follow you to this school, Bella. I was here first, so this is your fault," he joked.

I rolled my eyes. "Look, we're going to have to tell him eventually… I mean, unless you plan to break up with me in the near future."

He pretended to think about it. "Can we break up right before you leave, and then get back together when school starts again?"

I punched him in the arm.

"Okay fine, you go alone for now, and tell your dad about us. Give him time to let it sink in, and then I'll go down there next week for a tense, not so friendly visit…Or maybe we should give him a little more time and I'll go this summer."

"Coward," I teased him.

"Yes. Yes, I am," he agreed. "Your dad is absolutely terrifying."

I whined. "Please just come with me. He's retiring, and there's going to be a big party for him."

"All the more reason to not go; I really don't want to ruin his day. Where would I stay there anyway? Your dad would never let me stay at your house, and the only hotel in town is owned by Black's cousin. I just don't see it working this time."

"We can figure it out….Oh, you know what, Waylon has that room above the diner's kitchen, I'm sure he'd let you stay there… I bet he'd even let us stay there _together_," I told him seductively.

"Babe, I want to go, really I do, but Esme wants me to go to Alaska over the break," he said, pulling that excuse straight from his ass.

"Two weeks," I reiterated. "You know you're going to miss me."

"Of course I'm going to miss you, but think how great the sex will be when we come back," he said playfully.

"Sex with us is _always_ great," I said somberly, knowing he wasn't going to change his mind.

When the day I was set to leave arrived, I refused to let my sudden feelings of separation anxiety overtake me. It was okay to miss Edward, but I had to learn to handle those emotions. However when he came to say goodbye, I nearly had a panic attack when I saw that he had a suitcase of his own.

"Wait, you really are going to Alaska?" I asked anxiously. Having him three hours away was one thing, but any further than that was horrifying.

"Uh…no," he said sheepishly.

My heart jumped. "You're coming with me?"

He smirked. "Well, to be honest, the Cullen's are moving back there this week and asked if I could go there to help them unpack and all."

"They're moving back?" I asked excitedly, but surprised.

"Yeah, I guess they missed it. Plus the Chief of Staff position at Forks Mercy just opened, so Carlisle jumped at it."

"Wow! So… you were willing to go for them, but not me?" I asked, feigning hurt. I really did understand his reasons for not wanting to go, but I would think those reasons would still be valid with or without his family there, so I wasn't sure why he changed his mind about going back.

"The Cullen's house is out in the boonies. With them being there I can just hide out and not have to worry about all that small town crap.

I bit my bottom lip, and then I exploded. "I'm so glad you're going to be there with me!"

I really didn't care how or why he was going, I was only grateful I didn't have to go two whole weeks without him. Being back in forks together was going to be strange, but it was just one more thing that we needed to get through that would surely strengthen our relationship - _at least, that was my hope_…


	27. Support

Chapter 27 – Support

I hated public transportation, but the three and a half hour bus ride with Edward was actually fun. When he wasn't cracking jokes and giving me belly laughs, I had his warm delicious smelling chest to rest against. He seemed to make every situation so much better, and I found myself falling more and more in love with him every moment we spent together.

When we arrived at the Forks' bus station, I clung to Edward's arm and didn't want to let him go…

"You could come with me to the Cullen's place for a while," he said mischievously before kissing my temple. "We could get something to eat… Hang out in my room _and take full advantage of the lock on the door_."

I smiled. "Mmm, I'd love to, but it's going to have to wait. My dad will be here soon to take me home and he's going to want to hang out for a bit, so I'll head over there sometime after dinner."

"Are you going to tell him about us today?" he asked with a smirk.

I bit my lower lip. "Maybe…We'll see if I can work you into a conversation."

He chuckled. "Sure…I bet we'll leave here after next week and he still won't know."

"No, I'm going to tell him before we leave for sure, but…just maybe not today. I really don't want to be fighting with him the entire time I'm here."

"Uh huh," he teased.

"No, I will. But you know, you really have no room to talk; have you even told the Cullens about us yet?"

"It hasn't come up, but it's not going to be a huge issue either. Esme will pull me to the side and get all serious, and look me in the eye to make sure I'm being sincere with you, and then she'll hug me and tell me how happy she is because she fucking adores you."

"You may have underestimated their fondness for me; I did hurt you too," I said somberly.

"Oh, just wait," he replied unconcerned.

"If you say so," I said with a smile before grabbing a hand full of his shirt and pulling him in for a kiss. "I'll see you soon then."

He growled playfully. "Not soon enough."

"Nowhere near soon enough," I agreed before kissing him again, and then racing off towards the police cruiser which had just entered the station parking lot. I was slightly worried that Charlie would recognize Edward, but from that distance, and with Edward's shorter hair and facial scruffiness, we were more than likely okay.

"Hey sweetheart!" Charlie said as he parked the car and got out to greet me. "I've missed you like hell."

"I missed you too, dad," I said sincerely while hugging him.

"Did you make a friend?" he asked while gesturing towards Edward, still standing there waiting for Emmett to pick him up. "We can give him a ride if he needs one," he offered, obviously not recognizing him.

"Oh no, he has someone coming for him."

"Alrighty-then, let's get going."

Being back home was almost odd in a way; I never thought I'd feel like a guest there, but that's exactly how it felt. I loved my dad and his house would always be home, but I didn't belong there anymore and I was actually excited by the thought of that. I had grown up since I was there last, and I knew I'd never revert back to that sad, sick, lost, little girl again.

Dad and I went to the diner for dinner, _of course_, and then we went home and ate ice cream from the tub while watching TV, but then I started itching to see Edward so I pretended to get a text from one of my old friends. "Oh hey dad, would you mind if I went out for a while? I've got a lot of catching up to do."

"Sure, of course. I'm actually really happy you've kept in touch with some of your friends from around here. Just gives you another reason to visit home."

"Aww dad, you're all the reason I need," I assured him. "But it'll probably be late, so don't wait up for me," I told him before kissing him on the cheek and grabbing my old truck keys.

"Don't worry about it. I actually took the night shift tonight so I could work while you were sleeping, that way we wouldn't have to waste any visit time with me gone."

"Work? I thought you were retiring?"

"Not till this weekend," he said stubbornly.

I rolled my eyes. "Okay, well I guess I'll see you tomorrow then."

"Goodnight sweetheart… And it's really good to have you home."

"It's good to be home," I told him sincerely.

It was still fairly early in the evening, so I wasn't surprised to see the Cullen house still fully active. The front door was wide open, and there was a huge moving truck in the driveway which looked to be in the process of being unloaded. I felt strange just walking into the house, but the doorbell didn't seem to be working and I wasn't sure where everyone was…

"Hello?" I said while looking around, hoping Edward was nearby and would hear me. I had text him to let him know I was coming, but if he was busy helping his family unpack then he probably never got the message. "Hello?" I said a little louder.

Finally I heard someone coming from the kitchen, but it was Esme, not Edward. She paused when she saw me, and then smiled widely. "Oh Bella," she said emotionally while reaching to embrace me. "I'm so glad you're here. I've been thinking about you quite a bit lately."

"Oh?" I said, unsure if that was a good thing or not.

"Yes, well we moved to Alaska not long after everything happened, so with us back…" She let her sentence trail off, and then she wrapped her arm around me and led me into the sitting room. "Are you hungry? Everyone's scarfing down pizza in the kitchen, I can get you some."

"Oh, no thanks, Mrs. Cullen, I just ate a little while ago."

"Bella, please call me Esme," she said in a light scolding tone.

"Yes, of course, I'm sorry."

"So…How have you been? I was really hoping to get the chance to see you sometime during one of your breaks. How's Arizona treating you?"

"Arizona?" I asked confused.

"Don't you go to ASU?"

"Um, no…I considered it for a short time, but I decided to stay closer to home."

"Oh…Washington State?" she asked slowly.

"Actually SPU," I replied awkwardly. Obviously Edward hadn't told them about us, though I had a feeling it wasn't out of fear the way I put off telling my dad - it looked as though they had been pretty busy the entire day and he probably just never found the time.

"Oh," Esme said, which was immediately followed by a wave of discomfort radiating from her. "Um…you must be aware that Edward attends SPU as well?" she asked carefully.

I bit my lower lip as I tried to think of the best way to respond.

"Yes, she knows I go there," Edward said unexpectedly as he breezed into the room from the kitchen. "Hey, I just checked my phone, sorry," he said to me as he pulled me up and wrapped his arms around my waist before kissing me tenderly.

If his lips didn't feel so good, I probably would have pushed him away out of embarrassment.

Esme cleared her throat. "Uh, please explain to me what's going on," she said, suddenly sounding much less friendly.

Edward pulled back but laced his fingers with mine to stay connected. "What? I told you I had a girlfriend," he said with faux innocence.

"Carlisle!" Esme called towards the kitchen. When he came into the room and saw Edward and me holding hands he seemed to catch on fairly quickly.

"Can I speak to you privately please son?" Carlisle asked Edward firmly. Edward was about to protest, but Carlisle didn't give him a chance; he just grabbed him by the arm and pulled him out of the room.

When we were alone again, Esme asked me to sit back down and she voiced her concerns - "Bella, I'm really glad you're doing better, but I don't think getting involved with Edward again is what's best for either of you."

"I completely understand why you would think that, but I promise, we're both in a much better place now, and we really are doing amazing together. We've been seeing each other for a while, and we've managed to keep control of everything, and stay focused on school…"

"But is this a real honest relationship now, and will you be able to handle it if it ends badly again?" she asked gently. "Sweetheart, you know we care about you, and I know how difficult it was for you before, but…our main concern in this is Edward. He's our son, and we need to make sure he's okay. I have to tell you, when you went to the hospital…I don't think I've ever seen anyone as upset as he was. At first he tried to pretend like everything was fine, but he was a mess and it just about destroyed him. We were so worried that he'd never recover that we even talked about having him committed into a mental hospital as well…You two hurt each other so deeply, and I just…I don't want to see that happen to either of you again."

It was bittersweet to think about that horrible time, but knowing we came out of it as stronger people made the sweetness overpower the bitter. I took a deep breath. "Neither of us wants to hurt the other again, but that doesn't mean we're at a point where we think it's going to last forever; we're just taking it one day at a time because we both understand that sometimes life gets in the way. We promised each other that no matter what happens, we're not going to let it ruin our lives again…. Mrs. Cullen - _Esme_, I tried to hurt Edward back then…and I'll regret that for the rest of my life, but we owe it to ourselves to give it one more chance because despite all of the deceit we really did grow to care about each other, and that never left either of us."

"And how is your relationship now?" she asked softly.

"Really good," I told her confidently. "I know this sounds kind of bad, but we're still the same people as before… We still laugh at the same things, and have fun in a lot of the same way, but now it's just all so much better because it's honest and sincere."

"And you're taking it slow?"

I bit my bottom lip. "One day at a time," I told her again, but I couldn't keep the truth bottled up like I intended. "I love him _very_ much…And I really think we belong together – _in a normal sane way_."

She smiled warmly. "I can see that you love him…and I know he loves you." She paused and wiped a tear from her cheek. "Well, if you are both happy than so am I. We just want what's best for Edward - _and I really do hope that it's you because the lord knows I adore you_."

She reached out and hugged me tightly. "I want you to know, you can call me anytime you need to talk to someone."

"Thanks, Mrs. – Esme."

We talked a little more about everything, but then Carlisle and Edward returned with the other Cullens following excitedly behind them.

"Bella's back!" Alice squealed. They all seemed to attack me at once, and welcomed me back with hugs and tender words. Even Carlisle embraced me and told me how happy he was to have me there again, which pretty much meant that whatever Edward told him about our relationship was enough to gain his approval. Outside the chaos I vaguely heard Emmett threatening Edward to treat me right, but it was impossible to focus on one thing with the loving loud chatter all around me.

When everyone was finally finished with me, Edward pulled me back to his side where I pretty much stayed for the rest of the evening. The Cullens put off the remainder of their unpacking so we could all hang out together, and we pretty much spent the next few hours laughing and playing catch up. It had been a long time since I had that wonderful feeling of being part of a big extended family, and I didn't realize how much I missed it until then; in fact, the family dynamic was really the only thing I missed from my relationship with Jacob, and I was so grateful Edward and I had the Cullens as an extra means of support.

When it got exceedingly late, each couple retreated to their rooms, and nobody protested when Edward took me to his. At first it felt a little strange that I was allowed to spend the night with him, but Mr. and Mrs. Cullen treated their kids as the adults they were, which was really refreshing and I wondered if my father would ever reach that point with me. Accepting my choice to be with Edward again was going to be a struggle for Charlie, but I was confident that if Edward was steadfast, one day he could finally win him over too...


	28. No Going Back

Chapter 28 – No Going Back

I never thought having sex with Edward could be so difficult. Of course, my struggle only made him laugh. "What are you doing? You look like you're in pain."

"Shhh," I hissed at him. "It's bad enough that everyone knows what we're doing in here, I certainly don't want them to hear anything." – And god knew I wanted to be vocal – It was hard not to be while straddling Edward and moving in that incredible way.

He just laughed again. "You never care how loud we are in my dorm room, and those walls are paper thin."

"That's different," I argued while rolling my hips to reach that marvelous spot, and then biting my lip to keep myself from moaning. "Most of your neighbors are doing the same thing."

Edward grunted from the sensation, and then he smiled. "What the hell do you think everyone is doing in this house right now? They're all fucking like rabbits, just like they do every other night."

I paused my movements and tried to listen. "I don't hear anything."

"Exactly. The guy that built this place a decade ago was some millionaire recluse that insisted people were always trying spy on him, so he had all the rooms soundproofed. But trust me, Carlisle and Esme are grateful, we all are. Their place in Alaska is a nightmare at night. You can't walk down a hall without hearing beds squeaking and moaning."

I giggled. "That's…"

"Disgusting, I know," he agreed, and then he shocked me by screaming at the top of his lungs. "See? No one can hear…._Well they might have heard that_." We both froze as we waited to make sure no one was coming to see why he was screaming, and when we were satisfied we were in the clear we both giggled and then resumed our perfect love session.

The next morning I decided to leave for home fairly early, because I wasn't sure what time Charlie got off work - Sadly it wasn't early enough.

"Oh, hey dad," I said, surprised to see him sitting in the kitchen when I walked into the house.

"Are you okay?" he asked evenly.

"Uh…Yes," I said with a guilty smile. "I just…lost track of time," I lied horribly.

"Bella, you are an adult and you don't have to explain yourself. I was just worried, that's all."

"I'm sorry. You said you were going to be gone all night, so I didn't worry about coming home."

"Okay let's just move on," he said uncomfortably, obviously coming to his own conclusions of where I was and not wanting details. "What do you want to do today?"

"Well, I thought I'd see if I could help with your party planning. Who's putting it all together?"

"Uh… Sue Clearwater," he replied awkwardly.

"Sue? Harry's wife?"

"Ex…They just finalized their divorce a few months ago."

I huffed, and then exploded. "Dad, seriously, what the hell is wrong with you and your friends? You all switch partners like it's nothing!"

"Now hold on, that's not what happened here."

"No? Then what?"

"Sue and Harry have been separated for a long time, and I didn't officially start dating her until a month ago – after their divorce was final. Look, I didn't intend for it to happen, but we were friends first and we've both been through a lot in the past couple years. It just sort of…happened."

I swear, he gave me a fucking migraine, but at the same time it was his life and I certainly wasn't in a position to judge him for his choice in significant other.

"Well, since we're on the subject of questionable relationship choices, I have something to tell you," I said, deciding it was a good time to break the Edward news.

"What is it?... Oh wait, hold that thought," he said as he checked his cell phone. "Ah shit! Honey, I have to go for a little while. I'm really sorry."

"What happened?"

He hesitated, and then sighed. "It looks like there was an accident up by Coyote Bend," he said carefully. "A hit and run."

"What?" I nearly choked. "The same place where mom…"

"You know what? I'm retiring; I'll just let someone else handle this," he said while pulling out his phone.

"No dad, I'm fine," I insisted. "Really, just go. You're the best at handling situations like that around here."

"I'm not leaving you here alone, I shouldn't have even told you."

"I'm fine," I repeated strongly. The truth was, it did make my chest ache and my stomach twist, but feeling those old familiar pains just made me want to go cuddle into Edward and let him kiss it all away. "You know, I think I'm just going to go meet up with my friends again for a while," I told Charlie before grabbing my keys and practically racing for my truck.

When I arrived at the Cullen's place, I didn't even feel uncomfortable about just walking inside. Edward and Carlisle were standing in the archway between the living room and the kitchen, and looked to be in some kind of serious conversation, but I couldn't stop myself from grabbing onto him and molding my body to his regardless.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Edward asked as he held me tightly and kissed my hair.

"There was just an accident up at Coyote Bend," I mumbled into his chest.

There was a few beats of silence, and then he started rubbing my back. "Babe, I'm so sorry," he murmured. "Come on; let's go up to my room."

Edward did exactly what I needed him to - he just held me for a while. I didn't cry, and I never felt like I was on the verge of losing myself, but I needed him; I needed his arms to hold me and remind me that something truly beautiful could come from such tragedy. I truly believed Edward and I would have ended up together even without the scam that initially inspired us to meet, but we did meet the way we did, and we were stronger for it.

"Bella?" Edward asked after a while, but then hesitated.

"What?"

"I know that we've started over and all, but… Is it possible for you to even ever truly get over what happened?"

"Of course…I already have. I know you were just protecting yourself; hell, if anyone needs forgiveness it's me."

"No, I'm not talking about the lies and the double scams."

"What do you mean then?" I asked confused.

"I didn't cause the accident and it wasn't my fault, but I was still there. I mean, maybe it was my car that made Billy swerve, maybe if I wasn't there that night he would have somehow made it home and your mom would still be…"

I put my finger on his lips to quiet him. "You didn't kill my mom. None of it was your fault, and I really hope that someday you'll truly believe that too."

He caressed my face tenderly. "I thought you came here so I could comfort you, how did it turn into you comforting me?"

I smiled. "That's what we do, right? Comfort each other."

He kissed me sweetly. "That is exactly what we do…and we always will."

"Always," I agreed.

We never really discussed the future or said anything close to 'always' or 'forever', but I believed he wanted that with me too, and it was nice to actually hear him say it.

A few hours later I got a text from Charlie saying he was done for the day, so I left Edward at the Cullen's house and went back home. I didn't ask him about the accident, and he didn't offer any information either; it had nothing to do with us so it just wasn't necessary.

Sue joined us for dinner, and I was surprised by just how not uncomfortable having her there actually was; Charlie seemed really happy, and I'd never be upset at anyone for that. When it started getting late I told Charlie I was leaving again, which made him grimace, but he didn't question me. I think he was really trying hard to prove that he trusted my sanity by giving me some space. I appreciated it.

For the rest of the week things pretty much went the same. I spent most of my days with Charlie, _except for when he illogically went into the job he was supposedly retiring from_, and then I always left after dinner to Edward's, much to the dismay of Charlie. I had one entire week left to tell him the truth, so I decided to wait until after the big party that weekend; I didn't want to ruin his time. But when the day of the party did come, I regretted putting it off…

"If I would have just not been a coward and told him the truth, you could have been coming with me today," I pouted to Edward that morning.

"We can just surprise him by me showing up," he offered playfully.

"I don't want to give him a heart attack at his retirement party," I grumbled.

"Bella, even if you had already told him, I highly doubt I'd be welcome there today," he pointed out.

"Well he's going to have to accept you, because I'm not willing to give you up just because he disapproves."

Edward abruptly became quiet, and the atmosphere between us tensed.

"What is it?" I asked concerned.

But he just clamed up. "Nothing. You should get going; you're going to be late."

"I don't care about being late, I care about whatever the hell just upset you," I said sternly.

"I'm not upset."

"We promised we wouldn't lie to each other," I challenged him.

"Bella, you're going to be late, we'll talk later." He didn't really give me a chance to argue anymore; he practically dragged me to my truck and kissed me goodbye.

"Well…I love you," I said after rolling down my window.

"I love you too," he replied, and then he leaned in and kissed me again, before turning and going back into the house.

I didn't understand his sudden mood swing, but he was right about one thing, I was going to be late if I stayed any longer, so I grudgingly put my car in drive and headed to the diner. Sue had rented out the entire place for a retirement brunch, and half the town was slated to be there. I was actually really nervous about being around all those people again; it would be the first time I saw many of them since before my breakdown, and I definitely wasn't looking forward to the obnoxious stares and intrusive questions.

And I was definitely right in my sour prediction; not even ten minutes into the event I had already been asked about my current emotional state by several nosey people. It wasn't their concern that bothered me, it was their excited hunger for any type of information they could use to gossip about. I suppose some things about small towns would never change.

When the speeches were over and everyone was finished eating, the smaller conversing resumed so I went outside for some fresh air, but what I was really doing was hiding; I didn't feel like talking to anyone anymore_ - I only wished the damn thing would end already so I could go back to Edward_.

"These things always seem to drag on," someone said from behind me. For one brief moment I was excited to think it was Edward, but I knew his voice better than anyone, and that definitely wasn't it.

I turned to see Jacob Black standing there smiling at me. "Hey," I said awkwardly. "I didn't know you were here."

"Nah, I just got here a little bit ago. I pretty much just hovered in the back so I wouldn't disrupt anything."

"Oh…cool… I'm sorry, I didn't realize you and my dad were friendly again," I said with a bit more attitude than I intended. "Are you crashing the party, or something?"

"No, he invited me."

"Really?" I said surprised.

"Well…I asked to come…I was hoping to spend a little time with you."

"Why?" I asked disturbed. "Sorry, I didn't mean to… Well, actually I did. Why do you want to spend time with me?"

"Just to catch up…I have something for you."

I couldn't help the slight moan that escaped my lips. "What?"

"Wow, don't sound too excited. I know you hate gifts and all, but jeesh," he said while pulling out a small rectangular box and holding it out towards me.

"Um…it's not my birthday…and we're not friends anymore - We haven't even seen each other in almost two years, so this is more than a little odd," I said honestly, refusing to take the gift from him.

"Two years isn't much on the grand scale of time that we've spent together. I guess I was just hoping we could try to be friends again."

"So this is what? A peace offering?" I asked while gesturing towards the box.

"I guess. Actually I made it for you a while ago…hoping I'd get a chance to see you again."

"Jake, look, I appreciate it, but I can't accept anything from you. It's just…I'm all about moving forward with my life, not taking six steps back."

"So there's just no hope for us to ever be friends again? Ever?" he asked incredulously.

"I wish you the best…really I do, but I just don't think it's a good idea, at least not now."

"I thought…I thought there had been enough time since all that went down that you'd be able to forgive me."

I sighed. "I do forgive you Jake…but my life is in Seattle, and I really don't want to get involved with anyone around here."

"But Charlie said you've been reconnecting with your friends here?" he questioned.

I clinched my jaw. "He really doesn't know much about me these days," I mumbled.

"Is everything okay?" Jake asked concerned.

"Yes!" I growled at him. I was so sick of people asking me if everything was okay. "Sorry," I added, feeling like a moron for losing my cool. We stood there silently for a bit, and just watched the light rain fall outside the cover of the diner's porch.

"Remember your sixteenth birthday?" he asked suddenly.

I grimaced, but when he started laughing at the memory I couldn't help but crack a grin. "It's not funny," I tried to pout.

"Oh, yes it is. You were so fucking stubborn; it didn't matter how deep in the mud your tires got, you were determined to drive that truck out of it."

"It was my first outing as a licensed driver; I didn't want to have to call a tow truck."

"So you made me get out in the pouring rain to push the damn thing, and when it wouldn't budge you actually thought you could help…as if your lack of strength would somehow make a difference," he said through his laughter.

I laughed, I couldn't help it. "We ended up covered in mud from head to toe, and had to call the tow truck despite it all."

"Remember the tow driver's face when he saw us," Jake snorted as his laughter reached his belly.

We both laughed so hard that it was difficult to catch our breaths, but when we finally got a hold of ourselves Jake got serious again. "Man, I think about stuff like that all the time. We had a lot of great times together."

I hesitated, but finally nodded to acknowledge that he was right. We did have a lot of great times together, and perhaps it was wrong of me to bury those better memories out of fear of the worse ones. "Maybe we can be friends again…someday."

"I can wait… But you still have to open your gift."

I rolled my eyes. "Fine."

He smiled triumphantly, and then handed it to me.

The intricately braded bracelet with the carved wooden wolf charm was really beautiful, and I honestly couldn't believe he actually made it himself.

"So how much did your sister do of this?" I teased.

"None. I made the whole thing myself…just for you. Took me a long time, but it was worth it and I really hope you'll wear it."

"Jacob, it's really pretty," I said uncomfortably as he grabbed the bracelet from the box and automatically attached it to my wrist. "Um…I'm not sure how much I'll wear it though," I said honestly. "It would be a little strange for me to walk around college wearing a friendship bracelet that my ex made, and all."

"I doubt anyone would ask you about it, or even notice," he argued.

"Yeah well, my boyfriend would surely notice," I told him bluntly.

Jake sighed. "Boyfriend, huh? Charlie said he didn't think you were dating anyone seriously."

"I don't exactly offer that type of information to him," I said as I tried to open the clasp of the bracelet so I could take it off.

Jake grabbed my wrist to help me. "You don't have to wear it, but just promise me you'll always keep it with you…Like in your sock drawer or something."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "I know that you made it and all, but why is me keeping it so important to you?"

He pressed his lips together and looked around as if he was trying to come up with a way to stall his explanation, but then he shrugged. "It's not a friendship bracelet…it's the Quileute's traditional version of a promise ring," he admitted sheepishly.

"What?" I nearly spat. "Why would you give me something like this?"

"Because I still love you, and I know now I always will," he said, completely blindsiding me. "We both know things got fucked up between us, but that doesn't mean we're any less meant to be. I've dated a lot of other girls, and none of them ever held a candle to you."

"Jake, I have a boyfriend," I told him again, hoping it would knock some sense into him.

"I don't care. So, it's still not the right time for us, but I truly believe that someday it will be. You can date a thousand guys…"

"I love him," I told Jake, but he didn't even pause.

"You can fall in love a hundred times, but you and me…we're each other's end game. We're the real deal, and I know someday you'll realize that."

I actually felt bad for him. As much as I didn't return his feelings, I still understood them because that was similar to how I felt for Edward.

"Jacob…I'm sorry, but…I really love my boyfriend…Like in the forever kind of way. I'd marry him tomorrow if he asked."

Jake shook his head. "Even if you did marry him, it wouldn't last because _we_ belong together."

"I'm sorry," I apologized again. "I just don't feel that way."

"Because you're still not over everything that happened, and those emotions are getting in the way. But someday we will be together again."

"Fat chance of that, chump," Edward said, appearing out of nowhere and making me jump. His abrupt presence made me anxious, but not out of fear of Jake's opinion, I was worried of upsetting Edward that I was even talking to him.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Jacob snarled.

Edward and I ignored him.

"I thought you didn't want to come?" I murmured while unconsciously curling myself into him. I rarely ever tried to reach for Edward; it was always just an automatic response, as if my body wanted to be close to his without my mind even telling it to. It was instinctual.

"Emmett and I were heading to the store, and I saw you standing out here so I had him pull over and let me out," Edward explained in the same affectionate tone I was using. His hands had found their way to my hips, and he had slowly pulled me even closer into him, though I wasn't sure how unconscious his movements were.

"What the fuck!" Jacob shouted unexpectedly. I twisted my neck to look back at him, but my hands refused to break contact with Edward's body, which only seemed to make Jake that much more angry. "You're with _him_? Masen is your fucking boyfriend?" he fumed.

"It's Cullen," Edward corrected him evenly. My mind suddenly flashed back to all the times people had called him _Cullen_ in high school and he would correct him by saying his name was _Masen_. For whatever reason the change was funny to me, and I had to cover my mouth with my hand to keep myself from laughing.

"What is so funny?" Jake spat.

I turned back to Edward and saw him trying to muffle his laughter as well, which only made me laugh harder.

"Bella, what the hell is wrong with you?" Jacob exclaimed, making my laughter die down. "You just told me a few minutes ago that you wanted to move forward with your life and leave the past behind you, or some shit like that, and here you are, fucking around with Masen again?"

"Cullen," Edward corrected him again, sending us both back into another fit of laughter.

"This is ridiculous," Jacob said full of irritation, and then he headed for the diner's front door.

"Wait, where are you going?" I asked him, having a fairly good idea what his answer would be.

"I'm going to go speak to your dad; it's obvious you're having another mental meltdown."

Edward moved to stand in his way. "You're going to go tattle to her dad? Are you fucking kidding me? What are we, five?"

"You're sure acting like it," Jake retorted.

"Me? Why, because we're laughing?" Edward asked with a humorless chuckle. "Grow the fuck up, Black. You're just pissed because you're still in love with her, and she's with me."

"This is no different than senior year," Jake argued. "You're still messing with her emotions and taking advantaged of her vulnerable state."

"Vulnerable state? I'm not vulnerable," I told him confidently.

"Clearly you are if you started dating him again."

"And if she went back to you she'd be sane?" Edward snapped at him. "Please. You fucked her over far more than I did. At least she went into our relationship back then guardedly. She fucking trusted you, and you were willing to steamroll her just to get to me. You're fucking pathetic."

"Edward," I said, trying to get him to stop. There was no need to rehash everything, and I did feel bad for Jake; he looked horribly heartbroken, and I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

"No, he's right," Jake admitted. "I did hurt you more because you trusted me more, and because you loved me more. Bella, you know I'm sorry, I went to the hospital and apologized, but I will apologize every day for the rest of my life if that's what will make you better. We belong together, and we can't let one horrible mistake get in the way of that. If we end up with anyone else it would just be settling, and that's no way to live."

I reflexively looked at Edward because I was expecting him to rebut Jake's claim, but he just pressed his lips and then whispered – "That's all on you. You're the only one who can say if it's true or not."

He was right; it wasn't really his place so I smiled at him somberly. I was in no way in love with Jacob and I wondered if I ever really was, but I hated having to hurt anyone, though I guess there was no avoiding it.

"Jake…Look, we did have a lot of good times in the past, and I think I can finally look back on them fondly, but that doesn't mean we have a future so you need to stop waiting for me. I do forgive you for what happened, but even if I wasn't in love with Edward I still wouldn't want to try again with you," I said as gently as possible. "I'm sorry, Jake; I think that what we had before was just…I don't know, a childhood sweetheart thing, and nothing more. I really believe we would have grown apart eventually, even if it didn't end the way it did."

He shook his head in denial. "You think you love him right now, and I'm sure that's all you can see, but when it's over you'll realize what I already have. We _do_ belong together."

"Jake…I don't know how to convince you," I said honestly. "Maybe you're holding onto this because you haven't found real love with someone so you think what we had is the best it can get…But I promise you, someday you'll understand."

"And I promise you, someday you'll change your mind," Jake replied unwavering.

"Okay, let's get out of here. Goodbye Jacob," Edward said, obviously frustrated by Jake's persistence.

"No, you don't speak for her!" Jake shouted, and then shoved Edward away from me.

"Oh, that's it," Edward fumed as he recovered himself. He lunged for Jake, but thankfully Emmett came out of nowhere and grabbed him before he had a chance to fight him.

"Whoa, relax little brother. No need to ruin the party," Emmett tried calming him. I mechanically looked through the window into the diner and saw that we had drawn the attention of a small crowd inside. And because things weren't bad enough already, that's when my dad ran out…

"Bella? What the hell is going on here?"


	29. Conviction

Chapter 29 – Conviction

"Dad…hey, sorry if we disrupted anything inside," I said as innocently as possible.

"Bella, I'll ask again, what the hell is going on here?" Charlie said sternly as he glared at Edward.

"I'm sorry, sir. I saw Bella and Jacob out here, so I decided to stop and talk to them," Edward explained. "It's my bad, I should have kept going."

Charlie narrowed his eyes at him. "The Cullen's just moved back, so you must be here visiting them, right?" he asked evenly.

"Uh…Yes sir."

Charlie took a step closer to him. "You listen to me, son; I want you to stay away from these two while you're in town. We don't need a repeat of what happened the last time the three of you were here together."

"Dad, you know that wasn't his fault," I cut in.

"No, it was all three of your faults…_and your father's_," Charlie growled while pointing at Jake. "Even so, you all need to stay away from each other."

I crossed my arms in front of me like a sulking child. "If you wanted us to all stay away from each other, then why'd you invite Jake here today?"

"He said he had something he had to give you; he practically begged. Besides, I've known him his entire life; he's practically a son to me…or at least was at one time."

"Yeah, we're a family," Jake added smugly.

"Jacob, shut the hell up!" Charlie snapped at him unexpectedly. "I'm trying to speak to my daughter; please give us some space…both of you," he demanded, so Jake and Edward moved to opposite sides of the porch and pretended not to listen to us.

"Dad, I understand you care about Jake, but…"

"Look, I'm not blaming Edward," he cut me off, "but he was the one you were crying over, and it was his house that I had to pick you up from to take you to that hospital. Now, I'll always be grateful that he called me to let me know what was happening, but I still don't want him anywhere near you right now _or ever_. Your relationship was toxic, and I won't have that happen to you again. You've been doing so well at school, and I won't have _either _of those boys screwing you up."

"Dad," I bit my bottom lip anxiously, and then I took a deep breath. "I've been dating Edward for a few months now. We practically live together at SPU," I finally admitted, hoping he'd see that I was already functioning healthily with Edward in my life. He wasn't going to hurt me again, and I needed to make my dad see that too.

I watched as my father's face turned several different shades of red as he grasped what I had just told him, and then he grunted. "Bella, get in your truck right now."

"Huh?" I asked confused.

"I have to show you something," he said, and without giving me a chance to protest, he started walking there. "Now!" he called to me, so I gave Edward a quick kiss and then ran after him.

"Where are we going?" I asked as I got into the passenger side of my truck so my dad could drive.

"I'll explain when we get there," he grumbled.

"Okay…Why aren't we taking your car?"

"Because I came with Sue. We won't be gone long; I just need you to understand something."

"Dad, I really don't care what you have to show me; there's nothing you can do to change my mind about being with Edward. I love him," I said brazenly.

"Just trust me," Charlie said strangely. I was surprised by how calm he actually was – I was expecting a little more shouting and maybe a few threats - but the fact that he had some mystery thing that he was so sure would change my mind about Edward made me a little nervous. With everything we had been through, I hated that we were going to have to face more drama, _whatever the hell it was_.

When he pulled into a particular parking lot, I just became more confused. "Why are we at the police station?" I asked with a mix of worry and frustration.

"Follow me," he replied while getting out of the truck. We went through the station and then to the fenced area out back. He led me to what looked like a covered hunk of mangled junk, and then he pulled off the cover to reveal exactly what I thought it was - a hunk of mangled junk.

"Why are you showing me this?" I asked baffled.

"This is the car we found up at Coyote Bend the other day," he said evenly, making my heart jump. "Does it look familiar to you?"

"Should it?" I asked disturbed. "Did someone die in this thing?"

"Strangely enough, we didn't find a body and there were no injuries reported at any nearby hospitals to potentially match this accident. A different car slammed into this one as it came around the bend, and when they got out of their car to see if anyone was injured, they found this empty. The first responders on the scene labeled it as a hit and run, but it's being investigated further because of the unusual circumstance."

"Wow…Okay?" I said, still clueless as to why he felt the need to bring me there and show me that.

"You don't recognize this car?" he asked surprised.

"No… How could anyone recognize it in this state? Why?"

"It didn't have a license plate, but we ran the VIN number and found out it was registered to Carlisle Cullen," he said slowly. "Bella, this is the car that Edward used to drive when he first moved in with the Cullen's….It's also the same car that was involved in your mother's accident."

I scrunched my brows, but otherwise had no idea what to think about that. "I don't understand, you said this was the car you found at the accident up there the other day? How could it be the same car?"

Edward never said what happened to that car, but I sure as hell never saw him drive it again. What the hell was going on?

"We don't have any answers right now. I spoke to Carlisle the other day, and he claimed this car was stolen from his shed some time when they were living in Alaska."

"They kept it after the first accident?" I asked slowly.

"We had it checked out at that time, and since we never found anything that would prove he was at fault in the accident we never took the car from them…but this is definitely the same car."

"And it just showed up there this week…At the same place my mom died?" I asked anxiously.

"Okay, just calm down," Charlie said, sensing that I was starting to panic. "I don't want to upset you; I was planning to protect you from all of this shit by keeping you far away from it, but you have to understand… Edward…he's no good for you."

I shook my head. "He had nothing to do with this. If the car went missing while the Cullens were in Alaska, then he was either with them or in Seattle at school."

"And that's what Carlisle said, but the truth is we just don't know. If he was in Seattle then he could have easily come here at some point and done it."

I huffed. "And why would he? Why would anyone steal a car from someone's shed, and then abandon it in the same place that it was involved in a traumatic accident almost three years before? It just doesn't make sense."

"Bella, I'm not saying I believe he is behind this, I don't even know what _this _is, but…it's obviously about him. His car, the accident he was in, and it just coincidentally appears the moment he gets back in town…Something is very wrong here."

"Have you asked him about it? Does he even know any of this is happening?" I asked, getting even more upset that Edward didn't confide in me if he did know.

"We've only spoken to Carlisle so far…I didn't even know Edward was in town, but I'm sure they will be speaking to him next. The verification that the VIN number matched only came in yesterday, so this is all just going down right now. _It's the most horrible time to be retiring_," he grumbled at the end.

"Dad, I don't get any of this, but I do know Edward had no part in it," I said slowly.

"Even so, trouble seems to follow him, and that's something you don't need in your life."

My chest tightened – He was right about Edward and trouble, I was starting to worry he was a magnet for it.

I bit my lower lip. "I may not need trouble in my life…but I do need Edward. I love him, and I'm going to stand by him…no matter how hard it gets."

Charlie huffed. "Well I can't just stand by and watch you go down a dark path with that kid again."

"I went down that dark path because I lost him," I said doubtlessly. "I know it makes me sound weak and maybe even a little pathetic, but being with him makes me feel stronger, and I know we can handle whatever this is if we just stick together."

My dad stared at me for a moment, and then he nodded. "Look, I don't like him… Hell, I don't know him so I guess that's an unfair assessment, but… I do know that love is the strongest emotion humans are capable of, so it would make sense that you feel stronger with him if that's how you truly feel."

_Uh…_

I never expected words of support from my dad so quickly, but I'd definitely take them - _They were words of support, right? I didn't just imagine that, did I?_

I smiled. "So…you trust my judgment when it comes to Edward?"

He took a deep breath. "I really wish you could have made a clean break from all that crap that happened to you, but…I can see that you care about him, and I'm not going to get in the way of that… But if he hurts you again, so help me god…"

"He's not," I said confidently. "I don't know what's going on with all of this," I said pointing to the car. "But he didn't do anything wrong."

"I trust you…so I'll trust him. Unfortunately, I'm not on this case anymore, so I have no idea what's going to happen there."

I nodded. "I understand. Thanks dad," I said emotionally before giving him a hug. I knew he'd accept Edward eventually, _he'd have to_, but I never thought he'd be that supportive. Despite the new drama unfolding around us, I was so grateful that I'd have the two men I loved the most in my corner. I was positive that it didn't matter what the world threw at me from then on out, as long as I had Edward and Charlie, nothing could really hurt me….


	30. Tested

Chapter 30 – Tested

Now that Charlie was in the know and was being supportive, I was anxious and excited to see how my two favorite men were going to interact. Of course, my expectations never seemed to match with reality…

"The way I see it, I can shoot you now and have my daughter never forgive me, or I can wait until you break her heart again, and then shoot you with her blessing," Charlie said straight-faced to Edward the moment we got back. There was no greeting, my dad just went right into threaten mode; it was almost comical.

Edward smiled. "How about we go for the second one, and we can all be glad that you'll never have to shoot me," Edward told him confidently, though there was a trace of humorous fear in his eyes .

I nearly squealed when I saw them shake hands, but my beautiful moment was immediately dampened.

"What? You're just okay with this?" Jake spat incredulously. "Charlie, you can't be serious?"

My dad huffed, and then turned to Jacob. "Listen, kid…I know you've been through a lot; in fact, I bet you feel like the world is constantly caving in on you with everything you've been through these past few years, but it's time for you to move on."

"Move on? Charlie that prick is going to fuck her up again. How could you allow that?" Jake argued.

"She's an adult."

"She's not right in the head," Jake rebutted.

"Okay, that's enough!" Charlie yelled at him. "I'm sorry that you are heartbroken, but you need to stop speaking about her like that. She went to that hospital willingly. She got herself help, and she has continued to strive to be focused ever since. I trust her decision, and if you can't then you need to just stay away from her."

Jake threw his hands in the air. "I can't believe this."

"Well son, maybe that's your problem. Maybe it's time you get yourself some emotional help as well. You lost a lot, and you probably never dealt with any of it…"

Charlie took Jake to the side and continued to try to talk to him about getting therapy, and I had to admit, I was grateful. I wasn't in love with Jake, but I did care, and the poor guy had no one left to watch out for him the way I had my dad and now Edward and the Cullens. Everyone needed someone in their corner, and I didn't have a doubt that my dad would make sure he was taken care of.

By the time everything settled down the party was pretty much over, so Edward and I went back to the Cullen's. For the next hour or so I pretty much talked his ear off and told him absolutely everything that happened that day. From the annoyingly nosey party guests, to my dad's reaction to the news of us dating, and finally I told him about the car - which he was shocked and mortified by…

"Why the hell would your dad take you there to see that?" he asked, concerned about my mental state first and foremost.

"I think…I think he wanted to shock me into opening my eyes about the kind of trouble that seems to follow you," I said carefully. "I probably wouldn't have believed him or even listened if he didn't show me that."

Edward got quiet, and I immediately regretted saying what I did.

"But…whatever trouble does follow you, we'll handle it together," I tried assuring him.

"He's absolutely right," Edward said with a sigh. "God, what the hell is wrong with me? I honestly don't know why this keeps happening. I mean, I've done a lot of shit in my life, but seriously…I'm so fucking tired of constantly having to fight and defend myself."

"I know," I cooed while pulling him into me and rubbing his back gently.

But he didn't want to be comforted right then, so he pulled back. "Bella, what kind of selfish prick would I be if I let you handle this with me?" he said frustrated. "If I was a better man I'd end things with you, just to protect you from all the shit that constantly comes at me."

"No, running away from me would make you a coward," I said strongly. "We have to stay together. We have to always support each other because it's the only way we're going to survive anything."

He smiled half-heartedly. "No, I'm pretty sure a better man would save you by leaving you in peace…God, I'm so grateful that I'm not a better man," he said while basically collapsing over me, causing us both to fall onto his bed. He didn't move, or kiss me, or even talk anymore, he just laid there on top of me and we stayed like that for a good long twenty minutes. It was actually really nice; a part of me wanted to lay there and be squished by him forever.

Edward later told me that he did know about the car being stolen from the shed, but assured me that no one had told him where it ended up otherwise he certainly would have let me know, but I could tell he was worried about it. So for the next two days Edward accompanied me to my house to spend time with Charlie. Oddly enough, despite their vastly different personalities, Edward and my dad got along fairly well. I honestly couldn't have asked for a better outcome with them, and I was beyond relieved. But of course the peace was short lived…

I should have known it was better to stay together, but one morning I headed back to Charlie's house alone while Edward helped Emmett work on his jeep, and that was when we realized just how big of a problem we had…

I pulled into my driveway, and as I walked towards the front door I saw an odd looking shadow so I instinctually turned to see what was causing it, and I immediately started screaming…

"What? Bella, what's wrong?" my dad shouted as he came running out of the house. All I could do was point towards the tree…where a mannequin was hanging from the branch by a noose around its neck.

"What the hell?" Charlie asked with a mix of confusion and anger.

"Why would someone do that?" I cried.

"I don't know, but it's harassment and I'm calling the station to report this."

"Dad!" I screamed again after I noticed something. When I first saw it, I immediately looked away, but after taking another look I became even more horrified. "It's Renesmee!"

"What?" he asked, not understanding.

"It's…It's Renesmee," I said in a panic. "Edward and I made her together senior year."

"You two made that?" he asked. "Well, where the hell has it been since then?"

I swallowed roughly. "Edward's dorm room in Seattle."

"Fine, I need to go talk to his roommate about this."

I shook my head slowly, suddenly feeling numb. "He doesn't have one, and I know he locked the door when we left."

Charlie was quiet for a moment, and I knew exactly what he was thinking. "Damn, that kid," he mumbled under his breath. He turned to go back into the house, and then came right back out with his car keys.

"Where are you going?" I asked robotically.

"I'm going to go kill that fucker…or at least beat his ass and then throw him in a jail cell."

My heart jumped. "Dad, Edward didn't do this," I said with a little less confidence than I intended. "I was with him all night, he couldn't have."

"He could have left while you were sleeping," Charlie argued. "Or he had someone else do it - _Gah,_ _I knew something like this would happen._"

"But why would he do this?" I asked, hoping for some kind of reasonable explanation to jump into my head.

"I don't know, to make you crazy. Maybe this is still part of his payback scheme. Maybe he's been planning it all along. Waiting for you to build your life back up just so he can tear it down. Who the hell knows what goes on in lunatic's minds, but I'm not going to stand for it."

"Dad, Edward isn't responsible for this."

"Then who?" Charlie snapped back. "You said so yourself - no one else had access to his room where this thing was supposed to be."

"I don't know…But Edward loves me. He wouldn't try to hurt me like this," I said in denial.

"Between the car and this, I can't see any other possible culprit," Charlie said, becoming remorseful. "I'm sorry baby. I know this is the last thing you expected from him."

Charlie started walking to his car, but I called after him. "Dad, no! Someone is setting him up. I don't know how or why, but someone is doing this to us." Then an idea popped into my mind. "It's Jacob. He must have gone to Seattle and broken into Edward's dorm room. He's jealous and pissed, and he's trying to set him up again to tear us apart."

Charlie sighed. "Sweetheart, we found that mangled car way before Jake even knew Edward was back in town and dating you. And I can't imagine how he would even find Edward's dorm room, let alone break into it. Jacob has serious issues, but he's not even in a well enough frame of mind to come up with something like this."

I nodded. "Probably not, but if not him, then someone else with a vendetta against Edward is behind this."

"Well, if he's not behind it, then I can promise you that I'm sure as hell going to figure out who is. But first things first, I'm going to report this and then have someone at the station accompany me to question him. In the meantime, I need you to promise me that you're not going to contact him. Stay here, and don't call or text him. Just wait until the police do their job and make sure he's safe."

I bit my bottom lip. "I need to talk to him," I whispered desperately. "I already know he is innocent, but I need to hear him say it for myself. I just…I'm freaking out right now and he's the only one who can make me feel better," I said with tears streaming down my face. If anything was going to test my confidence in us as a couple, it was this. But no matter how much evidence got stacked against him, I knew I could never turn my back on him. When you love someone the way I loved Edward, there was no going back.

"Okay," Charlie murmured. "But I'm going to drive you there, and I'm not going to leave you two alone for a second."


	31. Reassurance

Chapter 31 – Reassurance

I was ninety five percent sure Edward was innocent, but when Charlie and I pulled up to the Cullen house, and I saw Edward pop his head up from Emmett's jeep engine, my five percent doubt immediately faded completely. His adoring smile and sequential concerned frown said it all, and I knew I'd never waver on my belief in him again.

The moment the car stopped, I practically jumped out and ran to his waiting arms.

"What's wrong?" he asked fiercely; as if he was ready to jump in front of a bullet for me if necessary. "What happened?"

I just held him tighter. "Someone hung Renesmee," I cried into his shoulder.

"What?" Edward asked confused. "I don't understand; what do you mean?"

I was acting like a broken little girl again, and that was unacceptable so I took a deep breath and found the will to pull back enough to explain everything.

Needless to say, Edward was shocked. He looked over at Charlie, and then back at me. "You know I had nothing to do with this, right?"

"Of course," I said confidently.

"Well…no offense or anything, but…why is your dad here if you know I'm innocent?" he asked slowly.

"I insisted on coming," Charlie spoke up and covered for me. "She may be sure about you, but I'm not ashamed to admit that I still have my concerns. To be honest with you, there just hasn't been enough time for me to fully trust you with my daughter just yet. And even you have to admit, all of the evidence points to you."

Edward sighed. "I suppose so, and I do understand that trust takes time and work. But I swear to you, Mr. Swan, I wouldn't hurt Bella like that - I didn't do anything with that car, and I'd never mess around with Renesmee. Actually, I'm quite upset about it. Apart from the obvious threat against us, I love that thing - I don't even know how a clay statue could be hung from a tree without it breaking. It almost broke when I moved it to my dorm room…. _Gah, what the hell is going on!"_ he said frustrated.

"Do you have any ideas, any thoughts at all as to who would want to harass you like this?" Charlie asked, suddenly shifting into cop mode.

Edward shook his head. "Not really. I mean, I can think of a few people who strongly dislike me, but to do something like this…"

"Okay, let's start with the people who dislike you," Charlie suggested.

"Obviously Jacob Black…And then there's Professor Aarons, and well…the entire football team from our senior year at Forks. Oh, there's also this jerk from my economic class at SPU."

Charlie huffed. "Okay, well I'm going to have someone talk to Jacob and the professor…Anyone else you can think of?"

"No…But I guess it would have to be someone who knows enough about my past to come up with the whole car thing, and the statue for that matter. And it must be someone who is upset by my relationship with Bella because both things are connected to her as well…. _So I think its Jacob_," Edward said, though there was a touch of humor in his voice.

"I just can't see that kid going all the way to Seattle," Charlie said, mostly to himself.

"Holy shit!" Edward shouted abruptly, making me jump. "I know who it is."

"Who?" I asked anxiously.

"I don't know why I didn't think about him sooner. It's James!"

"James? You're old friend?" I asked confused.

"Well…he was more of one of those shady types of 'friends' then an actual _friend_ friend, but yeah."

"Okay, now why do you think this guy is behind everything?" Charlie asked with a mix of disbelief and curiosity.

"I saw him," Edward replied unexpectedly, "in Seattle. I was heading across campus to Bella's room, and I saw him. He walked past me and he was with some woman with bright red hair. I couldn't see her face, but I saw his. I turned to look at him again, because I wasn't sure it was him or not, and then they disappeared into a crowd so I shrugged it away and figured it wasn't him… I mean, James isn't exactly the college type of guy, so…" He shrugged.

My dad shot him a frustrated look. "So you think this guy is behind all of this because you may or may not have seen him walking through campus?"

"But then," Edward continued, "Emmett said he also saw him drive by here a couple days ago. Em was out here working on his jeep, and the car drove by slowly so Em looked up and saw him. This house is way out in the boonies, so why would James just drive by for no reason? Em waved at him, but then the car sped away. He said he may have had someone with him in the car, but he couldn't be sure. I didn't put the two together until just now but it's obvious - James went to school, and broke into my room, and stole Renesmee, then he came here looking to do some other shit but was seen so he changed his mind."

"He does know our history, doesn't he?" I said quietly.

"Unfortunately. He knew about the accident, and Renesmee, and he also knew I was going to SPU. It's gotta be him."

"But what would his motive be?" Charlie asked, wavering between believing him and still being skeptical.

"I don't know," Edward answered. "James would do anything for money; maybe he's planning to set me up for something and then blackmail me. Maybe he's just pissed because I refused to give him any money before so he's trying to ruin my life. Maybe he's just fucking psycho. It could be anything, but I'm fairly certain he's behind it. It's the only thing that makes any sense."

"Okay, I'll have the guys at the station put out an APB and bring him in for questioning," Charlie told him. "If he is behind it he's going to be stopped, and if he isn't then we'll know to look in another direction. Either way I think it's best to talk to your family about all this so they know to be careful. Who knows what this guy will try next."

Edward nodded, and then he pulled me back into him and dropped his head onto my shoulder. "I'm so sorry this shit is happening," he mumbled. "The last thing I wanted to do was bring more misery and stress into your life."

I smiled and massaged his neck. "It's not your fault, and I'm sure we can handle it. Besides, this is worth it," I assured him while kissing his hair.

"I doubt your dad thinks so," he said as we both looked over at Charlie heading towards the house to speak to Carlisle and Esme. "And I hate laying this crap on the Cullens too. I doubt they would have ever taken me in if they knew this shit would happen."

"Oh stop. They love you and will always stand by you, just like me," I said confidently.

"Be honest, you doubted my innocence," he said with a knowing smirk.

"No I…" I took a deep breath. "Okay, I did…_fractionally_, only because I couldn't fathom how anyone else would have access to Renesmee."

"It's okay," he said understandingly. "You can't help how you feel. Eventually though, eventually I'll earn your complete trust."

"I do trust you completely," I argued. "I just…I had a weak moment."

He smiled and cradled my face in his hands gently. "Then we're going to have to work on making you stronger."

"I already am stronger, thanks to you," I cooed.

"Oh, for crying out loud! Get a fucking room," Emmett shouted at us from the underside of his jeep. I didn't even know he was there. "I never heard anything so cheesy in my life," he said while rolling out, and then getting up and storming off towards the house.

"I love you!" Edward shouted after him, making me giggle.

"Me too!" I added. "You're my hero Emmett!"

Emmett paused at the house porch, and then looked back and smiled widely at us.

"Oh, you took it one step too far, and now you've gone and blown up his fucking head," Edward grumbled playfully.

"Don't worry little brother!" Em shouted. "I'll take care of your stalker for you!"

"Great," Edward said while rolling his eyes. "And I'm sure he will too. If anyone can track someone down its Emmett."

"Well good…that is unless this guy is really dangerous," I said, suddenly concerned again.

"James is a lot of bark and not a lot of bite. I'm not too worried, but it's been a couple years since I've interacted with him so who knows how he is now. Just to be safe I think we should stick together until we go back to school. I should have never let you go to Charlie's alone this morning; I really don't know what I was thinking."

"Oh come on, how were you supposed to know this would happen? We can't be joined at the hip every second of every day."

"True, but that car thing alone should have been enough for me to realize things were about to get worse. I just really can't believe this shit is happening. As if we haven't been through enough already."

I wrapped my arms back around him. "Let's see…The crap in high school tore us apart, and I pretty much ran from that Professor Aarons drama…maybe this latest mess is the universe's way of testing our strength together. Once we make it through this, I doubt there will be anything we can't overcome."

"God, I hope you're right," he said somberly. "I'm glad you're so optimistic because I really don't think I would have handled this very well without you."

"I love you," I whispered.

"I love you too," he replied tenderly. "It's the only thing I'm sure of anymore."


	32. The Last Thing

*****A/N:** I'm sure this chapter will upset some people. Just remember what the title of the story is ;)  
The conclusion is coming, only a few chapters left.

* * *

Chapter 32 – The Last Thing

After a long discussion with the entire Cullen clan, my dad felt better and decided to trust Edward…_well, as much as any father could trust the guy dating his daughter_. They all reassured him that Edward was being honest about everything, and that was the most he could hope for.

Charlie contacted the police department about everything, and then there was nothing really left to do but wait and try to enjoy the last few days we had left of our vacation. Emmett decided to make his own investigation and spent some time trying to find James himself, but other than that we tried not to think about it too much. Of course, Edward was extremely protective and pretty much hovered over me every minute, not that I was complaining. It seemed James or whoever was lashing out at me to get to him, and there was no way he was going to let that happen again.

And after the evidence team took pictures, we had Renesmee removed from the tree and thankfully she wasn't completely damaged; although the wear around the neck would always be a painful reminder of this latest attack, but for once Edward was the optimistic one – "Scars are nothing more than memories of the battles we've survived" – he had told me. And he was right; what doesn't kill us can only make us stronger, and every day we proved that.

By the time the weekend came back around, we were starting to think James wasn't going to resurface again while we were in town, but then there was a breakthrough of the most unexpected kind…

Charlie was breaking his retirement and spending some time at the station, so Edward and I decided to head back to the Cullen's place, but a couple hours later Charlie showed up there to talk to us, and all the Cullens were there to listen.

"We've caught James, and he did confess to being behind the car, as well as everything with the statue…But he wouldn't give a reason."

"Okay?" Edward said, unsure how to respond to that. I felt the same way.

"Why don't you let me go talk to him," Emmett suggested in his 'tough guy' tone. "I'll get his motive out of him."

Charlie ignored him. "We also brought in the redhead he's been seen with. She was even less cooperative than James; she had no ID on her, and her fingerprints didn't match anyone in the system. She claims her name is Victoria, but we have our doubts she's being honest about that. Do you know anyone named Victoria?" he asked Edward. "Maybe from Chicago?"

Edward shook his head. "She's probably just some chick James picked up somewhere."

"We know nothing about her - not her real name, or age, or where she came from, but we have reason to believe that you _do _have a history with her, which may or may not explain why they targeted you and Bella."

Edward's obvious confusion only doubled. "I don't know what you mean."

"The two were discovered at a park…and they had a child with them," Charlie explained slowly. "The little boy looked to be about four or five…and he bears a striking resemblance to you."

Suddenly it felt like all the air was sucked out of the room, but Edward just shrugged. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"Wait, are you saying this child could be Edward's?" Esme asked Charlie.

"My what?" Edward asked, seeming legitimately clueless, as if he couldn't fathom what my dad was saying.

"Your child," Charlie clarified.

Edward's face distorted into disgust, but before he could say anything else, Carlisle jumped in. "Has the department ordered a DNA test?"

"Yes, they're testing the woman and the child to make sure they're related, but I do think Edward should be tested as well. I'm not lying when I say that the child is the spitting image of him…just smaller."

"It's all bullshit!" Edward spat. "I don't have a fucking kid. Five years old? Five years ago I was fifteen, and living in Chicago; I know I did a lot of stupid shit back then, but unprotected sex with random chicks was not one of them."

"At what point did you lose your virginity?" Carlisle asked, sounding way too much like a doctor again.

Edward huffed. "Oh no, that's not an embarrassing question at all," he said sarcastically. "I have no problem discussing it in front of my entire family, and my girlfriend and her father."

"Just answer the question, Edward," Esme insisted.

He glanced at me, but when my eyes met his he quickly looked away. "Fourteen," he admitted. "But it wasn't with some red headed chick. I never slept with anyone with red hair."

"She could have dyed her hair," Rosalie offered.

"Shut up, Rose," Em hissed at her.

Edward gritted his teeth, but then reluctantly decided to continue. "Her name was Rebecca, or something. I had a few other girlfriends before I came to Forks, but I really can't imagine any of them would do something like this, and I sure as hell never had sex without condoms."

"Look, I wasn't supposed to do this, but…" Charlie took out his cell phone. "I did take a picture of the kid," he said while pulling it up and then handing Edward the phone. Since I was sitting with him I could clearly see the picture as well, and I was absolutely shocked. Charlie was right; everything from the kid's hair to eyes, even the shape of his face was just like Edward.

My stomach twisted painfully, but Edward was still in denial. "This kid doesn't look like me. He just looks like a kid. Every third kid in the fucking world looks like this."

"Edward," I murmured. "What if this is your son?"

"He's not. This is ridiculous," he said while getting up and heading for the door.

"Where are you going?" I asked him anxiously.

"To the police station. I'm going to see who this bitch is, and make her admit the kid aint mine."

"I'll come with you," Emmett volunteered.

"You can't go just yet. There is a process and she's still in the middle of it," Charlie told him. "Listen, I'll give you a call in a couple hours, and then you can come down and try to ID her."

"Fine," Edward fumed. "And I'll prove he isn't my kid."

Charlie went back to the station, and the Cullens gave us some space by dispersing, but being with Edward alone right then was probably the most awkward few moments that we had ever spent together.

"None of this is true," Edward tried assuring me. "I don't know why this shit is happening, but it's not true. I don't have a kid."

I bit my bottom lip. "But it is possible," I said quietly. "Edward…this is a really big deal. I mean, being a parent is a life altering thing. And if his mother is arrested for harassment, or whatever, this little boy may not have anywhere else to go. If you are his father, you need to take responsibility for him."

He shook his head. "I'm not anyone's father. It doesn't even make sense. If the kid was mine, why would James and this woman harass you because of it? Why the car, and breaking into my dorm, and hanging Renesmee? None of it makes fucking sense."

"Maybe she finally tracked you down to tell you about the boy, but she saw us together and got jealous?" I said hesitantly.

"No…How would she even get together with James in the first place? And what the hell does he have to gain from any of it?"

"I'm sure we'll figure it all out now that they're in police custody," I told him.

"Bella…I know I've said this a lot lately, but…I am so sorry for all this shit I brought into your life. God, I don't even know why you're still with me."

"Because I love you," I told him sincerely.

He shook his head again, and stared past me. "I just don't get it. I don't see how it could be possible…_but that kid does look like me, doesn't he?"_ he said so quietly that I almost couldn't understand him.

"Yeah, he does."

Suddenly he exploded. "This isn't fucking fair! I never did anything to deserve this shit. I screwed up in the past, but I've done nothing but try to straighten my life out since then. I should have known something like this was going to happen. Things got too fucking good, and I'm not that lucky. Now what the hell am I supposed to do? I'll have to drop out of school and get some shitty job, and the Cullens are probably freaking, and you…you're going to leave me, aren't you?"

"Why would I leave you? None of this changes the way I feel about you."

"It changes everything! You certainly don't need to be dating someone with so much baggage…_A fucking kid; what the hell am I supposed to do with a fucking kid?_"

"You're going to do the right thing and take care of him," I told him confidently.

"Do you want to know what the worst part of this whole thing is?" he asked, forcing himself to calm back down . "When you…when you had that breakdown, and you wanted to get pregnant…that was the first time I ever pictured myself as a parent. It was only a brief moment, but there was a part of me that regretted not taking you up on it. I thought, maybe you were right. Maybe if we had a baby we'd just…find a way to make it work and stay together. Bella, I was just as fucked up as you were, and to this day I still don't know how I managed to turn you down and call your dad. Ever since then though, I thought…maybe someday. Maybe someday we would have kids together, but…this is definitely not what I wanted. I don't want a kid with anyone else."

"I guess sometimes life doesn't ask what we want. But Edward, just because you may have a child already, that doesn't mean that we can't have one together in the future. Nothing we have been though so far has made me want to run, and this certainly doesn't either. Look, I don't know how we would handle everything, but I do know we'd figure it all out. If he is your son, it may be difficult initially, but I'm sure having him in our lives would only bring us closer. A kid is nothing but love Edward, and maybe you can't see that right now because you don't know him, but… if he's yours, you are going to love him more than anything. A year from now I bet you won't even be able to imagine your life without him."

He stared at me for a moment. "I can't imagine my life without you."

"Well, you don't have to. One way or another, we will be a family someday. I don't have a doubt."

Edward was still freaking out and I didn't blame him, it was a scary thing, but I knew we'd get through it together, just like we got through everything else. We weren't at a place in our lives or our relationship to bring a child into it, but the way I saw it, it really wasn't any difference than a surprise pregnancy. We'd make it work. If the DNA test proved Edward was the child's father, he'd step up and take responsibility, and I'd support him every step of the way….


	33. Facing the Past

Chapter 33 – Facing the Past

It was two of the longest hours we had ever spent together. Edward was a nervous wreck and hardly sat still, and even though I'd never admit it to him, I felt almost as anxious. I loved Edward and I didn't have a doubt that I would love his son as well, but the truth was it was upsetting. It may have been a selfish irrational emotion, but I wanted to be the one to bring his first child into the world. – I pushed away that thought as best I could, and tried to focus on nothing but supporting Edward.

Finally we got the call from Charlie to head down to the station.

"Are you ready?" I asked Edward gently.

"I just want to get this all straightened out," he said with an unsteady voice.

He was silent as we drove there, but the tension was palpable so I placed my hand on his and tried to pour my love into that connection. "It's going to be okay," I tried assuring both of us.

He flipped his hand over so he could intertwine his fingers with mine. "I know," he said with an unexpected level of confidence. "I love you."

I smiled at him. "I love you too."

"So here's how this is going to work," Charlie explained when we arrived at the station. "Victoria is sitting in the interrogating room, and you'll go into the observation room and see if you can identify her. If you do know her, you can then go inside to speak to her if you wish. Now, she won't be able to see you through the observation window, so if you don't want for her to ever know you're here that's entirely possible. We're just mainly looking for an ID so we can properly book her."

Edward nodded, and then we followed my dad to the observation room.

"Now Bella, you may want to wait out front," Charlie suggested.

I looked to Edward. "Do you want me to?"

He scrunched his face as if he was appalled I'd even ask such a thing. "No…Unless you're uncomfortable."

"I'm not if you're not."

"This entire thing is uncomfortable, but if you can handle it then I want you with me."

I squeezed his hand supportively. "This woman terrorized both of us, I'd like to get a good look at her just in case she gets out of here and I need to keep on the lookout for her."

"Ready?" Charlie asked us. Edward and I nodded to each other, but no matter how ready we thought we were, I suppose actually facing the truth was much harder than Edward anticipated. The moment we stepped into the room, and he got a good clear look at the redheaded woman who had been stalking us, he unexpectedly freaked…

"Edward's what's wrong?" I asked as he practically bolted from the room.

I started to chase after him, but Charlie caught my arm. "Why don't you give him a minute to calm down?"

"What if he needs me?" I argued.

"I think he would have pulled you out with him…Just give him a few minutes, and if he doesn't come back you can go look for him."

"Okay, but…what just happened?" I asked anxiously.

"I'm fairly certain he recognized her," Charlie said gently.

I reflexively turned my head to look at the redhead, and tried to form a non-biased opinion of her. She was actually very beautiful, but there was something in her eyes that made her seem so much older than how she looked. It was obvious to me that the woman had a stressful life, but I couldn't wrap my brain around any possible motive she would have for harassing me. None of it made sense, and I wondered if it ever would. Perhaps she was just crazy, and I knew better than anyone that being crazy could make you do ridiculous things.

As Charlie predicted, Edward came back about ten minutes later, but he wasn't alone. Carlisle must have shown up and found him outside the police station, and somehow convinced him to return. I was beyond grateful.

"Are you okay?" I asked him softly, though I regretted it the moment the words left my mouth. It was a ridiculous question, obviously he wasn't ok. His face was blotchy like he had been fighting back tears, and every visible muscle in his body was tensed.

He wouldn't speak to me; he didn't even look like he could speak right then, so he just subtly shook his head no.

"Edward would like to go inside and talk to her face to face," Carlisle answered for him.

"Alright…You sure you're up to it?" Charlie asked him skeptically.

Edward nodded, so Charlie unlocked the door and let him inside. I waited in the observation room with Carlisle and my dad, and just watched with confusion as the redhead stared at Edward, then slowly stood, as if she couldn't believe he was actually there.

"I…I didn't think you'd come," she said to him in the most sickly sweet voice I could ever imagine.

Edward didn't respond at first, he just stared past her, but then he took a deep breath. "Why?" - was all he asked.

She teared up, and then shook her head. "Everything I did was for us…You have to understand that."

Edward nodded while looking down at the floor; he seemed to be looking everywhere except at her, which lead me to believe he had a very deep rooted hate for her…or maybe it was something else.

"I understand that you're fucking psycho," he said evenly. "If you wanted to get to me for - god only knows why - why didn't you just do your shit to me? Why scare the hell out of my girlfriend? She doesn't deserve that. And why James? What does he have to do with any of it?"

"I needed someone who knew you…someone who knew all the skeletons in your closet…so I could expose them."

"Expose them to whom?" Edward shouted out of frustration.

"Everyone," she admitted. "I've been watching you for a while now, and I asked around about you, and then I just happened to meet James. He was working at the garage where my car broke down…It was like fate was helping me get closer to you."

"Why harass my girlfriend?" Edward asked again, getting angrier with every word she spoke.

"Because it became clear that you were very attached to her, and I needed to separate you. I'm not stupid, Edward, I knew you'd never leave with me if you had so much tying you here. So James helped me with a few things that would freak her into breaking up with you…I'm shocked she hasn't ended it yet…Or has she?"

"It's none of your fucking business! My life is none of your business! Why do all this shit now? Why didn't you come two years ago, or four years ago, or ten years ago?" Edward asked her, only confusing me ten times more than I already was_. Ten years ago? _

"I have been looking for you for a really long time," she admitted strangely. "But every time I'd get close, those motherfuckers at social services would move you. This is the longest you've been with the same family…And this is the last place on their records that you lived…So I came here, met James, enticed him to help me, and then we went to your school and came up with a plan. Originally I was going to go after the Cullens, but then we realized that your girlfriend was a safer bet. If you were heartbroken you'd want to leave, right?"

"How did you entice James?" Edward asked, but then he waved his hand in front of his face. "No, I don't want to know. Look, everything you did was for nothing; I'm still not going anywhere with you, and now you're in jail and you lost that kid you had. Do you honestly think the system will give him back to you now? You shouldn't be anywhere near kids, which is probably why you left in the first place. You know, my dad was a shitty parent, but at least he was fucking there."

"That's funny, I heard he killed himself," she said harshly. "The things you don't know about that man would scare the shit out of you. I had to leave. He was going to kill me if I didn't."

"You could have taken me with you," Edward spat. "You were so fucking terrified of him that you left your kid alone with him? What the fuck kind of person would do that?"

"I knew he'd never stop looking for you if I took you. I didn't think he'd hurt you, but I knew he'd hurt me. Edward, I was so young, just sixteen when you were born. He was older, but I didn't have a family who cared enough to put a stop to it. I was scared, and I've regretted leaving you every day since then. I just…I wanted to fix my life so I could go back for you."

"But you didn't, did you? You just went off and got knocked up again. Who's that kid's father? Or do you even know?"

"I did what I had to do to get by…Riley was the consequence. But don't you see? Now the three of us can be a family…Like we should have always been. We have a second chance. We can go anywhere and build a brand new life together. You're too young for such a serious girlfriend anyway, and there's nothing college can teach you that will help you in the real world. We will stay strong together…and we won't let anything come between us again."

"You're fucking crazy…I mean, I know crazy when I see it, I was crazy for a while, but you…you're psychotic. In what world would the police let you go after all that shit you did, and give you that kid back, and miraculously convince me to leave my life to be with you? You tried to destroy everything I care about. You think I'd ever forgive you for that? You're delusional."

"Edward, I love you."

"Go to hell," he said to her, before turning and banging on the door to be let out of the room. After the door was securely shut behind him, Edward looked at Charlie and said – "Her name is Elizabeth Jones Masen. She's the woman who gave birth to me. Can I leave now?"

Charlie stared at him for a minute, unsure what to say to him, but he settled with nodding. "We'll take care of everything, son."

"Thanks," he said emotionlessly before reaching out for my hand, and then pulling me towards the parking lot…


	34. Decisions

Chapter 34 – Decisions

There wasn't really anything to say to Edward in those first few minutes after we left the police station. He was hurting, and the best I could do for him was just to be there and hold his hand. He needed a little time to come to terms with everything, and when he was finally ready to talk about it, I wasn't the least bit surprised that he reverted back into self-loathing.

"Actually, this all makes perfect sense," he said evenly. "I mean, it's no wonder I went crazy, it runs in my family. It's fucking genetic. It would have been a miracle if I _didn't_ go crazy. At least now we know that it was one hundred percent my fault you lost it. How could you not after dealing with me? It's fucking contagious. My innate craziness made you crazy."

"Edward, stop," I chided him gently. "My breakdown was _not _your fault. We all have to stop blaming others for our actions."

Edward thought about it for a moment, and then he smirked. "Nah, I'd rather blame my parents. Normal parents have normal kids."

I smiled and then bit my lower lip to keep myself serious. "Well, I guess you're right about that. I mean, my mother was a terrible person too, so we can just blame my stupidities on her."

Edward's smirk faded and he fell serious again as well. "Babe, your mom wasn't a terrible person. I didn't know her or anything, but just because she was having an affair, that didn't make her a bad mother...just a bad wife. You've told me plenty of great stories about her from when you were little, and I think you should just try to focus on those from now on."

I smiled somberly at him. "I thought I was supposed to be comforting you, how did it turn it into you comforting me?" I asked, echoing what he had said to me a few days before.

He shrugged. "That's what we do, right? Comfort each other."

I smiled widely then. "That's exactly what we do…and we always will."

"Always," he agreed, and then pulled me into him tightly. "I love you so much. I know there is no way I could have made it through without you…In fact, I'd probably be Elizabeth's lackey by now if it wasn't for you."

I squeezed him tighter. "Well, too bad for her that I'm not going to let any woman take you away from me…not even your mother."

"My mother would never get between us," he disagreed. "She adores you."

At first his comment confused me, but it didn't take me long to understand - He didn't consider Elizabeth his mother; he gave Esme that title, which warmed my heart. "I'm so glad the Cullens took you in. I can't imagine my life without you."

"I'm glad they took me in too, but I don't have a doubt we would have found each other regardless. There's no derailing fate."

"Wow, that's twice this week with the optimism," I said approvingly.

"Eh, maybe there's hope for me yet…Thanks to you."

"God! Get a fucking room!" Emmett shouted unexpectedly. We were in the living room of the Cullen's place, and assumed no one else was home, but I guess Em was where he usually was, in the kitchen.

Edward chuckled. "Why would we get a room when it's so much more fun to let you overhear us!" he shouted.

Emmett stormed into the living room, and headed straight for the front door. "Forget the room, go to a fucking pizza parlor, because the way I see it, that's the only type of place that could handle all the cheese you two spew at each other," he grumbled before leaving.

Edward and I just giggled. "He is right, we are pretty cheesy," he told me.

"That's okay, who doesn't love cheese?" I replied before leaning in to kiss the man I loved.

…

Our vacation was basically over, and it left us all feeling like we needed another vacation. Edward didn't visit Elizabeth in jail before we went back to school, and he had no intention of visiting her in the future. He felt no connection to her anymore, and I wondered if he ever would in the future. Regardless of everything she did to us, it made me sad knowing he'd probably never really get the type of closure which could only be achieved through forgiveness, but that was a choice he'd have to make for himself in the future.

As of now, it was time to get back to normalcy, and somehow we managed to settle right back into our school routine with ease. However, not even a week later, my dad showed up at my dorm room one evening, and said he had something important to tell Edward…

"I was actually just heading over there," I told Charlie sheepishly. I rarely spent time in my own room, he was just lucky to catch me there as I traded some of my laundry out.

Charlie understood what I meant, especially since it was close to a normal person's bedtime, so he grumbled something about using protection and why the hell he was paying for a room for me if I wasn't even going to use it, but he let it all go and chose to focus on the reason for his visit.

"You-uh, could have called," I told him as we walked through campus. "It's a long drive out here, what if I wasn't home when you stopped by."

"If you weren't there I would have gone to my hotel room and then called. What I have to say shouldn't be over the phone, and if you knew I was coming it would make you anxious and you'd end up pressuring me into telling you."

"Touché," I agreed. He actually did know me pretty well. "So, how's Sue?" I asked, trying to make small talk.

"Good," he replied, which was followed by another awkward silence. I loved my father to death, but holding an actual conversation with the man was a difficult thing to accomplish.

"Okay…Here we are," I said as we arrived at Edward's room. I never usually knocked, but I decided it would be enough of a head's up that I wasn't alone, just in case he wasn't dressed properly or something.

"Babe? What are you - Hey, Mr. Swan," Edward said when he saw who was with me. He looked around at the room and quickly grabbed one of my bras that was lying on the tiny bed we shared, and then he threw it across the room on a pile of his dirty clothes. - _I honestly wished he'd just let me do his laundry; he always let it pile too high._

Charlie cleared his throat uncomfortably. "Is there somewhere else we can…talk?" he asked as he took a quick undesirable look around at our mess - _well, mostly Edward's mess that he refused to let me help clean._

"Oh…uh, sure," Edward said while grabbing his shoes. - _God, I loved him barefoot._

When Edward was decent enough in his sweats, t shirt, and tennis shoes, the three of us went to the lit quad area, where few people frequented at that hour. We sat at one of the picnic tables, and Charlie sat across from us, scaring us shitless by the tension and all around surprise appearance.

"Just spit it out," Edward told him, not wanting the suspense of his news to create any more stress than necessary.

Charlie huffed. "Turns out Elizabeth, or Victoria which she's gone by for a while now, has been harassing people for quite a long time. We've linked her to several instances of vandalism, harassment, even physical assault. And the only way we've been able to tie her to any of it, is because all of the victims have been people connected to you in some way. Your past foster parents, social workers who handled your case, even people who worked at the boy's home you were at for a time. She actually found out you were in Forks because she terrified a particular caseworker until she gave her that information."

"Why wasn't she arrested sooner?" I asked confused.

"They could never catch her, and they never even thought to link the crimes together," Charlie explained.

"So…you're saying she's going to be in jail for a long time?" Edward asked with a sense of relief that I wasn't expecting. I knew he hated her, but I guess I didn't realize just how worried he actually was about her getting released.

"Yes. She hasn't been convicted or sentenced yet, but everyone is confident she won't be able to get out for a while."

"Dad, you could have told us that over the phone," I told him confused.

"Well….the issue isn't Elizabeth exactly…it's her son Riley. They can't find a father, and there's no other family he can live with."

"Sucks to be a ward of the state," Edward said coldly.

"Edward," I chided him.

"What?" he asked bitterly. "Look, I get it; you came all the way out here to tell me about this, because you're hoping I'd take responsibility for the kid. But guess what, I don't want to. It was bad enough when everyone thought he was mine, but it's not my job to take care of that bitch's mistakes."

"Edward!" I chided him stronger. "He's an innocent little boy."

"Yeah, and at his age I was having cigarettes put out on me. Things could be worse than staying with a family member."

"Edward, he's your brother," I said to him. "If you could spare him the hell you went through, how could you not?"

He stared at me for a moment, and then he sighed. "You're right…but I'm in no place to care for a kid…a kid that's not even mine. How would I even do it? I'd have to drop out of school and get a job, and that's bullshit! Why should I have to give up my life for something I had nothing to do with?"

As heartless as Edward sounded, I understood where he was coming from. His mother had done nothing but try to ruin his life, and the child was just one more thing that would make him struggle.

"None of this is fair," I told Edward gently. "But that little boy needs someone to take care of him. He didn't ask for that woman as a mother any more than you did. And I know there are good foster homes out there, but are you really willing to risk it with your brother when you could care for him yourself? Remember what I said before? Life doesn't ask what we want…but we need to stick together and make it work. I honestly think that if you don't help him, someday you're going to hate yourself for it. You think hurting me was the worst mistake of your life - well, if you turn your back on Riley, you'll be topping it."

Edward was quiet, and then he sighed. "Can I just…think about it for a little while?" he asked my dad.

Charlie nodded. "Of course. But social services is going to need an answer from you soon, otherwise Riley will be moved and placed in a more long term foster home."

"Fine. Thanks for letting me know," Edward said.

We made plans to meet for lunch the next day, and then Charlie went to his hotel room and Edward and I went back to his dorm.

"I'm sorry," I told him quietly as I sat on the bed and watched him absently remove his shoes. "I didn't mean to jump on you like that back there."

He looked at me and smiled crookedly. "I don't remember any jumping. Although highly inappropriate in front of your dad, I would have loved for you to jump on me."

I rolled my eyes and then threw a pillow at him. "We can make this work, you know. We could rent a little two bedroom apartment…get jobs…just, jump right into the whole family thing."

He shook his head. "There's no way I'm letting you quit school. I don't even want to quit school, but…."

"Then don't quit," I cut him off. "We can both stay in school, but maybe just lessen our loads so we can get jobs. The school does have a really cheap daycare…and programs that can help us financially. It's going to be hard and take longer to graduate, but in the long run I think we'll both be happy we did it."

"Or the stress of it all will tear us apart," he argued.

I huffed. "With everything we've been through, do you really think we can't handle some real world stress?"

"But our problems have been _our_ problems. This kid has nothing to do with you. He's _my_ problem, and it's not fair to you…"

"I love you," I cut him off again. "I want to spend my life with you, so your problems are my problems too. And this kid isn't a problem anyway…he's family."

Edward stared at the floor, and then laughed once through his nose. "I really don't know why I keep flipping out over shit like this. You refuse to let us fail at anything, so what the hell am I so worried about?"

"Oh there is plenty to worry about. But we'll get through it together, just like we always do."

…

So that weekend Edward and I signed a renter's agreement for the most affordable two bedroom apartment we could find in Seattle on such short notice. Angela was like our guardian angel and gave us her kid brother's bedroom set that he just outgrew, and other friends thankfully gave us other various items to fill our new home with. It was definitely a whirlwind, but it was also exciting to be officially moving in together - No more going between our rooms, and I was thrilled to not have to share a bathroom with strangers anymore.

But before we even had a chance to enjoy our new place, we had to go to Forks to pick up Riley…

"Are you as nervous as I am?" Edward asked as he drove us there in our newly leased car.

"Definitely. I know nothing about kids…I just hope we don't forget him at daycare or something. Wait, he is potty trained, right?"

"God, I hope so…but considering how he lived so far, who knows."

"I don't know how to change diapers," I said slowly.

"Especially big, five year old diapers," Edward added. "What if the kid screams all night…or turns the gas on the stove and then tries to light a match to kill us in our sleep. Kids with wacko upbringings have been known to do shit like that."

I pressed my lips and tried not to smile. "What if we wake up and he's just hovering over us, staring," I joked.

"Oh fuck…I really don't think we've thought this through well enough," he said anxiously.

I just giggled. "Oh, it's all going to be fine, you'll see."

"You know, it may sound really screwed up, but…I already like this kid more knowing he's not mine. I mean, it doesn't really make a difference because I have to take care of him anyway, but…I don't know, I'm just glad I never procreated with some random chick. That would have really fucked me up."

"I understand what you're saying, but I know you would have loved your son too," I argued lightly.

"Well, thankfully we don't have to ever know that for sure. The only kids I'll ever father are the ones that come out of your vagina."

I stared at him in shock for a moment, and then I busted out laughing. "I really hope I'll never need a C-section," I said through my hysterics.

"If you do, I'm making Carlisle scrub in. There's no way I'd let just anyone cut you open," he said seriously. "Maybe we should just never have kids. Too much of a risk."

I rolled my eyes, but decided not to play into his illogical insecurities right then; we had more immediate things to worry about...

We pulled into Forks a couple hours later, but no matter how much joking or faked confidence I put out there, I was actually nervous as hell. What if we couldn't make it work? What if we really weren't ready? There was so much Edward and I had wanted to do, both personally and together, before settling into parenting life, and I had to wonder if we'd ever achieve any of it now. Of course, I wanted nothing more than to have a family with Edward, I only wished we could wait a few years until we were actually ready.

But life rarely waited for people to be ready, and our lives were about to get a whole lot busier…

We arranged for social services to bring Riley to the Cullen's house, so that's where we headed. When we arrived we both just sat in the car and tried to contain our nerves.

"We should probably go inside before they get here… It may not be the best thing for them to see us just sitting here like this," I suggested.

"Do you think they'd deny us custody?" Edward asked almost hopefully.

"Considering the fact that they okayed Riley living with someone who's been in a psych-ward, I think there's not much that will make them change their minds about the placement. You're his only family…It's us or the system."

"Fuck," he breathed.

So finally we forced ourselves out of the car, but when we got into the house we were surprised to see both Carlisle and Esme inside waiting for us.

"Hey, I thought you'd both be working," Edward said to them.

"We were hoping to talk to you before Riley arrives."

"Okay?"

Carlisle looked to Esme, so she placed her hand gently on his and then took over the conversation. "We've been talking…And in no way do we want it to seem like we don't think you're capable of caring for your brother, but…You're both in school, and this might not be the best time for you to become parents right now."

"We can't just let him go into the system," Edward told her regretfully.

"But what if he could stay with us?" Esme asked unexpectedly, rendering Edward and me speechless. "It's just…We've always fostered older teens, and even though we've loved every moment of it, we'd kind of like to raise a child. And if he stayed here with us, you could still see him whenever you wanted, and you could just be what you're meant to be – _brothers_."

When Edward didn't respond right away, Esme got anxious. "But of course it's your decision. We'd understand completely if you were uncomfortable and wanted to keep him with you."

Edward ran his hand through his hair nervously. "So, wait…are you serious about this?"

"Of course we are, son," Carlisle assured him. "But only if it's what you want."

Edward looked at me, and I wasn't sure what kind of expression I wore but it must have been enough for him to be confident that I'd agree. "I honestly can't imagine anything better," he said, nearly in tears.

Esme didn't hold back her tears one bit as her and Edward stood at the same time to embrace each other. Carlisle and I followed their lead and stood too, and we all took turns hugging each other. It was more than just relief, it was a joyous happy time, and I was sure there couldn't have been a more perfect outcome.

A little while later a social worker arrived with Riley, and I could honestly say that he was the most beautiful little boy I had ever seen. He was Edward's mini me, and even Riley noticed the similarities…

"You look like me," he said in his little sweet voice.

"Uh…yeah, freaky huh?" Edward replied awkwardly.

Everyone just stared at each other uncomfortably, but it only lasted a moment because Esme's mommy instincts kicked right on. "Are you hungry, sweetheart?" she asked him while kneeling down to get closer to his level.

He shook his head, and then looked around at the big house timidly.

"I'm sure this must be scary, right?" Esme asked him. "But I promise, in a few days you're going to be running around and feeling right at home."

Esme and Carlisle continued to try to make Riley comfortable, while Edward spoke to the social worker about the decision we had made. Since the Cullens were already approved foster parents there weren't any issues about the arrangement, and the process for their legal guardianship was started.

Edward and I stayed there for the next few hours, and by the time we decided to head back to Seattle, Riley already seemed more than a little comfortable. He just fit with Carlisle and Esme, and I knew we made the right choice.

I still didn't have a doubt we could have made it work, but the truth was, Edward and I weren't ready to be parents, and so what could be better than placing him with some of the best parents I had ever known. Edward would get to know and love his brother, but he didn't have to be his parent; it was the perfect situation.

When we got back to Seattle, we realized we had a two bedroom apartment that we didn't really need, but the more we thought about it, the more excited we became by the prospect of actually living together outside of campus. Of course, after two incredible months of cohabitation, we realized we either needed to get better jobs to pay for the rent, or we needed to get some roommates. It just so happened that Angela and her boyfriend were looking for a place as well, so they jumped at the chance to rent out our spare room.

Four adults in a small apartment was chaotic, but it was also some of the best times I could remember ever having, and I hopped we could keep it together through our duration as college students.

Everything seemed to be falling into place, and a calm serene atmosphere settled upon us. All the vicious threats were finally over, and there was nothing left to do but live…

* * *

*****A/N:** Epilogue, coming up next!


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